


Queen-Pink Roots (Movie AU)

by Screwyy



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Diamond!Steven, Emotional, Emotional Manipulation, Evil Steven, Evil!Steven, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Manipulation, angst & fluff, death mention, emotional breakdowns, fluff ending, human steven, human!steven, internal issues, poor steven boi, rejuvenated steven, rejuvenated!steven, rejuvenator, swearing sometimes, tw abuse, tw beating, tw manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 64,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21503563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screwyy/pseuds/Screwyy
Summary: "An alternate route to the movie starting when Steven gets rejuvenated, and things don't turn out how anyone thought.Who is he really, now?"Wanted to see a longer SU movie with hurt and comfort? Interested in seeing some Diamond!Steven regaining his memories? Have you been dying to see Steven's halves try to clumsily work through their issues with eachother? Excited to see gem-steven's and human-steven's suboptimal coping mechanisms? Then you, my friend, have come to the right place!((spoilers for SU and the movie, obviously.))((This fic happens BEFORE Steven universe future. The alternate timeline branches off at that specific moment in the movie))((Official au name: Rejuvenated!Steven au))
Relationships: AS THE & SUGGESTS THIS IS NOT A SHIP FIC, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Pink Steven & Human Steven
Comments: 262
Kudos: 503





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: (Completed!)
> 
> Have fun reading!

“That’s ENOUGH!”

Spinel let out a torn giggle as Steven summons his shield, protectively standing above the four recently rejuvenated gems.

Spinel spins and toys with the rejuvenator, the pinkish lightning dancing over the blade with sinister excitement. 

“Aw, what’s the matter, Steven? Miss your _friends_ already?”

Spinel shifts her weight, painfully pulled up grin not leaving her features.

“Don’t worry...” She leaps, spinning with the scythe’s momentum. “You’re _right behind them!_ ”

The scythe cuts through the shield like butter - no - like air, and sends a spark of energy into Steven.

He looks over himself. Nothing damaged, only a strange, lingering feeling.

“Hah! That was nothing!”

“Then I guess you won’t mind… if I do it again!”

He shudders from the first hit, unable to shake the feeling spreading from his gem over his body, arms raised protectively over his head on instinct. They do nothing to stop the energetic blade from hitting him again, and again, and again.

Finally, he catches the middle of the rejuvenator.

“Cut it out!”

“You don’t poof, do you? Hm, figured as much. Just wait! Your human half won’t stand a chance against my injector! Not after what I just did-”

Their struggle for the weapon and her half-angered, half-laughing bragging are cut short as something hits Spinel from behind, and her form poofs into a cloud of pink smoke. 

Steven looks up to spot Bismuth, adrenaline leaving his body with a start as he sinks to his knees.

His hand moves to his gem instinctively - it feels like it’s… missing, but… He looks down. It’s right there. He tries to reach into his energy to form a bubble around Amethyst, the gem closest to him, but… nothing happens.

Bismuth finally makes it next to him, putting one hand on his back, out of breath. “Steven! You alright? You look…” She takes his face into her hands and points it up to her to see when he doesn’t respond. “Pale.”

“I-i…”

He places a hand on one of hers, realizing that his are… cold. When Bismuth slowly lets go, the last bit of strength seems to fade and he slumps to the ground.

“Steven!”

He barely hears her voice, eyes focused on a distant point. “I can’t… My… gem…”

He closes his eyes, feeling Bismuth pick him up as Lapis and Peridot approach them. 

“Bring the crystal gems. And whatever you do, _don’t_ touch that scythe.”

Lapis lifts the gems with a watery cushion carefully while Peridot heads to Bismuth, looking up to Steven laying limp in her arms. 

“What’s with him?!”

“He got hit by that… scythe. Come on, Peridot. Let’s get him home.”

“Is he… going to be okay?”

“...Hopefully.”

\---

Bismuth carefully lays down Steven on the sofa, making sure his head is laid softly on a pillow. He shivers a bit, one eye opening a little.

“Steven? You still awake there, buddy?”

He doesn’t respond to her directly, but manages to slightly turn his head, just enough to see the crystal gems laid out on the table. Spinel is in a bubble at the top of the room.

She sighs, kneeling down next to him to feel his forehead. It’s cold.

“Hey, Steven…”

He moves his pupil to look at her.

“Anything we can… do for you, bud?”

He presses his eye closed, and a tear starts to run down his face silently. His expression changes to slightly more pained.

Bismuth puts a hand on his shoulder, holding herself together. “Hang in there, buddy...”

The door opens loudly, and Lapis and Peridot come in. Peridot darts for Steven, while Lapis watches sadly. She sighs, then turns to Bismuth.

“Little Homeworld has been informed. The injector… holds a toxin capable of wiping out earth and all life on it. It’s… hard to remove without setting off.”

Bismuth stands up. “Thank you, Lapis.”

Lapis goes to kneel down beside Peridot, who has put her hand on top of Steven’s. Lapis closes her eyes to keep her composure, then places her hand on top of Peridot’s, trying to give her a smile.

Eventually, Lapis stands up, followed by Peridot. They turn their attention to Bismuth, who’s silently looking at the four gems on the table.

“Bismuth?”

She doesn’t look up. “What is it, Peridot?”

“Are you sure the puzzle-method will work on bringing them back?”

“I… It’s our main hope. I’ve seen it work once, we can only hope it works again.”

“Then… why haven’t we tried helping Steven with puzzle pieces yet?”

Lapis sighs. “Peridot…”

“What? If it could work for them, what if it’ll work for him?”

Bismuth looks up at her, tired. “I doubt we can get all pieces together on time, considering his… state. He’s… he isn’t missing his memories. He’s missing his gem’s energy, and we can’t do much except keep him warm and make sure his gem gets sunlight.”

“Well…” Peridot’s voice rose. “Well what if he needs more sun? Steven?” She turns to him. “Do you… think you need more sun?”

Bismuth places a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “Peridot, please…”

“But…”

Silence fell over the room, and Bismuth took a deep breath to keep her composure when Peridot had to wipe water off her face.

Softly, slowly, a white light began to fill the room. The three gems looked up in surprise to see that the white light was coming from the pink gemstone.

Bismuth rubbed over her eyes. “It can’t… is he reforming?!”

The other two stared in disbelief.

The light began to glow brighter and brighter, soon engulfing Steven entirely, taking the vague silhouette of a pink diamond for a brisk moment. They can see his gem turn to point upwards, before the light flashes away, leaving only Steven behind.

“Ughh…” Steven sat up, rubbing over his eyes.

“Steven!!” Peridot stood up in a heartbeat and embraced him tightly. 

He doesn’t return the gesture, just looks down at her with a strange look.

She takes a step back. “Steven? It’s me, Peridot! Do you…” Her face falls a bit. “Do you remember me? Remember us?”

He glances over the room, and then his face expression suddenly flicks back to something familiar. “Of course! Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth… How could I forget...?”

Bismuth’s stare made him trail off to meet her gaze. She squinted. “Your eyes…”

“What about them?” The response strikes her as unusually… carefree? Uncaring?

“They’re that of a diamond’s.”

He jumps off the sofa without casting Peridot another glance. “Of course.” He sticks his hands in his pockets and wears an easy, confident smile. “I _am_ a diamond.”

Lapis’ face, too, slowly went from relief to suspicion.

Bismuth didn’t seem fazed. “Are you feeling… like yourself? Or different?”

“Me?” He glances over at the gems on the table calmly, then outside. “Never been better.”

“Steven…” Her half-warning, half-worried tone doesn’t seem to move him.

He starts to move towards the door after finishing his informative look around the house. Bismuth steps into his way. “Hey, where you going?”

“None of your business.” He takes a quick look at her and then quickly tries to pass by. Just as he’s in range, Bismuth reaches out a shapeshifted hand to stop him, only to hit a diamond-shaped shield while he goes out the door behind her. “Hey!”

He glances back only to show her to what amount he disregards her opinion on the situation.

“I’m gonna go after him, you look out for these gems.”

They both nod firmly and Bismuth heads out of the door and after Steven.

In the background, the sickeningly pink injector looms menacingly. Steven steps past the makeshift signs telling gems and humans to keep their distance at all costs, looking around. 

“Steven? What are you doing? What… are you looking for?”

He turns around to Bismuth. “Where’s the rejuvenator?”

Bismuth straightens her back, speaking quietly, but firmly. “I’m keeping it in my gem until further notice.”

“Is that so…”

After a moment of staring passed, Steven’s cold expression shifted to something more carefree. 

“Fine, then.”

Bismuth watches him carefully as he walks past her and back towards the house.

\--

Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot sit around the table, where four bubbled gems sit on a large cushion.

“Alright. Peridot. I think you got the best shot at getting Amethyst back, and once we have her back, we can work through Garnet and Pearl.”

“Affirmative!”

“Good. We’ll be helping you in any way we can. And once we have all of them back, let’s hope Steven hasn’t gained too many new memories, and we can all bring him back together.”

Lapis nods, and Bismuth takes the Amethyst gem, un-bubbles it, and lets go of it as it starts to glow.

Outside, a calm but somewhat intrigued Steven stands outside, watching the white light play on the wooden floor of the balcony. 

\--

The sky softly turns it’s bright hues into darker ones. Around the injector stand a handful of gems from Little Homeworld working makeshift machinery. On the hill sits the trio while Peridot tries to tell Amethyst the last few jokes she can come up with, to little avail.

The door of the house creeks open. Darkness greets Steven when he steps inside, but he pays it no mind. He looks over the table, which is missing a certain purple quartz.

The sapphire is instinctively assigned to Blue Diamond, and the ruby to the sapphire. The pearl, however…

He pops the bubble with ease and quickly pockets the gemstone, heading outside once more. The door is left open.

\--

After a trip to the kindergarden, four train-rides and Peridot shoving Amethyst out of the way of a fallen rock while not taking much damage from it herself… A white light engulfed the quartz and when she landed on the ground, her form was the one familiar to all of them.

“Amethyst!”

Peridot rushed to squeeze her tightly, and Amethyst gave a laugh. “Hey, when did the Pterodactyl start liking hugs, huh?”

Lapis smiles a bit at the scene and crosses her arms. “Yeah, she’s been pretty affectionate today.”

Bismuth steps up from behind them and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Glad to have ya back.”

“Well, I’m glad to _be_ back. Where are the others? What exactly _happened?_ ”

Bismuth nods. “Let’s go back, and we’ll fill you in.”


	2. Chapter 2

The four gems step over the beach, Bismuth in the lead. “Come on, she couldn’t have gone far without anyone to choose her settings… Keep looking.”

Amethyst goes off from the group a tad, looking around below the house. A familiar figure catches her eye.

“...Steven?”

He turns around and lifts a brow.

“Huh. They told me you were all… different. But, hey, that’s fine, we can puzzle your memories back together too-”

She stops when he takes multiple steps towards her until they’re face-to-face.

He puts on a soft smile, voice smooth. “Did they, now?” He looks down on her almost pityingly. “You want to puzzle me back together?”

“Yeah… We can-”

He flicks her nose to make her stop talking. 

“Ow!” She puts her hand over her nose. “What’s the big idea?”

He leans in closer, smile wider. “You’re not quite entertaining enough for that.” His voice and expression flick to deeper and apprehensive. “Don’t waste my time, deep-cut.”

The other three gems had caught up to Amethyst. She rubbed over her face, taking two steps back. “Urgh, since when do rejuvenators turn people into assholes...”

Steven boredly watches the four gems group back together, then turns and starts to leave again.

“Hey.” Bismuth’s voice makes him stop, but not turn. “What are you doing down here? Where are you going?”

“Doesn’t concern you.”

“Why were you hanging around the house?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Steven…!”

He ignores her and keeps walking, away from the house, around the hill. Bismuth is about to call after him, then leaves it.

“Let’s just, focus.”

\--

Amethyst joins Bismuth at the table as she tries to decide whether to focus on the injector, or getting garnet back.

“Hey, Bis?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you contacted the diamonds yet?”

“No, and… Amethyst, I have to ask you not to contact them either.”

“Sure. Can I ask why…?”

“Best case, they’re just gonna go back into grieving that he might be gone. Or even help us a bit… in their… own way.”

“...And worst case?”

“Worst case… they might wanna keep him this way”

“Keep him this way? With how weird he’s being?”

“That’s just it. He’s not acting weird, he’s acting like pretty much any newly made diamond does when they burst out of the ground… Like they’re the center of the universe and everything in sight belongs to them, and them only.”

“...How do you know?”

“I… have a feeling.” The unusually calm gem seems grudged, and Amethyst looks away.

\---

“Alright, Crystal Gems. Remember, stay together, and keep her in this room at all costs.”

Amethyst, Lapis with a large bubble of water, Peridot and Bismuth stand in LH’s tower on the top floor. In the middle is a bubbled, heart-shaped gem.

Bismuth continues talking while she walks up to the gem. “We need to figure out what she wants. If we know that, maybe we can compromise. Maybe. Either way, stay in charge.”

The other three gems nod, and Bismuth pops the bubble and takes a few steps back.

Following a short glow, Spinel stands in the middle of the room. She looks around, and her painful grin spreads over her features again.

“Well, doesn’t this idiot-in-the-middle game look fun?”

Bismuth’s voice sounds loud and clear. “Quit it. We need to know how to rid of the injector!”

Spinel laughs. “Ohh, oh, I know you do. But, oh, let me guess, let me guess! You want to force me to get rid of it? Compromise? Or maybe just torture me until you’ve got me at my knees?!”

“No. We don’t-”

“You could poof me over and over and over again until you’re bored, and then you’ll do it some more! You just want me to think you’re playing nice, huh?”

She giggles again. “Isn’t that twisted for the rebellion that thinks they’re the good guys?”

While they talk, none of the gems in the room pay attention to the door being opened a crack. The gem steps inside and closes the door behind them just as quietly.

Bismuth remains firm. “What grudge do you have against earth? If there is something that upsets you, we may be able to-”

“UPSETS me?” She laughs, limbs growing longer and her arms spilling out on the floor. “Earth, upsetting me? Hoh, you think you’re sooo smart, don’t you? YOU think you got me aaall figured out! You-!”

“ _ Spinel. _ ”

Her ramblings are cut off, and she twists her head around as Steven steps into the room. “Ohhh…” Her voice cracks, and deepens with hatred and intensity. “Look who we have here…” She raises her hands, ready to grab anything in range. “Come to join us,  _ Steven? _ ”

He walks up to her calmly, and the other Crystal Gems don’t stop him, but keep their weapons at ready.

Spinel starts to giggle again, then laugh, then the sound twists into a growl filled with rage as she balls a fist to flatten Steven on the spot.

He catches her by the wrist, eyes closed. 

“You’ve been a bad friend, Spinel.”

She growls again. “What are you talking about!”

He squints at her. “You broke the rules of the game,  _ Spinel _ .”

Her face shifts as if she’d been hit through the middle, eyes wide, small droplets gathering.

“What?”

He pulls her closer, shifting her weight over on his side. “Didn’t I tell you to wait for me to come back?”

“But you- But-!” Water flows down her face. “B-but you were him-! You’re gone…”

“Am I?”

“P-pink…?”

Steven lets go of her wrist, letting her fall flat on the ground next to him. She lets out a pitiful sound and her features grow smaller, looking like a rubber doll, a toy that was left on the ground for too long.

“Now think about your mistakes. Think about why I left you, and think about how lucky you are I didn’t replace you. Think, Spinel, about-”

Bismuth, having watched the scene with very mixed feelings, cuts in before Steven can continue. 

“ _ That’s enough! _ ”

Steven glances at her with the same indifferent gaze that he had stared at Spinel with. “You’ve been getting in my way, Bismuth.”

“Hey, you may be a diamond on homeworld, but since you’ve forgotten, you’re just another one of us, here.”

“You’ve been  _ getting in my way, Bismuth _ .” He repeats himself more stern, unfazed by her outbreak.

Spinel still lies on the ground, small, cut-off sobs escaping from the bundle of limbs now and then.

Bismuth glares at ‘Steven’. “Nobody asked you to come here.”

“Nobody asked you to start acting like you’re an actual  _ leader _ ,  _ Bismuth _ .” He smiles back at her coldly, watching her reaction. “Sounds contradictory when I say the words right after one another, right?”

Bismuth grits her teeth. “Trust me, buddy. I’m way past diamonds gettin into my head.”

“You really want to think that, don’t you?”

“Alright, that’s it. Get out.”

“I feel like, one day, we might want to test all of your proclamations.”

She doesn’t respond.

He shrugs, turning back to the door to leave without glancing at the sobbing pink mess to his feet.

Bismuth takes a step forward, then another. She reaches out with her hand, but doesn’t touch the sobbing gem yet, waiting for her reaction.

“Hey there…”

Spinel jumps up and flinches back before Bismuth. “O-oh, so n-now you’re gonna pretend you’re nice, huh? Hah… ha…” She shivers and her grin grows into being agonized as another wave of tears stream over her face.

She closes her eyes and sinks to the ground again like a puddle. “Piiiink… pink… p- _ pink _ …”

“Come on…” Bismuth kneels down near Spinel again. “Looks like this can of worms is nothing like we thought it was.”

The other gems seem to relax a bit, more concerned now.

Spinel looks up at her, hopeful for a brisk moment before turning angered again, and Bismuth barely manages to block a comically large fist from the front. 

The other gems immediately harshen up, and Lapis sends out the water to wrap around Spinel and contain her in a water bubble.

She lets out bubbled complaints, but to no avail. Bismuth lets out a sigh. “Thanks, Lapis.”

Lapid nods, eyes remaining focused on the bubble, one hand raised to effectively control it at any given moment.

“Alright.” Bismuth stands up tall. “Spinel, we need the injector off… After what… Steven’s rejuvenated self did, we’ll leave you some time to yourself, alright?”

She continued to angrily twist in the bubble, clearly not happy with the situation. Bismuth nods to Amethyst, and shapeshifts her right arm into a blade.

Lapis lets go of the bubble while Amethyst attacks with two whips at once, keeping her from twisting away just long enough so that Bismuth could safely poof her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally forgot to say the scene is/was inspired by this!!!:  
> https://laliiyeaah.tumblr.com/post/188506715446/manipulative-steven


	3. Chapter 3

Bismuth found him trying to convince Lion of something, who was pointedly refusing.

“Steven.”

He turns around, annoyed. “What _now_.”

“We need to get rid of the injector, and-”

“You couldn’t convince her? Even when I made it _that_ easy?”

“What?”

He waves his hand dismissevely, turning back to the large cat. “Just tell her it would make me happy or something. Were you always this helpless? Oh, that’s right. You were, you just didn’t admit you need a diamond to lead you after all.”

Bismuth just lets out a tired sigh. “I hope we can have the old Steven back soon.”

\---

The house is quiet. The only sound to break the silence is the temple door opening in the shape of a rose.

Steven steps inside, making his way to the main bubble storage. He moves quietly, making sure to cast as little of a shadow and watch his surrounding carefully.

He glances around. A bubbled Jasper that he considers freeing until he remembers that would be a bad idea. He looks around for other useful gems.

He finds a heart-shaped gem in a bubble, jumping up and picking it out of the air before floating down silently. But no ruby and no sapphire in sight. 

He leaves the temple, pocketing the gem on the inside of his jacket. Only the soft filling of the jacket allows the large gem not to stick out too much.

Closing the wooden door to the house behind him, he leaps off the balcony and floats down onto the sand. Looking around for Lion, he almost doesn’t notice a sling of water, and dodges it barely.

His head snaps around to see Lapis, backed by Peridot holding a trash can lid.

Lapis squints at him. “What are you doing here?”

“None of-”

He dodges another water splash.

Fixing his jacket, his face grows annoyed. “Tch. This is my home.”

“You never creep around at this hour. Seems suspicious to me.”

His eyes go over the two gems with caution, and he makes sure to stand in a way that he can watch the mass of water out of the corner of his eye.

He takes a step back. “I’m just minding my own business.”

Lapis and Peridot both squint at him, until Peridot suddenly points at his jacket. “Hey! What do you have in there?!”

“None of your-!”

He can’t finish, having to block the water rushing towards him. While he pushes it back, a second water mass manages to wrap around his head.

The water blob lifted him up from the ground and shook him a bit. The pink gem fell out of his pocket and onto the sand.

Panic began to make its way into his mind as his lungs began to burn. His hands couldn’t go into the blob, nor was anything else to get out of it working…The two gems were talking about something, but he couldn’t hear them clearly through the water.

Pain started to rise in his chest, and he quickly made a plan. He closed his eyes to hide the glow on his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them to look at Lapis, they were a plain, familiar black. 

He changed his face expression, and watching Peridot get panicked, Lapis let go of the water.

He fell onto the sand with a thud, starting to cough and hurk up water, making an important note to figure out how to deflect it in the future. And not fighting Lapis near the ocean.

Once done coughing, he looked up, and both of their faces were blanked in surprise.

“Steven…?” 

He coughed one last time, then tried to stand up, making sure he tripped back over on purpose. “Peridot-! Ow…”

She went to his side, more carefully than the first time, and when she reached out a hand, he took it. This time he knew how to act.

“Th… thanks, I…”

“Steven is back!!” Peridot hugged him tightly, and he stifled a laugh.

He sighs. “I have… I’ve got a plan. I think I know how the injector does it’s thing, but it needs her gemstone. ...At least, I think that’s what my other… self… was doing.”

Even Lapis suspicion began to subside a bit. Whatever he’s doing must definitely be working. Interesting.

After hugging Peridot back again, he stands up with her help. “Please, I have to go try while there’s still time.”

Lapis squints at him.

He looks around, spotting Lion.

“Lion! Hey there…”

The big cat opens an eye, and then closes it gain. “Hey… it’s me, buddy… Steven...”

Lion opens his eyes again, then sniffs his sleeve, then looks at his eyes, and finally stands up.

He picked up the pink gem gingerly. “I need you to take me to Rose’s room for this, I think I know how to stop that injector.”

Peridot ran up behind him. “But- how? Did… Rose have something that could manipulate gem-tech?”

Lapis walks up calmer. “Hmm, it’s not too far fetched, buuut…”

Lion mostly ignores the other two gems, letting Steven onto his back. He sighs in relief. Tricking the Lion to then take him some other place is hopefully going to be easier than tricking these two.

He has to get out before the blue one tries to drown him again.

“Trust me on this, please. I’ll be back with something that can hopefully help us.”

Lapis squints. “Wait, but how did you re-”

Lion shoots a portal and jumps through it.

  
  


Steven finds himself… definitely not in Rose’s room. 

“This isn’t…” Green grass is beneath his feet, and not too far he can see a forest and a… ruined tower?

He gets off of Lion and looks at him. “Lion, where did you-”

The big cat takes a jump away from him and shoots a portal for itself.

“Hey- Wait, where are you going! Don’t you dare-!”

Aaand he’s gone.

Steven grumbles something about a cat too smart for its own good and shapeshifts his eyes back to a diamonds. 

He starts to look for the nearest warp pad in floaty jumps, hoping this’ll take a day at most.

\---

  
  


Steven drops the heart-shaped gem on the ground, and it sinks a tad in the hot desert sand. It takes a moment or two before it begins to levitate and glow.

He watches the figure take form while shielding his eyes from the sun, internally cursing the sensitivity of his human body to the heat.

The pink gem shakily stands on the sand, looking up and then flinching back from the pair of pink diamond eyes.

“Pink…?”

Steven calmly walks past her first, then reaches into the ground at a specific spot and gets out Pearl’s gem. He bubbles it quickly, then starts to speak while turned away.

“Tell me. The injector, is it explosive?”

“A… a little… Do you, need me to turn it off, Pink?” 

Spinel shrinks a little when the sharp eyes focus on her again. She tries her best to pull the corners of her mouth upwards.

“I-I can do that, if you want!” She straightens her back, hands gesturing in an attempt to underline her words comically. “Just, one horn-blow away…!”

Steven turns his head back and stands up, holding the bubble. After standing still for a tense moment, he turns around, offering Spinel a small smile. 

“Turning it off might be a small start. But I’m sure if you try your best, you could make it up to me properly.”

The small smile caused some distant, irrational hope to resonate within her. Maybe I can make her- him- smile again, maybe…!

“Of… course! I-i’ll-“

Steven cuts her off by raising a hand, smile faltering. “Not yet. Sit.”

She sits down, and a squeaky sounds as she does.

Steven pops the bubble, and the pearl-gem begins to glow and levitate, a blue, holographic shell forming around it as if the pearl were inside.

A feminine, vaguely familiar voice sounds from the gem.

“Please identify yourself.”

Steven thinks for a moment before answering. “Steven... Diamond Universe.”

“Greetings, Steven Diamond Universe. Please state preferred customization options.”


	4. Chapter 4

A hot, searing wind cuts over the barren landscape. Steven steps off the warp pad, followed by a quiet Pearl and a Spinel. The way to the forge is eerily silent while an eternal heat burns beyond the cliff, filling the air with sparks and the scent of ash.

Spinel has a half pained, half forcefully happy look on her face, hands behind her back. Her steps don’t squeak as they used to, and she internally wishes she could poof to finally adjust her form.

The pearl has pink clothing, resembling the appearance of Pink Pearl, but with her usual hair, except a bit more spiked. Her clothes are pointedly practical and sharp rather than pretty or petite. Instead of a dress or shoulder-pads, the clothing sits tight, but not unnaturally so.

Contrasting to her otherwise plain and fighter-like outfit, she wears a pink visor over her eyes and scans her surroundings with a knowing glance.

The forge comes into view, and Steven walks towards it with confidence.

The sound of the warp pad activating behind him makes him stop, and turn.

Warping to the forge are Bismuth armed with a two-handed metal axe, Pridot with three robanoids at her side and her metal trash can lid, Lapis with a ball of water and Connie armed with her sword.

Despite looking determined at first, Connie’s face wavers when her eyes meet with Steven’s, who studies her with curiosity. Like he’s trying to figure something out.

Steven glances over the rest of the group with a disappointed glance. “So you came to fight now.”

Surprisingly, no annoyance could be made out in his voice, and he puts his head to the side a tad while shrugging. He made no efforts to summon his shield.

“Go ahead then.”

Bismuth stops the others from advancing, holding her axe tight but lowering it. “Give us Pearl back, and we don’t have to fight.” Her voice softens, but remains firm. “We just want to bring you back.”

He glances her up and down with a look that says he isn’t even sure whether she’s being serious or not.

“Tch. No.”

Connie takes a step forward to stand beside Bismuth, lowering her sword as well. “Steven… come on, you have to remember some of us, right? We… we’re all friends, we don’t have to fight! You never fought  _ anyone _ .”

“Then I wasn’t as smart as I am now.” 

He pauses, then looks over Connie again. “Are you scared of me?”

Determination moves back into her eyes. “No.”

He gestures for her to come closer, but stops when Bismuth wants to follow her.

Connie looks back at the group. “Maybe I can get through to him. Let me try, at least.”

Bismuth sighs. “Be careful.”

Connie nods, firmly, then steps forth until she’s a body-length away.

The new pearl steps to Steven’s side in response but otherwise remains unmoving, while Spinel continues to stand in Steven’s shadow.

Steven looks over her, and then calmly puts his hands in his pockets. Connie lowers her sword a bit more in response.

“So why exactly do you think he found you amusing?”

Connie reacts only with a little surprise, the shock of Steven’s new state easily wearing off.

“We were really close. I don’t know how much you remember, but… We were... jam buds, together. We…”

She trails off when Steven takes another step towards her, and she takes a step back. Another step, and she backs away the same length. She doesn’t see where Steven is angeling her until she hits the wall with her back.

As Steven reaches out a hand to place next to her on the wall, Connie catches his wrist mid-way.

He humors her for a moment, his wrist remaining in place, before he easily overpowers her grip and places his hand firmly next to her.

To add to Connie’s unsureness, he doesn’t do anything to stop her when she gets out of the small space using the other side. She grips her sword again, pointed at him, but her grip wavers. Still, she’s relieved that he isn’t insisting on keeping her backed against the wall.

She finds herself separated from the group by Steven and the new pearl, Spinel somewhere behind her. She glances about for an escape, but without knowing how well or if at all Spinel will fight, her only escape route is a risky one.

“That’s enough!” Bismuth’s voice cuts through the air. “Let her back to us  _ now _ . We can still settle this without a fight.”

An easy grin passes his features when he turns to her. “Aww, what if I don’t wana settle this without a fight?”

Bismuth heaved her axe over her shoulder. “It would be better for all of us. Specifically for you.”

His smile only widens. “I don’t believe you, so you’d have to come prove it.”

Peridot cut in, taking a step foreward as her three little robanoids hurry to make the same distance with their small legs. “Come on, Bismuth! Enough talk, we can take them!”

Bismuth glances over to Steven, then to the warp pad behind her to make sure of its exact position. She focuses back on him, ready to act.

She meets eyes with Connie, who gives her a nod, sword ready. 

Bismuth charges with her axe. Steven contemplates for a brisk moment whether not to move out of the way and see her reaction, but Bismuth’s blow is caught by the handle of a spear.

Pearl stands face to face with Bismuth, blocking the hit with a pink spear that has a tip built out of interweaving, sharp pink shapes.

Steven turns to Connie, who has yet to attack. He keeps his hands in his pockets, calm. “Not going to try and slice me to bits?” Connie doesn’t respond. “That’s what I thought.”

Steven turns to Pearl. “Pearl, go keep Connie busy instead. Spinel, don’t let them behind me. If they try, toss them back.”

Spinel seems to jump to life, letting out a pained laugh. “Of c- _ course _ , Pink! Anything to make you  _ happy! _ ” 

Her arms spill out from her body and then rise like crooked snakes, hands high and ready to grab anything she can reach.

Steven turns to the group of gems, paying no mind to the sound of metal against metal as the new pearl and Connie fight behind him.

“Now, you can all leave me to do what I want.”

The other three gems don’t budge.

“Consider it like this.” He raises a hand with an open palm to show the sparring behind him from the perspective of the warp-pad. “Time is ticking.”

A blow from Pearl sends Connie closer to the cliff. She barely dodges another one and shouts back to the group. “She’s stronger than our Pearl! I don’t know how-” Her sword barely stops the tip from digging into her side.

“Connie!” Bismuth’s face turns firmer, more serious. She lifts her axe above her head again, ready to strike, but Steven just looks up at her expectantly.

While she contemplates whether to strike or not, three robanoids run past Steven. Two of them are easily grabbed by Spinel and thrown back, turning into mush on impact. One makes it past, and is quickly impaled by Pearl.

Steven glares back at Spinel, and she shrinks for a moment before popping up even bigger than before. “I-... I got this! I got this, Pink!!”

He gives her a cold smile. “No more mistakes.”

“N-no more mistakes, pinky-promise!!” Once she finishes talking in a childish high voice, her face turns feral again, far angrier than before.

“Now,” Steven turns back to Bismuth, “you want to find out how I look sliced in half? No? You don’t seem to.”

Bismuth lowers her axe and takes a step back, only for water to fling past her to attempt to capture Steven. He blocks it with his diamond-shaped, pink shield. When he pushes back, a force is passed onto the water, splashing most of it onto the searing hot stone and turning it to steam.

Lapis manages to save some of her water, pulling it back for another attack, while Bismuth tosses her axe back and is ready to go in bare handed.

Steven blocks another wave of water, more of it evaporating. He blocks a grapple from Bismuth. Shortly after he deflects the flying trash can lid, but peridot catches it with her powers and makes it turn back.

Steven summons another shield, waiting carefully for the opportunity before frisbeeing it closely past Bismuth and into Peridot, flinging her back.

Lapis stops her water. “Peridot! You alright?”

Peridot trembles on the ground, the metal lid clattering onto the ground.

“Peri-?!”

A puff of green smoke and the clattering sound of a gem falling to the ground follow. While Bismuth is distracted, Steven lets go of his shield and forms two bubbles around his fists.

Lapis stops her attack to run up to the gem. “Bismuth, I’m taking Peri back and getting more water, sit tight!”

Bismuth gives her a brief thumbs up before blocking a punch from Steven. The warp pad sound tells them they’re alone now.

Steven misses another hit by a hair, but his confidence is unwavering. “Just you and me, now. Want to test the whole leader-part? Now’s a good chance to shine… if you can.”

Bismuth hits him again, gaining more force with each fist now that she knows he aims on blocking her every hit. Steven switches back to his shields.

“Can’t keep going forever. You’ve not even scratched me.”

She wordlessly punches back down on him, hands placed on his shield, trying to push him back. Steven remains where he is, meeting her with equal force.

“You can’t get past me on time.” He starts to push her back. “Not with… how… weak you are!” He shoves her back, though with little momentum. 

Before Bismuth can charge again, the warp pad behind them glows. Lapis has another ball of water, and Amethyst is by her side.

Bismuth looks back to them. “Amethyst, I told you to stay at LH! You’re our backup!”

She summons both of her whips. “I ain’t letting you fight this alone no matter  _ what _ you tell me!”

Bismuth, Lapis and Amethyst step up side by side. Steven glances back at the fight between Pearl and Connie, which has moved significantly closer to the cliff-end.

Steven quickly finds no other gems are untrained enough to be hit by a thrown shield, nor does he have enough time in between the attacks while fighting three gems at once.

Steven watches the rhythm of the fight, then finds a small time window for his idea. “Pearl!” He gestures something to her.

Pearl parries another one of Connie’s hits, using one of her feet to root Connie’s front foot on the ground before shifting Connie’s weight and hitting Connie’s sword out of her hands.

The sword slides over the ground and Steven picks it up with his right hand quickly.

Connie can only dodge without her sword, desperately trying to get out of Pearl’s reach. Whenever she nears Spinel, however, she’s shoved back into Pearl.

The other three gems grow more desperate, but in the moment Bismuth’s glance snaps up as Connie dodges a very close call, Steven takes the opportunity and strikes.

A white slash paints itself across her - but to Steven’s surprise not across Bismuth, but a water-copy of her. He gives an annoyed sound and shoves the water back, watches it splatter and partially evaporate.

While Connie is distracted by what happened, Pearl manages to knock her back.

Connie falls backwards onto her hands, looking back to realize she was a hand-length away from not having anything to fall onto. Pearl points her spear at her, staring her down, allowing her to only glance over to the battle.

Steven glances back to the scene and then to Bismuth. “Time’s up, you know.”

She remains defensive and looks back at Connie being held at spear-point.

“Now, I actually have a few things I’d need from you, now that we’re here.”

He de-summons his pink weaponry, tossing the sword to Spinel, who gingerly picks it up and hugs it close, watching Steven’s every move with wide eyes.

Steven walks over to Connie. He stands behind her and Pearl, still able to look past them and to the other gems. The tension hung tight over them, and insecurity was visible in the other gems’ features.

Just as Steven was about to speak up again, Connie quickly stood up and reached forth, trying to grasp Pearl’s spear to twist it away from her. Pearl’s instincts kick up and she tears and twists back on her spear with such force that Connie lets go of it. 

Connie stumbles a single step back and with horror, there is nothing behind her. Nothing but uncomfortably hot air coming from the fire below…

Before Connie has any time to react, she feels something holding her back from falling. A pair of pink diamond eyes meet hers. 

Her feet are stemmed against the side of the cliff, her right wrist caught by Steven’s hand. His face expression shifts, from analysing, to suspicious, to… unsure. 

The sound of metal makes his face snap back to the other three gems and he summons his shield on instinct, tense.

Connie feels herself start to slip, the grip loosening as his focus shifts. “Steven…? Steven, I’m slipping! Steven!”

He doesn’t respond, eyes focused on the other group. Amethyst desummons her whips quickly and spreads her arms, starting to walk back, trying to get the other gems to follow her example.

Bismuth follows her lead, and when she does, so does Lapis. Bismuth shifts her hands back to normal, but Steven’s gaze is focused on Lapis’ water bubble with hostility.

Lapis sees the other two’s glances and drops the water off the cliff, evaporating it. That seems to be the queue for Steven to start to relax, and suddenly his focus snaps back to Connie.

His grip tightens just enough to hold her, but she doesn’t dare test it’s hold by trying to grab on with her left hand as well. Her heart beats fast and she pants, and sweat is gathering at the back of her neck from the hot wind spewing up from below.

For a moment, he just stares down at her with mixed feelings. 

His glance goes into the distance, and the steam geyseir below Connie was beginning to let out a peculiar sound…

With a sudden impulse, he pulls Connie behind him with one hand, using the swing to step closer to the cliff, summoning his shield with the other. A second later a fiery blast erupts from the geyser, held back from leaking onto the cliff only by his pink shield.

Connie falls to the ground onto her hands before stemming herself onto her elbow, watching him from the back until the flames subside. Only a brisk wave of heat remains that slowly spreads from where the flames were.

For a moment, everyone is frozen in place, until a short flash emits from Steven’s gem, and he finds the shield in his hand no longer diamond-shaped, but round, with the symbol of a rose in the middle.

Connie stands up, voice quiet but excited. “The first piece!”

Steven doesn’t respond at first. When he turns back, he can see everyone’s eyes on his, and his are still that of a diamond, but his expression has... something different.

He looks down and lifts his shirt to inspect his gem, but it’s in its usual position, pointing upwards, pink as always. He puts the shirt over it again.

Something in him writhes as he realizes he’s lost control of the situation, and the hardened look returns to his face.

“Spinel, we’re keeping her.” He points to Connie with his chin.

“What? You can’t do that!” Connie’s protest went unanswered as Spinel wrapped an arm around her until she couldn’t move.

Bismuth stepped forward again. “No! Let her go!”

Steven looks to Spinel and his pearl, then to the changed shield. “We’ll come back for what we need later.”

He nods to Spinel. One of her arms keeps Connie and the sword in place while the other picks up Pearl and Steven, the latter more carefully so than the prior. 

Her legs shifted into a jumy spiral, and before any of the other gems could charge, she leaps over them into the warp stream.

\---

“We did it! I did it! I did it right… right?”

Steven turns around to her and offers her a small smile. “Yes, Spinel, you did.”

She gives a little hop and the corners of her mouth turn higher. “I did it!”

When Steven turns back forward, she’s left with a fake smile on her face and wondering why his didn’t make her feel any better.

They keep walking in silence.

  
  


After a distinctively long walk, they arrive at a deserted, half-finished spire tower from the time of the first colonization.

Wordlessly, Spinel hops inside and sits down into a small, specific chair that had been cleaned and repaired for her. She keeps Connie wrapped up, setting her down next to her chair. Pearl starts to study some of the beams holding the structure upright critically.

“My diamond,” Pearl starts matter-of-factly, “I would not advise making use of the second floor until we don’t have the required materials to fix the supporting beams.”

Steven puts the pink sword into a box of various things. “Noted.”

Despite the tower being mostly open, the intact side features an old mural of Pink Diamond. Attempts to reconstruct some of the walls are visible in the tower, and the first floor is littered with boxes and debris, but otherwise shows only empty floor and pale, empty walls.

At the very back, right below the mural, is a pink, quite big throne made of pristine crystal. Steven sits down and places one hand into a slightly differently colored field. A pink, but glitchy screen pops up in front of him. 

The screen quickly gives up and retreats back into the seat, unable to hold it’s holographic form for any useful period of time.

“Dammit!” He hits one of the armleans with a fist before sinking down and holding his head with a hand. “Blasted old devices...”

Silence fell over the tower as Spinel sat religiously in her chair with a wrapped up Connie and Pearl was continuing to clear out debris. 

Steven gave a frustrated sound and jumped out of his chair, heading outside. “I’m  _ bored _ ...”

Pearl looks up, looking after him. “My Diamond, do you wish me come with you or remain here?”

When he doesn’t answer, she just continues cleaning the room.

Once he’s out of sight, Connie can feel the wrap around her loosen. Spinel bows down to her with one finger over her lips, whispering to her. “Shhhh!”

She then places a hand besider her mouth like shielding what she’s saying, looking over to where Steven just left to. “I can’t hold my arms like that forever, so just, stay still for a bit, and I won’t have to squeeze you like that all the time. Win-win.”

Connie nods, and the grip on her loosens a bit more. She gives a long, relieved sigh, rubbing over her shoulders and arms.

“You’re… Spinel, right?” Connie made sure to whisper as quietly as she could, but to somewhat her surprise, Spinel didn’t seem upset. In fact, she gladly leaned back to her to listen intently.

“The one and only!”

“So you’re the only Spinel?”

“Ohhh! No, no, but I’m obviously the best one. I mean, pink gems are made for being emotional, right? And I’m a perfect cut! Plus, _ I  _ belong to the best pink gem there is.”

“...Pink Diamond?”

“Bingoo!” They both continue in a whispered tone.

“So you… care about her a lot, right?”

“I’m-” The start of her sentence came off nervous, so she cleared her throat and started again, now high-pitched and joyful. “I’m her best friend!”

The nervous and pained touch in her gestures and face were hard to miss, and Connie suddenly felt bad for her. Worse than she thought she even could.

“Do you... get along well?”

“I mean…” Her smile falters, but then she puts it back on. “Well… He….” it falters again, and she goes quiet for a bit.

Connie tries to soften her voice. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about-”

She stares at the floor in front of her, voice shaking every so slightly. “I wanted to say he smiles at me sometimes, but I realized that sounds a lot sadder out loud than in my head.”

“You really think he’s… like her? Like Pink Diamond?”

Spinel sighs. “Honestly? I don’t even know, I mean…” Two small droplets began gathering in her eyes. “He remembers what happened, and only Pink would know that, but… no, no!”

She shakes her head rapidly, rubbing over her eyes with a gloved hand. Anger takes hold of her face again. “No more questions! I didn’t allow any questions!”

Connie felt the arm wrap around her and squeeze her again, and she nods eagerly. Spinel lets go of her again, and continues to stare in front of herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Steven steps through the lush, green grass. He breathes out, focuses, and summons a shield. Peeling his eyes open, he sees that it’s still round, with a rose in the middle.

He shakes his head, de-summoning the shield, and trying again, but the result is the same. “Urgh! Stupid- I don’t need that shield, gem! I need my old shield!”

He tries again, but the third failed attempt just frustrates him more.

“No, no… No!” He grasps his head with his hands, trying to contain the inner turmoil rising up from deep below. Almost ripping at his own hair, he stops, staring down at a flower, a-forget-me-not, in front of him.

His hands fall to his sides, and he can feel a tight clump gather in his throat. He lets himself sink to his knees, hands holding onto the grass. Another wave of emotion rises up and he closes his eyes.

He tries to contain, to control - something, anything - but when he opens his eyes, two tears flow down his face to both sides.

Unable to blink away the blur in his vision, he closes his eyes again.

Why doesn’t any of this make sense? Why can’t it all just…  _ make sense? _

Everything was fine, this colony is strange, but… he’s a diamond. He can do this, he can fix this… mess, and make everything right again. Even if he was apparently strange before. These gems just… need someone to show them the way. To show them how things should be…

That the world is better when everything is just as it’s supposed to be...!

But the emotion firing up in his chest had entirely different plans. First it demanded the satisfaction of control, or emotional manipulation, and now there’s more of it, but it’s different, it’s demanding something else.

Something he can’t understand.

He opened his eyes, leaning back, picking the forget-me-not.

“What am I afraid of more? That I don’t understand, or that I already do and can’t admit it?”

He’s supposed to be perfect. He’s supposed to be… a diamond, a leader…

A Diamond, a leader, a guide,

Order, change, compassion,

Perfection? War? Peace?

When did everything stop making sense?

No.

He won’t let this stop him. He can fulfill his purpose, his ambitions, his destiny. Then why does this feel so strange?

He turned the forget-me-not with his fingers, watching the petals in the breeze. 

“Did I forget her? Or was that… someone else? And if it was me… ” He watches a droplet roll down the flower. “Then why don’t I remember? Why didn’t watching the recordings make me remember?”

Shaking his head again, he drops the forget-me-not on the ground and stands up.

The thought doesn’t let go of him though, and memories were beginning to oddly jumble together into a mess. 

A mess, a big, existential… senseless mess! And the only thing he knows kept him from going insane was…! What was it? Why can’t he remember?

Despite the feeling that he understood less than before, somewhere in the depths of his mind, something clicked, and his gem flashed for a moment.

He lifted a bit of his shirt to inspect it, but it was back to normal now. Was this another step to making him how he was before? But wouldn’t that be a step back, not forward?

He sighs, covering his gem again. He didn’t have time for this. He just had to push through.

Plans had to be made, and nobody else was going to make them for him.

\---

One early morning, Spinel stood by Steven’s side. He nodded to her, and he and Pearl watched her take a deep breath.

Spinel let her finger wrap into a blow horn, and let it ring out loudly with a sound. Somewhere in the massive injector, an isolated, gem-powered computer resonated with the sound. The injector began lifting itself back into the air.

The drill twisted out of the ground the other way, and the legs folded back into it. It began to hover eerily above the ground, and Steven gave Spinel an approving nod. She did her best to smile, but the smile didn’t last long.

Shortly after, they warped into their bit of wilderness, and walked back to the tower.

As they walked through the fields, light forests and past a rocky area, an unusual feeling was keeping especially Pearl on edge.

Steven noticed, but paid it little mind. Or at least, tried to pay it little mind.

The pathway had already been mostly cleared, so their walk was unhindered, until they bumped into what looked like a strange, fallen log.

“My Diamond, may I advise-”

“It’s fine, I’ve got this.”

Steven walks up to the ‘log’, getting out his shield. Before he can reach out to touch it, it starts to move like a snake, slinking away into the forest.

For a moment, everything is quiet as Pearl summons her spear, then the black, snake-like creature doubles back and rises high above them.

It lets out a roar, making Steven’s ears ring. He barely points his shield up in time to prevent the creature from slamming its head into him. It has no eyes, but a gem at the very end of its tail.

Pearl charged with her spear while Spinel tried to hold parts of it down to little avail.

The spear managed to slash its side effectively, but caused it to roar again and turn its focus from Steven to Pearl.

Somewhere, distantly, that similar, same impulse rose back up in him. Before the creature could attack Pearl, Steven was already interposed between them and the armored head rammed into his shield once more.

The snake reeled back, and pearl quickly used the opportunity to attack its underside, poofing it.

“That felt… oddly quick.” Steven walked up to the dropped gemstone. It had the shape of a rectangle.

He bubbled the gem, then started to think on why he would bother bubbeling it at all. He sighed and gave it to Pearl.

“Keep it safe for me.”

She nods, and the bubbled gem dissapears into hers. Something told him to bring it to Rose’s fountain, and he felt two completely different feelings go in opposite directions again.

He did his best to ignore them. 

Once at the tower, he saw Spinel quietly retreat to her chair again, and somehow, it tugged something in his chest. Connie was sitting on the floor against the wall, bound to the tower with a rope of sorts attached to her leg. A pile of common human food was well in her reach, as well as multiple large bottles of water.

She watched him come in and stop when Spinel went to sit down in her usual spot. “This is illegal on so many levels.”

He looks over to her, mostly conflicted. “How else would I keep you here?”

“You don’t  _ have _ to keep me here.”

“I need you close to here. Where I can find you.”

“You don’t have to force people to stay close to you. Or force them to stay where you can always reach them.”

He doesn’t answer anything, rummaging through another unorganized box. 

Standing up again without seeming to have found what he was looking for, he looks over to Spinel. “Pearl, come with me for a bit.”

She puts down the broom and walks outside with him quietly.

When they both return, Pearl seems slightly more relaxed than usual, and they’re both holding large bouquets of forget-me-nots. 

Spinel and Connie watch them both curiously as Steven dumps the flowers into one of the boxes while Pearl starts to gingerly spread them around the tower. A soft smile plays on her features for what felt like the first time.

Something lighter is in the atmosphere, and while Connie wonders what happened, Pearl easily steps over the debris she was cleaning before just to place the flowers around.

Out of the corner of her eye, Connie can see Steven glancing over to Pearl. His face may not have changed to become much warmer, but it wasn’t cold, either. His gem flashed briefly.


	6. Chapter 6

“I’m sure you can find it here somewhere.”

Pearl picked up a rock and inspected it, pressing one finger into it to feel its hardness. “Hmmm… Unlikely, My Diamond.”

She drops the rock, and they continue along the rocky area that laid like a wound compared to the otherwise lively surroundings.

“There has to be some way. It’s a material like any other!”

Pearl doesn’t respond. Tagging with them is Spinel, holding Connie’s hand and making sure she’s coming along.

Spinel suddenly stops, looking away from the group to something she’s spotted. “Ohh, look!” She points to a discolored square in the ground. “Looks... suspicious, if you ask me.”

Steven and Pearl also stop to glance back. Pearl inspects it further while Steven stands in the back.

She thinks for a moment. “Hmm, My Diamond, try placing your hand on it for activation, should this really be gemtech.”

He walks up to the square. It doesn’t stand out or go into the stone, or at least not visibly. Just a strange stone of different color. He squats down, sandals a few centimeters away from touching the square, and places his hand on it.

The square flashes brightly and Steven closes his eyes, shielding them with his arm before suddenly feeling himself get pulled towards the square. When he opens them, it’s too late.

His fingers miss the edge to hold onto, and his gravitational powers aren’t enough to work against the pull coming from the square hole in the ground.

He finds himself hitting the ground hard, knocking the air out of his lungs, before the pull stops. He opens an eye and sits up to find Pearl next to him, also recollecting. She opens her mouth to say something - an apology most likely - but the sounds of moving machinery cut her off.

Steven jumps up to get out of the opening, but hits his head on an invisible barrier. He rubs his head and goes over it with his hand. Like solid glass.

He floats down, seeing Pearl having already recollected herself, Spear out and attempting to break the glass-like material, but to no avail.

“What kind of…!”

Pearl doesn’t respond to his angered murmurs, trying to inspect the rest of the mechanism. But nothing other than four blank, stone walls surround them.

Connie and Spinel can be seen looking down on them from above.

“Steven! Pearl!” Connie feels over the glass-like material.

“If we can hear them while they touch the blockade, then there must be some way…” Pearl continues analyzing the angles of the corners, the smoothness and shade of the walls.

Connie stands up, fists balled. “Come on Spinel, we have to get them out of there.”

“How?”

“How far are we from the tower? Maybe I can try cutting through the wall with my sword...”

“You… think you can do that?”

“Bismuth made the sword able to charge up in order to cut through material, since we don’t fight much anymore. If it’s still charged, it might work.”

“Okie dokie! Stay put and I’ll be right back!”

Steven ignores the muffled voices up top, walking up to a wall and then hitting against it with all the strength of his frustration.

He flinches back at the pain to his fist and then puts it in a spiked bubble to try again.

The force hits the wall and the part he hit becomes black, before fading into the wall. Pearl speaks up after having watched his attempts.

“The wall automatically spreads all damage done to it to its entire surface, making it exceptionally durable.”

Steven doesn’t respond. He lets out a growl through gritted teeth and hits the wall again. The force vibrates into the entire room, but the result is the same.

Pearl sits into a corner of the room, looking upwards into the sky. Connie looks over into the opening again with one hand stemmed on the glass, and their eyes meet.

“Pearl, you guys alright down there?” 

Pearl looks to Steven, then onto her feet, then nods. “And we can hear you whenever you touch the blockade.”

“Spinel is getting my sword so we can try to cut through it. Any tips?”

Pearl stands up. “This material is most likely self-repairing. It might try to mend itself even if you manage to break it.”

“You’re right... Thanks, Pearl!”

Pearl watches Connie’s face disappear from view. “You’re.. welcome”, she says, quietly, mostly to herself. She sits down again.

Another wave of vibrations is sent through the room as Steven dishes out punch after punch. His frustration grows with every single one, and about two minutes later, he sinks down against the wall, exhausted. He pants, glaring at the wall as if to try and make it cave.

Pearl can’t do much but silently watch him and the opening above.

Steven catches his breath, then jumps up towards the glass-like pane to punch it with all the force he can manage, but the result is not much different than that of the walls.

He floats down to the ground, sighing, energy drained all of a sudden with no more frustration or anger to keep him going. He sits down near Pearl, leaning against the wall.

Despite getting most of the energy of his inner turmoil out, the chaos in his mind was no closer to calming down. They had to try and get them out. Especially Connie. They need Pearl, they need to fix her. 

But do they need him?

If he can’t get out himself, will they go through the trouble of getting him out?

“I’m baaaaack!”

Connie turns around to spot Spinel hopping back to where she is. She lets the sword fall into Connie’s hands.

“Thanks, Spinel.”

“Oh, oh…,” Spinel’s voice turned to a whisper, “was he mad I left?”

“They can’t hear us if we don’t touch the glass.”

“Ohhhhh! That’s handy.”

Connie nods, and then taps on the hilt of the sword. It gives a dim, orange glow in response.

“It’s charged! ...There’s not a lot left, though, and Pearl said this thing might self-repair.”

“Well! No other option but to try, amiright?”

“...Looks like it.”

Spinel jumps near the opening, looking down. Connie tries a few positions, then takes a deep breath and aims the blade at the glass-like material.

Pearl stands up, watching Connie carefully. Steven doesn’t budge at first, then stands up as well.

Connie looks down, still thinking on how she would do this. She does note that Steven looks… oddly nervous, though.

Connie has to stand on the material in order to effectively try to cut a large enough hole, dearly hoping that her attempt won’t get her captured as well. 

Once she presses down on the star, the sword begins to burn an intense red and orange flame. Connie quickly cuts a vaguely circular shape into the material and tries to kick it down.

The material has other plans, however, and begins the self-repairs quickly. Seeing the situation, Peal jumps up and uses her spear to impale the material where it was just cut and is still weak.

Pearl hangs from the spear, doing what she can to keep it manifested.

Self-repairs on the rest of the damage stop as the material desperately tries to get rid of pearl’s spear, leaving Connie enough time to cut the repaired parts open again. She reaches into the hole quickly, grabbing Pearl’s hand and pulling her out.

Steven, having watched what went on jumps up, trying to get out on time, only for the circular piece of glass-like material to break his jump. Despite shrugging it off easily, he’s too late to catch the opening.

He floats back down, alone in the room, and the turmoil in his head starts to explode.

“No… No, wait!” He looks up in panic, eyes darting about the three figures on top of the glass. “You have to get me out, you have to or I’ll-! I’ll… I… ”

Nothing. He can’t do anything. What if he can’t punch through the stone walls on time before his organic body runs out of water? What if this room is sealed tight enough that he could run out of air?

He doesn’t notice the water in his eyes until it starts to run down his face.

Connie deactivates her sword. “Steven! It’s okay, we’re going to get you out.”

His whole body just weakens, and his hands fall to his sides, helpless. “Why would you?”

“Why wouldn’t we?!”

“BECAUSE I’M AWFUL!”

His shout is followed by dead silence.

“Steven, this isn’t… you didn’t do those things on purpose, you…”

“Did I?”

Connie looked over to Spinel, determined. “Spinel, help me move the sword to cut another hole. Pearl, if you can make a second spear, we can both try to distract the repairing mechanism.”

Pearl looks down, hesitant at first, then summons another spear and decidedly hands it to Connie. 

“Alright, Spinel. There’s not much charge left, so you have to be quick.”

Spinel takes the sword, and looks down to Steven. She closes her eyes and sighs, quiet for a moment, then looks up, firm. “Gotcha.”

Together, they manage to lock on the repairing mechanism to two spears impaling the material. Spinel manages to cut the hole in a quick sweeping motion. When Steven jumps up, she looks down and can see the tears still in his eyes. 

His hand is reaching up to her, but it seems unsure. She lets her other arm stretch inside and grabs his hand, pulling him out.

Steven is put down on the ground, and the water in his eyes just rolls down over his cheeks again. 

“You could’ve just, left me there.”

Connie sits down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder gingerly. 

“But we didn’t.”

He wipes over his eyes with a sleeve. “No.” Over his feature spreads a soft, and… genuine smile. “You didn’t.”

When he went to wipe over his eyes again to get the rest of the tears on his face, his gem flashed softly.

Connie smiled back, and together, they made their way back to the tower.

\---

Beach city laid quietly in the wake of the morning sun rising in the distance. The soft, warm light engulfed the landscape into a forgiving, kind veil.

The injector still hung menacingly in the air, but no longer with any contact to the ground.

Connie looked back at Steven again, the sword strapped over her back. She nodded to him, and while he didn’t respond, she took a few steps towards Beach City. She stopped mid-step.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with?”

“Quite certain.”

Spinel hung at his side, while Pearl was oddly busy staring at the sunrise. 

Connie sighed. “I’m sure they can help you.”

“I don’t deserve that help.”

“Yes, you  _ do! _ Please. Trust me.”

He looked away.

Connie stepped back to him, placing a hand on his arm. “Let us help you, Steven.”

The two pink, diamond eyes moved over to look at her.

“Just… take Pearl back and… do whatever you want. I’ll be… at the tower, probably. Maybe.”

Connie sighs, but sees that there isn’t much she can do to convince him. “Alright, well… we’ll come back for you.”

He shrugs, and he heads back to the warp pad with Spinel closely behind.


	7. Chapter 7

Connie walks into LH, and unlike Beach City, the majority of gems were up and about to watch the sunrise. She tries to avoid big groups, but a few gems inevitably notice her and Pearl making their way to Bismuth’s forge.

The door opens automatically when Connie and Pearl approach it. The heavy metal doors close behind them. 

The forge is lit by warm colored light not quite unlike the colors of the sunrise outside. Bismuth looks up from her work. “How can I….”

She trails off and stares at Connie and Pearl in disbelief.

“Connie-! What are you two doing here, how did you…?!”

Bismuth walks out from the forge and Connie lets out a surprised sound as Bismuth picks her up. “I can’t believe it! How did you get back? We searched all the warps, we couldn’t find you!”

Connie waits until Bismuth places her back on the ground. “Steven let us go, actually. And, where he is right now is actually, like, a half hour walk from the nearest warp pad, so I can’t blame you.”

Bismuth squats down in order to be closer to eye-level with Connie. “Aw, geez, I thought he went to Rose’s room or someplace just as closed off… if it was near a warp pad we could’ve found you if we had looked more…”

“It’s okay, Bismuth. We’re back now.”

“...Where’s that spinel gem?”

“She wanted to stay with Steven, but I told him we’d come back for them.”

Bismuth sighs. “Good, good. Glad to have you safe and sound, Connie.”

“Well, I’m glad to be back, for sure.”

Bismuth stands up straight and looks over to Pearl. “Pearl…”

Pearl looks over to her quizzically.

Bismuth sighs. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you back, too.”

Pearl doesn’t answer, just looks back at her. Bismuth turns back to Connie. “I better tell this everyone else. We got a cotton-candy lookin Garnet now, too. You’ll love her.”

\---

The top room of the tower of Little Homeworld was packed with gems.

Lapis and Peridot sat side by side, with Amethyst showing Peridot how she can shapeshift her hand into a hand-sock puppet. Lapis watches them both while Peridot laughs.

Pearl sits mostly alone, but not too far from Garnet, who is hypnotizingly focused on the beauty of the multi-colored roof that lets sunlight through. 

Pearl looks over to her sometimes, trying to figure out why the roof is so special. When she isn’t watching Garnet, she steals glances to Amethyst and Peridot.

Connie sits near Amethyst to watch them sometimes and smile a bit, but she’s mostly sunk deep in thought about something else. She pets Lion absentmindedly, who laid down next to her. Despite appearing to be sleeping, he keeps one eye open watchfully.

When Bismuth walks into the room, Garnet and Pearl turn to look at her, while Amethyst quickly shapeshifts her hand back to normal.

Bismuth walks to a place in the room from where the others can all see her. Garnet, Pearl and Connie shift in their positions to turn to her fully.

She sits down, facing everyone else, and the others expectantly wait for her to say something.

“Alright, Crystal Gems. The situation is as follows.”

She pauses, and takes a deep breath. “Steven is somewhere out there sticking around with Spinel, which I don’t think is a very good combination. We still need Pearl and Garnet back.”

The others listen and nod while glancing over to Pearl and Garnet.

“The injector is still looming above Beach City, and we don’t really know what’s going on in the head of that spinel gem who seems to be able to control it. Trying to change her or Steven seems hard without Pearl and Garnet right now, but… We also haven’t been able to bring Pearl or Garnet back without Steven.”

Connie nods. “Amethyst, Peridot and I were working with Garnet all day.”

Garnet watches the light dancing on the walls. “It was fun.” She says absentmindedly.

Amethyst sighs. “Yeah, we’ve been through, like, everything. The temple, the arena, the battlefield, Jamie…”

Bismuth looks over at her thoughtfully. “But no two gems to try fusion to tug her memory, huh. And no Steven, and no Pearl...”

The room goes quiet. 

Peridot clears her throat. “If I may get a chance to chime in at our very important strategy meeting…”

Bismuth nods to her.

Peridot stands up. “Well, I have a plan. We need to get to wherever Steven and that spinel gem are hanging out, defeat the spinel together, and then drag Steven back here to keep going until we have their memories! And then we can deal with the spinel last. No risk of the spinel setting off the injector again.”

Connie shifts in her position. “I don’t think fighting them is a good idea right now. I’d rather not.”

Lapis sighs, more in annoyance. “Connie, hate to say it, but rejuvenated Steven is, like, the worst.”

“But what about Spinel?”

Lapis’ face turned from annoyed to shock. “Connie, she literally tried to  _ kill _ earth! And she could do it again!”

Bismuth raised a hand to get them both to cool down, but the atmosphere didn’t improve much. “We have to stick together. Any other ideas?”

Amethyst shrugged, starting to talk unsurely. “Well, Peridot’s idea sits in theory… we can probably win if we’re all together.”

Pearl cleared her throat a little. “I… cannot stop you, but I cannot aid you in this endeavor either.”

Bismuth nods. “I know. And we won’t force you to anything. Well, I don’t know if using brute force is gonna get is what we need, but-”

Connie cuts her off. “Bismuth, we can’t just go and attack them, you know how that went last time! Besides, Steven got a lot of pieces while I was with them. He’s not quite… him, but he’s gotten a lot better.”

Peridot, still standing, crosses her arms. “He’s gonna thank us for bringing him back when this is all over anyway, no matter how we do it.”

“ _ Even then _ , what about Spinel?”

“Ughh, what is it with you and and that Spinel? Lapis is right, she tried to kill earth, and she rejuvenated Steven in the first place! She should pay for what she’s done! She’s the reason we’re all here right now!”

“No! You don’t get it, Peridot!” Connie stands up. “This isn’t how we should go about this, we’re here to improve the situation, not just… force what we want to happen!”

Garnet’s soft voice sounds from her position. “Everyone...? You don’t have to fight...”

Peridot ignored her, continuing talking over her, facing Connie. “Well then  _ you _ don’t understand how fighting works! We have to protect earth, and we’ve always had to make necessary sacrifices!”

“Necessary sacrifices aren’t the same. We can avoid this.” Connie turns to Bismuth. “Please, Bismuth, this can’t be the way.”

Bismuth looks down. “Even if we want to, our chances of winning are quite a bit lower without Connie.”

“No!” Connie shouts out loud, making everyone’s eyes snap to her. “I won’t let you attack them! He let me go himself, remember? He let Pearl go himself! And Spinel wanted to stay with him at any cost by her own choice.”

Pearl tries to quietly cut in. “Technically, I was told to accompany you and-”

Peridot lets out an annoyed groan. “Connie, we can’t just… pretend everything is magically going to be fixed cause we don’t wanna fight!”

“That’s not what I’m saying. We can forgive, but we don’t have to forget.” She looks over to Amethyst. “Come on, Amethyst. What do you think? You don’t want to attack them, do you?”

“What? Ugh, don’t bring  _ me _ into this, I dunno!”

“But this is about everyone! And you said you would fight in  _ theory _ .”

“Well, I don’t  _ want _ to fight him, duh! But, like, if that spinel shows up and kills everyone? It won’t be  _ my  _ fault.”

Lapis looks over at her, unamused. “We’re all involved in this, so yes, it would be your fault, too.”

Amethyst stands up. “No, it wouldn’t! I...! Bismuth is the leader, right? She’s the one who should take… responsibility, or whatever!”

Garnet tries to speak again. “Why would you blame each other if you could-”

Bismuth glances around the feuding figures. “We should all take responsibility for this. We are in this together. We-!”

Peridot cut her off again. “No, we shouldn’t! This is that spinel gem’s fault, not ours! She’s the one who should be responsible for all of this!”

Garnet’s voice continues to be soft, encouraging, but more firm. “We can face everything together, can’t we? Doesn’t the truth matter more than-”

Connie stepped between Peridot and Bismuth, turned to the latter. “Whatever we do now will have an effect on the future, and if we take the wrong actions now, they’ll be our fault.”

Peridot stems her hands into her hips. “More like, your fault.”

Connie turns back to her. “What? Why?! ...Okay,  _ now _ you’re just trying to blame me for everything because you don’t agree!”

Bismuth stood up to assert herself over Connie and Peridot again. “That’s enough, you two. Whatever we choose, we’ll go through with it, and think about faults later.”

Peridot stomped her foot. “Except Connie already said she won’t let us fight! She’s ruining our team dynamic!”

Connie rolls her eyes. “I’m  _ just saying _ it’s not the right thing to do.”

“No, you’re not! You’re saying you just want to manipulate us into  _ your _ choice!”

“Manipulate?!”

Bismuth raised her voice again. “ _ Thats enough! _ ”

Connie and Peridot both fell quiet. Bismuth turned to Connie, sighing. “I’m afraid if we all decide on a plan together as a team, it would be expected of you to help us.”

“Wh- But Bismuth!”

“No. We must work together.”

“This isn’t working together, this is just… isn’t talking what  _ Steven  _ would do?”

Everyone went dead quiet for a moment. Once more, Garnet’s attempt to talk was overruled before she could even form a word into the quiet room.

Amethyst stands up suddenly. “Hey, don’t bring Steven into this!”

Connie turned to her now, too. “I thought you didn’t want to be involved?”

“Yeah, well… you’re forcing me to be involved! Don’t even try to pretend  _ you’re _ like  _ Steven! _ ”

Bismuth’s eyes went from person to person, and she was beginning to realize not even her raised voice was toning any of this down.

Somewhere deep in her mind, buried far away, a doubt crosses into her mind. Is she really fit to lead? Fit to lead instead of who should actually be leading all of them? No. He wasn’t right, was he? He can’t have been…

She sits down and remains silent as the fighting continued, trying to figure out what to do. What would Rose do? What would Steven do?

Garnet stands up, and the other gems stop in surprise at hearing her shout. “This isn’t right!”

“Is this really who you want to be right now? Are you really going to let blame and mistakes win over love?”

The pressing silence continued to hang in the room, but everyone was at least a little taken aback by being told off by a Garnet that should know the least out of all of them.

Garnet sighs, and smiles at everyone. “Love can live through this. Love can live through everything, can’t it...?”

Most of the others look down, half in shame, half in unsureness.

“But in order for love to live through this, you must admit to it. You must admit to the  _ truth. Together! _ ”

A bright, white light begins to shine from Garnet’s entire form, and she shifts. The others watch in amazement as she reforms, and when the light fades, facing them is the Garnet they all know and love.

“Garnet!” Amethyst jumps up and runs up to her, hugging her. Garnet ruffles through Amethysts hair with her hand. “Miss me?”

Connie lets out a long sigh of relief. “We all did.” Connie looks over at Peridot apologetically, and Peridot sighs, letting go of her anger. ”A lot.”

Garnet summons her visor with the flick of her hand and smiles. “Well, we have a planet to protect, last I remember.”

Bismuth nods to her. “We do. Good to have you back Garnet, we… even I need help in leading a lot of the time, as it turns out…”

Garnet looks over to Bismuth softly. “We all need help to win over our doubts from time to time.”

Together, over the next few hours and in a much calmer atmosphere, they discerned a plan to attempt to stuff the injectors pipes leading to the drill, as well as making sure the drill itself has a low-as-possible leaking capacity. 

Despite Pearl seemingly not stepping any closer to remembering, a hope remained, and both Bismuth and Garnet could now more confidently guide gems back to understanding of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Side note: Due to all the support, Ive started on a part two thats already twice as long as the first part!  
> There will probably be a lil hiatus of a few weeks once ive uploaded chapter 9, but once part 2 is 100% complete ill start uploading that!  
> (Part 3 is unlikely though, since i knew from the start there would be potential for a part 2.)  
> ((part 1 in of itself however can also very well end at chapter 9, as that was the original intent and it wraps up nicely imo.))))
> 
> Edit: Part 2 is part of this work now and finished! :D


	8. Chapter 8

Spinel and Steven return to the tower, and Spinel waits at the opening of it. He glances over to her and stops.

Spinel looks back at him and starts to grow a bit nervous. “I, well… I mean, since it’s just us now, Pink… I don’t need my chair anymore, right?”

“Why not?”

“You know, I helped you out of that gem-tech thing, and we can… have fun together, you know! Just like… old times?”

“You’re the one who wanted to stay here.”

“B-but…”

“I’ll think about it.”

Spinel sighs and walks up to her chair. She looks down on it and balls her fists. She turns back around to Steven.

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m not sitting in that anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I… don’t want to.”

“Aren’t we best friends? Didn’t you say you’re willing to do this favor for me?”

Spinel’s fists shake lightly. “What makes us best friends?”

“What do you mean?”

“What makes you want to be my best friend? What do we do?!”

Steven looks at her in surprise. “You were made to be my best friend.”

“But isn’t there… more? Wasn’t there more to us?!”

“What more would you need?” Steven pulls a magazine out of one of the boxes, flicking it open and looking through it.

“Well, I thought… I thought you, well, cared, you know? And that’s why… I care?”

“Yeah.” Steven says absentmindedly, continuing through the magazine. He puts it back and pulls out a small, tablet-like piece of gem-tech.

“S-so you,  _ do _ care?”

“Mhm.” He starts to flick through the tablet while on his throne. “Give me a minute, Spinel.”

“I…” She looks down at her hands, then shakes her head. “No, I thought- I thought this mattered to you!”

“I said, give me a minute, we can talk in a bit.”

“And I said no!”

Steven looks up at her with disapproval. “Don’t be overbearing, or I’ll have to go do this outside.”

“Over… overbearing, huh?”

Silence follows, broken only by Steven’s taps on the monitor.

“Steven, I don’t think… I don’t think I’m being overbearing. I just need to know-”

Before she can finish, Steven stands up and heads outside.

“No! No, don’t leave!”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes, and then we can talk. I have to figure out how to access Pearl’s planning program first.”

“NO!”

Steven stops at the exit and turns back. He can still fix this, Spinel just needs to cool down, right? “We’re still friends, I just need to-”

“I said NO! You can’t- you won’t just leave me here like this!” Water begins gathering in her eyes. “You told me you’d never leave me ever again!”

“I’m not entirely  _ leaving _ you, I’ll be right back-”

“Do you remember a game we used to play, Pink?”

“...Which one?”

“I wanted to call it Maskery, but you wanted to call it Veils, instead.” Spinel breathes out, eyes closed. “We used to shapeshift and then hide in the garden, pretending to be a flower or a stone. Pretending to be something else for a while.”

Steven sighs. “Of course I remember, but I don’t see how that has to do anything with this.”

Spinel doesn’t answer at first, she opens her eyes a bit, looking down, fists still balled. When she talks her voice has lost most of its childish tone. 

“You’re not Pink.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You never were Pink, were you?” Spinel lets out a pained laugh. “You just think I’m a fool. The biggest fool in the universe, don’t you!”

“No, Spinel-” His thoughts began to turn faster, and he realized far too late how important talking to Spinel in that moment really was.

“We never played a game like that, no. That’s the game you’re playing with me now… Well, I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S THE FOOL!”

“Spinel-!” 

Before he can say anything more, her legs spiral and she jumps off and into the air, towards the warp pad.

Steven tosses the tablet onto the ground and begins to run after, trying to jump as well, but Spinel well out-jumps him. No. No, he wanted to avoid this, the one bad thing he wanted to keep from happening…!

He kept pushing on despite having lost her from sight. No no no no! How could he make a mistake like that? Why was he so fixated on the plans in that moment?

When he arrives at the warp pad, he’s completely out of breath, leaning onto his knees. Somehow, he pushes forth and manages to warp.

\---

The Crystal Gems manage to help each other get away from the injector before it drills itself back into the ground. Steven warps a moment after, running out of his house and onto the beach, where the rest of the gems are now gathering.

They don’t even notice him at first, and he pays them no mind as he runs past them to get a closer look.

Connie sees him running through the group first. “Wait… Steven!”

The others turn their heads as well, but he pushes on to run closer to the injector. Spinel stands at the bottom, watching it drill. Various warnings about the injector having been tampered with flash across the glass container, and when Steven gets close enough, he can hear her cursing the gem-tech.

“That was supposed to release EVERYTHING! Why isn’t it working! Stupid… gems! Rebellion… earth colony…. Ughhh!”

“Spinel.”

She turns around. “Well look who’s here…!”

The rest of the group comes up behind Steven, Amethyst and Peridot weapons drawn.

Spinel wastes no time, forming a large fist and charging at Steven. Before he can even draw his shield, he finds Pearl between them.

Spinel flinches back from the sharp spear piercing into her glove. She reaches out her arms, managing to take Pearl’s spear away from her.

Pearl summons another, but now it’s spear against spear. Steven could see how Pearl was struggeling fighting Spinel on her own. “I can do it… for… him!”

Steven snaps out of his trance, getting out his shield and blocking a hit for Pearl. Bismuth held back the rest of the gems as well as Connie from interviening. “Let them interact, this could be a piece for either of them! But stay ready to interviene.”

Pearl dodged another hit, getting distance between herself and Steven. “No! I can do this on my own… you’re too important to fight!”

“No.” Steven steps to her again. “We have to fight together.”

Steven’s gem gives a flash, though shortly followed by Pearl’s gem doing the same. Two pieces.

Pearl looks at Steven’s gem in horror. “No…. no, my purpose was to keep you safe, but you’re changing, you’ll...! I-!”

Steven blocked Spinel frustratingly flinging the spear at them, and it de-materializes.

Pearl was shaking her head, feeling weak, looking into the distance. Her hand was almost covering her mouth.

“You said my purpose was to protect you… my purpose was to keep you as you are, but how could I have protected you from yourself?” 

Tears began to gather and run down Pearl’s face, her voice growing weak. Watching her, something in Steven slowly began to understand what to do.

“I don’t understand, am I broken? Defective? Why did I let you do this? Why did I let you slip away?!”

“You’re not broken, Pearl.” Steven’s voice is firm, walking up to her to hug her from behind. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Rose… ” Steven let go of her, and she took a step forward. “Rose said…  _ Rose _ said I’m perfect the way I am… but  _ you _ … ” Pearl turns back to look at Steven. “You helped me believe her... That I can be...” She looks at her hands, then to the sky. “Me.”

Light engulfed Pearl whole, and as she shifted, Spinel stopped her attack in surprise as everyone watched her reform, elegantly landing on the ground now with a blue spear and similarly blue jacket.

“Pearl!”

Pearl turns at the voices calling for her, and when she steps back into the others, Amethyst and Garnet especially welcome her with open arms.

Steven looks at Pearl joining them. He did this. He… helped her. In a way, that, maybe, only he could have. His gem flashed again, and some part of him felt that things were becoming… better? Clearer?

Connie sighs, side-glancing at Bismuth’s reaction to the whole thing. “He sure has a lot of pieces.”

“Weeell, he did just bring Pearl back, so I don’t think we have long to go.”

Spinel’s scream ripped the moment to pieces. “ENOUGH! This is MY moment! This is MY revenge!!”

She formed a horn with her finger and blew into it. 

The injector suddenly picked itself out of the ground and began to move towards them.

Before the group could scatter, the drill aimed at them with surprising precision and-

hit a large, pink shield.

Steven stood in the middle of the group, holding a huge rose shield above everyone. His body shook ever so slightly with the effort of keeping the entire injector from crushing them to bits.

Suddenly, he took one hand away from the shield, staring at it. Like it could answer him something. When he placed it back on the shield, he did so thoughtfully.

Watching him, Garnet takes her own hand, stands beside him, and places it against the shield.

Pearl and Amethyst begin to follow the example, and Steven watches as every single one of the Crystal Gems place their hands against the shield, and it becomes much easier to hold.

He stops, looking around to everyone again. This feels… familiar. It feels right. Standing here, side by side with everyone, standing together to protect each other. Standing together to do what’s right no matter the risk or cost. He never was alone. He never had to do any of this alone.

His gem flashes- and then begins to glow consistently.

As the others hold the shield and watch in awe, a blinding, pure light coats Steven’s entire form.

He starts to levetate. Visibly to all, his gem starts to rotate back to the position that they’ve all known for so long. When he floats back to the ground and opens his eyes to look at everyone, they’re a wonderful, relieving, simple black.

Immediately, his eyes fill with tears, and he falls to his knees, sobbing.

Garnet wants to help him up first, but he turns away, curling inwards. She nods to Bismuth and she picks up Steven while Garnet guides the other Crystal Gems to get out without anyone getting crushed.

Just as they’re back on the beach, they can hear the injector breaking Steven’s shield in the distance.

Bismuth carefully lets Steven down. “Hey there now, it’s okay. You’re back, we can fix this.”

“I’m… I’m  _ so sorry _ .”

Garnet lets her visor disappear and lowers herself next to him. “It’s not your fault.”

“I was so horrible! I… I remember everything, I…” His talking is broken by sobs. “How could you possibly… You were so understanding, and I was so... awful…”

Bismuth places her hand on his shoulder while Garnet hugs him from the side. Amethyst hugs him from the other side, and pearl kneels down nearby to have one hand in his hair motherly. Lapis and Peridot sat down near the group as well where there was still space. 

They let Connie past them, who somehow still found space to sit down and hug him from the front, letting him bury his face into part of her shoulder.

He starts to sob louder, calming down a bit after a minute or two, wiping over his eyes with his jacket right before Pearl offered him tissues out of her gem.

He cleaned his face, still shivering a bit. “I… I’m so, so, so sorry. I need to fix this. ...All of this.”

Connie kept her voice soft and quiet. “None of this is your fault. We’ll fix it together.”

Just as she finishes, a loud, machinery-like sound can be heard from the injector, which has embedded itself back into the ground.

Steven nods, and then stands. He summons his shield. “I know what to do now.” He takes a deep breath. “Everyone, I need you to make sure Beach City is safe from the toxin. I’ll talk to Spinel, and hopefully, I can do something.”

Connie speaks up again. “You sure you don’t want help talking to Spinel?”

Garnet nods. “We still have some time because of our work on the injector, and I think we’ve all learned the importance of moral support now.”

Steven thinks, then nods. “Okay.” He offers Connie a hand, and she takes it. 

With a loud warp, Lion suddenly skids onto the sand and runs into Steven, knocking him over, and gently liking over his face.

“Hey there, bud!” Steven let out a laugh, sitting up once Lion backed down a bit. “Come on, you can help us fix all this mess.”

Lion sits down, and Steven and Connie both get on top, Connie with her sword on her back and Steven with his shield.

Bismuth looks after them. “Be careful up there!”

Steven gives her a thumbs up right before they warp.

They find Spinel on top of the injector, facing away. Lion lets both of them down, and Steven and Connie stand side by side. Connie has her shield still on her back however, sheathed away.

Spinel turns around, growling. “Wanna stop me, huh?”

Steven’s voice is different from before. Calmer, softer, but at the same time backed with a confidence that his rejuvenated self did not have. “Spinel, we’ve made mistakes. I’ve made mistakes. I did not treat you right when I was rejuvenated. Pink never treated you right.”

“Don’t say that!” She balled both her fists, stretching them to be larger. “You NEVER knew Pink! You have no idea what we had!”

Her fists hit Steven’s shield, over and over. Frustrated at the minor outcome, Spinel stepped back to lift her fists higher, and make them bigger.

“I don’t need to know what it was exactly to know she was wrong!”

“How would you even KNOW THAT!”

“I went to Homeworld!”

Spinels fists hesitate. “So?”

“I… I watched the recordings of the garden, and Pink’s diary… and she was wrong. But that doesn’t have to hold you back forever.”

“Easy for you to say, you… you’re never afraid of anything! You always have all your… friends, and… and...!” She lets her fist fly down onto them, but his shield doesn’t let anyone come to harm.

“You can do better than this, Spinel.”

“No…” She punches down with her right fist. “I…” Now her left. “Can’t!” Then with both, still to no avail. 

“You can!”

“I already did my best, and it wasn’t ENOUGH!”

Connie stepped in. “That’s what you felt, but you  _ are _ enough! You’re always enough.”

Spinel’s fists shake for a moment, but she shakes her head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. “No…. No! I could’ve...”

Her next hit is weaker. “I should have done better…”

Steven exchanges a look with Connie. “It doesn’t have to be this way. Let us help. We can do the hardest parts together.”

“I… I just wanted to be your friend...” Spinel lets her arms fall down limp, sinking to the ground.

Connie takes a step towards Spinel. “You can change this. I know you have the strength to change how all this feels. In a way, that… you can’t even  _ imagine _ right now.”

Spinel looks up at Connie. “You… liked talking to me, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“I thought about all this a lot while I was with Steven, but… what’s the point, now?”

Steven lets his shield down and walks up beside Connie. “What do you mean?”

“If I can’t make it, is that it? I’m just, stuck like this? No…” She gets up, her voice slowly turning a shout. “I’d rather get you back for all this while I still can! While I haven’t fallen for your… lies again!”

Steven shields them both from another fist, another, another. Each hit gets more frustrated and angry once more. “You’re just LYING! Tricking me again, hahh.. but I’m not that stupid anymore! You’ll… PAY!”

She tries to move in closer, but Steven blocks her every hit. When she tries to grab him, Connie gets out her sword to be able to keep Spinel’s hands at a distance by swinging the sharp blade, making it difficult to impossible to grab hold of either of them.

“Just… STAND STILL!”

Her further attempts failed, and when she went back to hitting the shield, it didn’t take long for her to tire out. She sank down.

“I can’t even do this right, can I? I can’t even…” She wrapped herself up in her own limbs, sitting in the middle of the injector.

Steven walks up to her again, and Connie follows close behind. Spinel watches them both approach while tears run over her face.

They both sit down next to her, and Steven starts to talk. “I know a couple gems who would love your company, you know.”

Spinel lets out a pained laugh. “Well, maybe of my old self, but not…” She points at her face. “This.”

Connie cuts in. “I never minded. I think you’re interesting to talk to, and I think there are plenty of other gems who think that too.”

Spinel wrapped her arms even tighter around herself, staring down at the pink surface reflecting her.

Steven looks at his own reflection as well, one hand stemmed on the smooth surface. 

Connie carefully put a hand on Spinel’s shoulder, making sure she’s comfortable with the gesture. “We can introduce you to a few, too. And from there, you’ll be able to find more friends.”

Spinel closes her eyes, another wave of tears flowing from her eyes. She unwraps her limbs and stands up. “I…” She wipes her tears away. “I want to... try.”

Connie and Steven both stand up. Steven watches Connie offer Spinel her hand, and she takes it. 

Spinel sighs. She forms the horn with her finger and blows into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cries a single tear* I'm so proud of all of them u dont even know


	9. Chapter 9

A quiet evening laid still over Beach City. In a house built half into the temple sat the Crystal Gems. Pearl set on some tea.

Greg, Amethyst and Peridot were scrolling through some website on the house tablet, sat on the floor, while Bismuth, Connie and Lapis were working on a 1000-piece puzzle on the table. Connie looks up when she hears Steven walking down the stairs.

He looks somewhat tired and yawns a little while he finds himself a place to sit on the sofa as well. Pearl finishes setting up the tea and gets seated on the wooden floor near the tablet. 

She looks over Steven. “Steven?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you go to Homeworld recently? Or were you and Connie training on your own again?”

Connie shakes her head. “We weren’t. I think Steven just spent too much time on his new Homeworld computer.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeahh, maybe.” He shrugs apologetically.

Pearl sighs, but smiles. “Well, don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

Steven sat still for a moment, then decided to change the topic. “How’s Black Tourmaline doing?”

Bismuth looks up from the puzzle. “She’s doin pretty well, actually. We found two more gems in the area this morning, too. I’m glad we got to give them a chance at a new start.” 

“And… Spinel?”

Amethyst looks up from the tablet before Bismuth can answer. “I mean, haven’t talked to her today, but I saw her helping the heaven beetles over a puddle just now, so I think she’s good.”

Peridot nods and snickers as she brings up a photo on her tablet. “I got her to help me make this!”

The others lean over to look at the photo, where Peridot is being held into the air to make it look like her hands are holding the sun from the perspective of the photo, also being made by Spinel.

“They all said you can’t make my idea with two gems, but look at it!”

Amethyst shrugs. “Sure looks cool.”

Peridot hugs the tablet. “It’s  _ perfect. _ ”

Steven listened to the other gems talk, absentmindedly staring at the puzzle on the table. The corners and one of the sides of it were already finished, giving a vague, rectangular outline.

Bismuth gives a small chuckle at Peridot, and then inspects another puzzle piece. “Well. After everything, I’m glad we got it fixed after all.”

She looks over to Steven, and notices his tired stare at the table. “Hey,” she puts a hand on his shoulder, and he perks up, “you good?”

“What? Oh, yeah, yeah… just tired, is all.”

“Have you and Connie been able to train together yet?”

He shakes his head. “No. We still can’t fuse.”

Connie looks up from the puzzle and to Steven. “It’s okay, it’s just taking a while. We have time, now that we don’t have to fight anyone anymore.”

Bismuth sighs and puts her hands back on the table. “I’m not surprised. You were gone for quite a bit. The longer a gem remains… reset, and the more new memories they make, the less they’re able to turn back.”

She turns to him. “You were gone for a while, Steven.”

“Well, so was Pearl…”

Pearl crosses her arms in front of her chest, but proudly and softly so. “I’m quite a bit older than you, and a week or so isn’t too long, by comparison to the other few thousand years of my life.”

Bismuth nods. “But you’re a lot younger than that, so of course it’d affect you. But you’re still you, and you were able to help Pearl, and Spinel. You even helped Pearl before you were back yourself.”

Steven lets out a small laugh after all. “Well, I was close, really.” He sits up straighter. “I’m just glad everyone is alright now.”

“That’s the spirit.”

The whistling of the teapot made Pearl stand up and start to pour Steven, Connie and Amethyst a cup each. 

When she sat back down, she sighed, and the relief and calm joy of the moment caused everyone to go quiet in a comfortable, trusting silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
> but also  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> That was Part 1!
> 
> Thanks yall to all the super sweet comments and the support! I've moved any occasional writing to @allet-art on tumblr:   
> https://allet-art.tumblr.com/
> 
> ENJOY PART 2!!!


	10. Chapter 10

“Steeeven! Are you coming? We’re gonna be late you know!”

Connie’s voice sounds through the door to his room.

“Five, no, two more minutes, I promise!” Steven calls back over his shoulder.

He faces to his bathroom mirror again, the door from his bathroom to his room cracked open. Connie is waiting outside his room, able to shout through the shut door. He splashes his face with water, breathes out. 

Keeping his eyes closed, he starts to picture how their movie night could go: He’d take money with him that he had saved up so they can both buy as much popcorn as they want. They could both head to his home and have dinner together with Pearl and Garnet, who’d promised to be there and prepare something for them.

He rubbed his face clean of the water after getting another glance of himself in the mirror. 

He paused, suddenly, and then turned back. Nothing out of the ordinary, though. Strange.

Starting to brush through his hair one last time, he watches the mirror with confused intensity, unable to find whatever he thought he saw.

“Steven, c’mon!”

“One more minute, I promise!”

“Oh my god, I take less time and I actually tried using make-up today!” 

Steven could hear the laughing-note in Connie’s voice and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes. Right. Now he’s ready.

When he opens them, he suddenly startled back from his reflection. No, no that can’t have been…?

He shakes his head, looking to the mirror again, but nothing is out of the ordinary. He stares himself in the eyes. They’re normal. But he could have sworn he saw…

No time for that now. He walks into his room, checking the cat-shaped clock near his bed. Connie’s right, they could be late if they took much longer.

He goes to the door while putting on his jacket, unlocking the door and giving Connie a broad smile. “Ready.”

He could deal with whatever  _ that _ was, later.

\---

Standing in his room, he yawns as he glances out the window. It’s late afternoon, but he feels tired enough to go to bed right now.

He sits down on his bed, the soft matress giving the motion something bouncy. It only made him realize how unlike him it felt right now. But tired of what? Good question. He couldn’t quite place a finger on it.

He hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary. Sure, maybe one or two favors more to try and make up for… But otherwise, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing he could pinpoint.

His hands grab the bedframe tighter. Then what is it? Why does it have to be something, anway? Tired. Worn out, like a weight pulling him down to the ocean floor.

On his bedside table lie pictures of the others. They recently wanted to make a huge photo-album together. Managing to smile a tiny bit, he sits down closer to the small table.

His fingers go over the smooth ink. Amethyst? Well, it’s not like she’s perfectly fine. She’d always taken the longest to feel okay. Repressing so much, so focused on playing it cool, being stronger… she needs her own downtime, no need to press her.

Garnet, wouldn’t she already know what he has to say? So if there’s any possibility of him going to talk to her, wouldn’t she already know…? He knows her powers don’t quite work that way. Though, maybe he should leave that to more serious things. More important things.

Pearl…? After everything, after those horrible, horrible… how long was it? Almost two weeks? He hunches over, shoulders pulling up. No… no.

Gulping the sting of pain he felt back down, he looks to the pictures again, continuing to flick through. Lapis can be too quiet for talks, and she’s really still traumatized as well. Peridot is too focused on Lapis, and Bismuth…

He sighs, feeling weight wrap around his body like iron chains. 

No. He shakes his head. What is he doing? What would he even talk about with them? There’s nothing to talk about. His hands clutch the picture of her tightly as his eyes start to focus on a point far in the distance.

He forces himself to straighten out. Everything is fine, right? Of course. He’s back to himself, everyone else is back to normal, the injector is off and gone, Spinel has started a new life. What more could he possible wish for?

His fingers start to fiddle with the picture, pulling small rips into it while he attempts to control the onslaught of emotions, not paying attention to his hands.

How must she think of him now? Feel of him? He regained his pieces gradually. She knows, she has to know that he didn’t ever loose any of his memory. Not during, not after. So was that really him? Or who, who was it? Who was it who did that, if not him-?

He focuses on his hands again, suddenly, taken aback. Instead of Bismuth’s picture, dozens of tiny little paper flakes dot his bedside table. Like snow. Like tiny little puzzle pieces. Like broken, cracked parts of a whole being. Like…

No. He’d be fine. He wipes over his eyes with a sleeve. Everything. Is. Fine.

\--

It didn’t feel obvious, and at the same time it feels really, really obvious. Don’t they notice the looks he gets now? Don’t they see that he can tell there’s still so much he has to make up for now?

He leans against the cold, smooth stone surface behind him. Looking up, the sky looks back down. Few clouds dot it, casting shadows onto the ruined sky arena. 

But he can tell, the slight tension. The way he feels thrown off sometimes, like he’s torn between what to do. 

Like he’s holding a mug full of boiling hot water, and no matter what he does, some still gets to spill out. Some mistake, some slip up, or he starts to worry without knowing. What if he’s right though? 

How would he know when he’s right and when he isn’t? Or should he be surer, and all the tension he feels is so much more obvious than he thinks it is?

Hearing footsteps, he looks up. Garnet is coming down the steps behind him. She calmly reaches the bottom and sits down across from him, a mistified calm behind her visor, like a fog covering the doors to her being.

She sits down in a meditive position, and Steven forces himself to smile and mirror her.

She speaks monotonely, but not uncaringly so. “Breathe.”

He obeys, filling his lungs with the fresh, but perhaps a little too warm air.

“Close your eyes. Feel the way it flows inside, then releases. Listen to your inner rythmn.”

Behind the dark of his eyes he can focus on the air filling his lungs, pushing inside his chest like against a sore spot. He pulls his brows down, but otherwise shows nothing of it.

“Hear the rythmn, and let it speak to you.”

He continues to breathe, but his rythmn, although there, doesn’t seem talkative. No matter how much he waits, the longer he does, the more the silence seems to pressure him. The more his inability gets to him and starts to nag at his thoughts. 

After a few moments of silence, he opens his eyes and sighs. 

“I’m sorry, Garnet. I know you try hard, I just… I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t answer, so he keeps talking.

“I’m taking up a lot of your time. Me and Connie will fuse again soon, just… ”

He trails off. Garnet lets out a thoughtful humm, watching his shoulders slump down. After another while he speaks up again, looking to the visor trying to figure out what lay behind it. If only he could truly know.

“I can get the rythmn and everything, but it doesn’t… talk to me? I don’t know why. I know it’s my fault our fusion isn’t working. Maybe I’m just bad at listening...” His arms wrap around himself.

Garnet smiles softly. “But your rythmn does speak.”

“But-”

“You’ve spoken volumes in the past minute alone.”

He falls quiet, and suddenly feels distantly afraid she’d gotten a glance at… at what? What is he afraid of showing her? There’s nothing to show, is there? No, there must be nothing to show.

When she speaks up again, her smiles has faded. 

“Steven. Your rythmn is as important to fusion as it is to uphold your mindful stability.”

“I know. Don’t worry, I’ll get it eventually, I promise. I’ll be fine.”

Garnet nods, and smiles again. “Perhaps you need time to yourself. Listen to your rythmn, Steven. I’m confident you will know what to do. Trust yourself.”

He nods. Something in him distantly hopes that will be it, but Garnet’s face grows more strict.

“Now, from the top…”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder here that all of part 2, so up till chapter 23, was written and finished BEFORE steven universe future aired!

He sits on his bed. The sun beams outside, and he’s long abandoned his pink jacket on a chair, now only in a black shirt with the characteristic yellow star on it. Summer air sweeps in through his window, spilling from the opening onto the room’s floor.

Sitting in a meditative position, he continues to try and breathe how Garnet taught him. She’s probably right. Well, she usually is, so it’s worth a try.

Nothing. Only the sweat gathering on the back of his neck. He stands up to close his window, it’ll probably be colder if it’s closed.

As he sits down again, he’s quickly ripped out of his thoughts by his ringtone. Reaching over to it, a familiar number is calling him.

He picks up, laying down on his back. “Yeah? Bismuth?”

“Steven! You have a minute? We need some help at LH if you can.”

He jumps off his bed. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

A few sparkling, cool blue warps later, he finds himself in the middle of LH. An orange-pink space-craft looks to have crashed nose-first into one of the buildings, smoke drifting upwards and sparks of energy still flying.

“What in the-?” Steven runs up next to Bismuth.

One of Nethrite’s crew-gems - Nephrity - is examining the ship, trying to figure out if it still works or not.

Bismuth turns to him, arms crossed calmly in front of her chest. “Good you’re here. As you can see, we’ve got… an unusual problem.” She gestures to the ship.

Nephrity hops down from the roof of the house. “It appears to be functional. Steven Universe, you may be able to override it’s adminship with your gem.”

Most of the corrupted gems - as well as formerly Homeworld gems - continue to insist on at least adressing him with his entire name, having grudgingly agreed to drop all other formalities.

The smoking piece of gem-tech was half the size of the house. Steven couldn’t find anything familiar about it. “But what’s a ship like this doing here? Where did it come from?”

Bismuth shrugs. “No idea. Just saw it crash-glidin down out of the blue. No passengers, either.”

Steven turns to Nephrity. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

The decorrupted gem nods, stepping back to Bismuth’s side. As Steven approaches the building, trying to see where he could get inside, his gem begins to glow softly.

Looking down, he places his hand over it, glancing back to Bismuth and Nethrity nervously, but they’re just as clueless. When he turns his attention to the ship again, through the smoke, the symbol of a pink diamond glows.

“Ughhh…” He lets out a soft groan, tired. So this is his fault too, now. Great.

“Steven? You recognize this thing?”

He turns back to Bismuth. “What? No! Bismuth, you know I don’t…!” He lets go of his breath. No need to raise his voice. “Nevermind.”

He jumps up, gingerly landing on the roof, testing it on stability. After he makes his way to the ship and squeezes his way through an opening, he studies his surroundings.

A main entrance room with doors both ways. To the back of the ship lays something akin to a storage room, to the front the control room. The pink gem-tech doors stand open to both.

Steven heads carefully to the storage room first. A light, almost musical hum of a gem-powered engine greets him. A few empty bubbled sit on pedastols, though likely technological ones instead of made by a specific gem. Reusable, perhaps?

No gems in sight, though. He breathes out in relief, and heads to the control room.

The control panel lights up, reacting to his presence. “Alright, what this time…” He murmurs, placing his palm on a surface still brandishing the old diamond authority symbol.

Pass a few minutes, neither of the gems were any closer to figuring out where the ship came from. The records being coded and the only thing they found out being that it must have been a custom made ship, Steven landed it in the desert with the guidance of Nephrity.

Once he was outside again, he sighed, squinting against the hot desert sun. 

“A very good job landing her, Steven Universe.”

“Heh, thanks. I’m no real ship commander, but it’s good enough to just stick around here.”

She gives him a thumbs up, and they both warp back to LH.

\---

The lights of the house flicker. An unnerving sense of something being… off, wrong, surreal even, makes Steven shiver. He pulls his jacket tighter around himself. 

His eyes glide across the house. The moon coats it in a blue and black veil, leaving the corners sharp and shadows deep. A feeling of dread suddenly washes over him and he stands completely still.

Breaths drawing quick but silent, not daring to move, his eyes dart around the room. Nothing to see, and yet, cold sweat seems to be running down his skin. He shivers again, looking around, expecting to see a face of nightmares in every shadow.

A weight on his shoulder makes him turn around with a yell. He stares into the pair of pink eyes, tense. A pink glow coats the room, even though it does nothing to warm the atmosphere.

The pink mirror image of him still has its hand up in the air, staring back unblinkingly. Terror flows through his veins, filling his chest, choked up and stopped at the throat by an invisible force closing his airways.

As the pink version of him reaches out its hand towards him, Steven yells again, louder now, though nothing specific. He stumbles back, unable to take his eyes off of the sight.

The pink eyes stare back at him coldly, reacting in no way other than putting his hand back to his side. It lays it’s head to the side. Stares.

Steven breathes out, though the fear continued trying to twist into his heart. He feels he has to do something, there has to be something he can do - but terror turns his limbs to stone. He feels helpless. Useless. Nothing.

Slowly, at the corner of his sight, he sees a darkness start to swallow the room, reminding him of when Rose’s room began to fall apart. 

“No… no! This can’t… It’s not my fault! It’s not-“

His pink version takes a step foreward, but he only steps back more. There is nothing beneath his foot, then feet. Nothing. Black claws hungrily tear at his form, ripping, tearing, digging into his skin-

He screams. Breathes, pants, sweats, opens his eyes… Breathes out. His room, the real version of it, looks back at him. The blue glow of the new diamondbase fills his room in a familiar fashion. 

A nightmare. He breathes out. Just… a nightmare.

Just a nightmare, right?

He glances over to the cat-eared clock. 3:21. He shivers again, even though it’s too warm in his room.

Falling back onto his bed, he fixates his eye on the ceiling. It’ll be fine, probably. Not the first nightmare in his life. Though usually, they’re more… Rose-themed.

Rolling around on his side to have the clock out of view, he stares at the stars through his window. The worst part of nightmares is always right after they happen. Then, with time, it all calms down, right?

Homeworld’s star is visible that night, glistening just a tad brighter than the ones around it. He watches it intently. The longer he does, the more he can notice it’s rythmic pulsating, like a beating heart.

The tiny light fades from his vision as his eyes tiredly fall shut.

\---

The ringing of his phone wakes him the next morning. Rubbing exhaustion out of his eyes, he reaches for it, yawning.

“...yea?”

Lapis voice’s sounds through the cellphone. “Steven! I know it’s early, but err… it’s Spinel, and we can’t reach Connie. Just, be quick.”

“Sure!” His tired answer falls on deaf ears as Lapis hangs up before she can hear it.

Sighing, he gets out of bed, puts on a new, although same-looking shirt and warps to LH, shield up.

Smoke coming from one of the districts tells him where to go. Running past gems, some of them greeting him as he goes by, he quickly arrives at the scene.

“Spinel!” As he calls out, the pink gem turns her face to him. Tears stream down it, and her fists are balled.

“UGH! You’re just trying to- WHAT’S THE POINT?! You-” she points to Lapis and Peridot, “-don’t want me here, you NEVER DID! You’re just… ahah… lying to me… LYING so I’ll play your little TOY!”

Steven steps between Spinel and the pair of gems. “Woah, woah… Spinel, why don’t we breathe, together.”

“I DON’T WANT TO BREATHE! I want- They lied to me!!”

Lapis crosses her arms. “Did not.” Peridot looks a lot more concerned in contrast, apologetically glancing between Steven and Spinel.

“Okay, look… e-every gem makes mistakes.”

“You just… say that, and what now? What, does that make everything BETTER?”

“Spi-”

A fist aims at him and he shields himself, glad he summoned it beforehand.

“Spinel, it’s okay. It’s okay to be mad, and- and speak your mind, and maybe even lash out at things, but not… people!”

She growls at him. Steven’s voice grows more firm, but stays calm. “You could really hurt someone.”

“THEY hurt me FIRST!”

Another fist, another, and Steven feels himself trapped back on top of that injector, helpless to change her mind. Connie was the one who did it, then, and she’s not here… But he has to. He has to do something.

“I know, but that happens! It’s okay to be hurt. That way they can learn. You can all learn.” His voice begins to waver, and his shield takes multiple more hits. 

It’s not the first time. Usually, and just like now, the anger tantrum blows over once she has the energy out of her system. She deflates, like a baloon, spilling to the ground with tears.

Lapis sighs and follows Peridot to her. Steven hears them apologize - Peridot to Spinel and Spinel to both of them - and unsummons his shield.

“You okay from here?”

Lapis nods. “Thanks, Steven. My water isn’t a very hittable surface, and we’re not the best at talking to her.”

He gives her a thumbs up and starts to drag himself back home. Once around a corner, away from them, he feels himself deflate almost in the same way, leaning against the wall of a building. 

Some gem tells him to make space as the wall was being redecorated. Apologizing and heading off, he tiredly looks over the busy LH streets. Now hopefully he can sleep the rest of the day…

He admits to himself, though, that that’s pretty unlikely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems this Steven internalizes rather than externalizes - most likely due to his experience while rejuvenated.  
> (Thats my reason for him acting different here than in Future, anyway.)


	12. Chapter 12

The walls glitter and pulse with an ethereal rythmn. Steven’s steps echo through the geometrically precise halls. He pays his bright surroundings no mind, confidently opening yet another door. The doors recognize him.

It’s strange. It feels odd, how different the halls are now… they feel like a back yard to him, when before they always stood for the confusing maze of all the issues that still needed solving.

He arrives in a room coated in pure pink. A large window allows view onto the rest of Homeworld. Spirals, towers and imposing structures loom above deactivated mass-production facilities, dotting the glowing, pulsing landscape with dark, lifeless wounds.

Placing his hand on another panel, a computer manifests its screens before him. He scrolls through them with intent, focused eyes. There has to be something, at least something more than what he found on his small version back on Earth.

Something about him, something about what to do. How the rejuvenator really works. Anything.

The records flash before his sight, calmly looking back at him. Like they know something that he doesn’t. He scrolls faster, more eager now. Not that either approach would help him.

What did it really do? Is his gem-half still missing memories? Did it mess with his… 

His thoughts trail off. Coding, is what he wanted to think, to say. Programming.

His hand hovers above the panel as his mind wanders off. But connecting with gem-tech when he was this… other self, felt different. Cold, but connected. Like they were one. Like if he were to give into the tasks presented to him, that connection would last however many years it must. 

He shivers and retracts his hand, the screen powering off.

He breathes, and activates it again, locking it in place.

Then, slowly, like reaching into fire, he moves his hand to the pink screen, and through it.

His sight falters. Flashes. 

Right here, right now, everything, makes sense. The revelations, the reports, the records. They move, in rythmn, to the unseen, but perfect, heartbeat, of Homeworld. Beating, living, and yet, dead. 

He pulls his hand out of the screen, flinching. Just that quick contact - though he couldn’t say how long it lasted - was more than enough.

One, his gem could be missing memories, pieces, somehow. Unlikely. He remembers everything, after all. He feels like… himself, for the most part.

Two, this has nothing to do with the rejuvenator and somehow his emotional disparity is calling upon his gem in a new way.

Or, three, whatever his mother did to his gem - her gem - when she gave birth to him to ensure he did not have her memories or her programming, didn’t account for rejuvenation. 

He knew that by reaching through the screen again, perhaps he would find out which it was. Keeping his hands in fists as he stares at the pink computer, he powers it off.

He could leave this for later, but...

No. He has to find out. He gulps. Powers it back on, and reaches through the screen.

Retracting his hand as quickly as the first time, his mind buzzes with an odd, metaphorical but logical imagery of his existance - his de-programmed gem, lacking it’s de-juvenator functions, the changes being easily reset - still combining with his DNA, though in a different manner than before. 

Not how he’s used to. Not how it was before. Is that it? He wraps his arms around himself. To Homeworld, he wears his pink jacket. It might be summer on earth, but it’s cold, on Homeworld.

Is that really it? Unless he impossibly finds out what precicely Rose did to his gem and somehow copies his old self, also lost to time, on top of it, this is what he is, now?

His hands press into his jacket tighter. No, that’s not it. It can’t possibly be. Everyone else turned back, and he still gained his pieces. 

He knows, though, that his gem’s response to the human DNA was to adjust it to itself with time. In a way that, while his human half has the de-juvenating functions, his gem half did not. 

Not to mention the rejuvenator never managed to affect his human half. It affected his gem, unable to de-juvenate itself, trying to copy the de-juvenation from his human half, half-failing half-succeeding...

But how? How could that, how could he, his being, be such… such a clusterfuck? Such a chaotic mess between biology and gem-tech? He feels the pain in his chest rise to his throat. He always felt whole. Complete. Not perfect, but… symmetrical.

And now, strangely, the thought that his gem, his internal being, is so… off, bothers him. It bothers some part deeply ingraned somewhere in the crystallized connections and processors of who he is.

His fingers dig deeper into his arms. It never bothered him before. He presses his eyes shut to stop the inevitable tears from rolling down his face.

He shook his head. There isn’t time for that, he has to figure out how to put everything back to normal. Somehow. There’s still one more thing for him to try.

Once he steps through the halls back to the nearest galaxy warp, a huge blue gem notices him. “Steven!”

Blue Diamond fondly places one hand to her cheek and elegantly lowers herself somewhat. “You didn’t tell you were visiting, otherwise we would have welcomed you.”

“That’s fine, no need.” He gestures with his hand and heads to the next door.

“Oh! Oh… are we too overbearing? I know you said we need to tone it down a bit, last time.”

He sighs, the exhaustion apparent in his voice. “It’s fine, just… ” His mind stops. 

Overbearing. Right, his other version visited. Somehow, the thought that the diamonds noticed nothing much wrong with him then makes his chest sting for a moment. Perhaps not because of attachment, but because he was sure anyone who’s ever met him would know that he’s nothing like… that other version.

“Steven?” Blue Diamond’s voice is more careful, now, even more so than usual.

He stops and turns, accepting his fate. “...Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fiiiine.”

“I’m not sure…”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, last time… err, Pink was tired, and didn’t want to talk, and kept insisting everything is fine, well….”

“Oh. Well, I’m definitly not going anywhere except back home to earth, no worries.”

“Of course. You’re welcome to visit any time!” She calls after him as he heads through a door and the door shuts behind him decidedly.   
  
  
  


A last try indeed.

The desert flings sand particles his way, like a warning of nature trying to stop him. All he needs is a bubble, and the warnings trickle off of the pink surface and back onto the ground.

The ruined ship still sleeps, cushioned between the sand, glowing. He steps inside.

The pink computer welcomes him with a familiar pink glow. He breathes in, and places his hand through the screen…

The code, which starts to blur, to move, reconnect, contain logic, swirls and locks in, before his inner eyes. 

When he pulls his hand out, he’s not sure what to make of the information. Bismuth was right when she said the code is probably tied to his gemstone. Diamonds make encodings to begin with, and judging by the colors, Pink Diamond must have encoded these parts.

Something about… his gemstone. Along with the typical diary entries of his mother that he’s gotten used to deciphering. But what exactly do they mean?

Something about his gem being coded, but that’s nothing new, even if the thought sends shivers down his spine. Most importantly, why on earth did this ship just come crashing?

He inspects the other technological aspects of the ship. It’s somewhat older, definitly Era 2 making. No gem would use this kind of ship now…

Left with more questions than answers, he hops out of the ship in his bubble, heading to the warp pad. 


	13. Chapter 13

Everything is okay.

Laying here, on a puff of pink cloud as a pleasant, cool breeze flows by, he finally feels relaxed. The room always had something… relaxing. It feels like breathing out, like meditating. 

Not to mention the temperature is much more bearable. And here, only here, nobody can bother him. Nobody can need him, nothing can rip him out of this perfect, quiet dream.

Here, everything can be just as he wants it to be, because there’s no one here but him.

Despite the atmosphere around him, it’s difficult to deny the uncomfortable turmoil that still rises in his chest now and again. What will they say when he steps outside and he wasn’t there when they needed him? When he misses something important?

The longer he watches the fluffy shapes and the perfect, starless sky, the more he feels… alone.

Stars. The stars are nice. He watches the sky begin to dot itself with tiny specks of light. The ethereal light dims and the sky turns darker, black even, to outline the new addition to the sky. Among them, one star stands out - bright, pulsating, lively - representing Homeworld’s star.

He sits up, pulling his legs closer to himself. He shouldn’t be here, stargazing, doing nothing. The world, the universe, it needs him. It needs him to fix things, to keep everything from falling apart, to uphold peace.

To uphold peace, or at least order, feels like… his duty. His purpose.

He shivers again, wrapping his arms around himself. The stars in the sky begin to dim, one by one.

No, he doesn’t have a purpose. He’s human - half human at least - and he has no inherent purpose. He only has his life, his own choices. He’s free. He doesn’t feel free.

The programming, that can’t possibly be a piece of him directly. They’re only half. Maybe they’re not used at all. It’s a nice, tretarous thought.

His hands fall to his sides to dig into the pink cloud beneath him. No, he’s more human than gem, always has been. He can’t poof, he needs to eat, and sleep. 

His fingers dig in deeper. 

I’m not entirely gem. I don’t have a purpose, I’m not programmed. I got all of my pieces, the puzzle is back together, and everything is fine.

A sharp, cold wind blows over the landscape, and the pink clouds grow darker. 

I’m savior of the galaxy, the universe. I am. Not my mother, not Rose nor Pink Diamond, or the other diamonds. I did something, didn’t I? This is my victory. 

This is MY victory. But victory over what? My mother’s  _ mistakes? _

And what am I, if not another one of them?

His thoughts stop as a pink mirror image of him stands on a cloud identical to his. 

“Wait, what- what are…”

It stares back at him, and fear builds in his chest. He pants, looking down to his stomach. His gem is… glitching.

He stands up, brief lightning making him cast a long, dark shadow. The stars are out, and the dark clouds are lightened only by an eerie, dark pink glow from below.

He cries out to his pink half. “I never wanted any of this. I never wanted to fix her mistakes!” 

He could have just been born a human, without any of this burden, without this  _ purpose _ , to live and love and die. Then why? Why did he have to be the product of this mess of mistakes?

The room shifts, the clouds starting to fade against the black sky. The cloud he stands on is beginning to glitch. He takes a step backwards, closing his eyes at another flash of lightning.

The noises calm, and he opens his eyes to be standing on a white cloud. The sky is blue, a pure, baby blue, and below the white and gray clouds is a hint of dark green, indicating where up and down is. The pink version of him is gone.

Everything feels so… normal. Like the pink was washed out of it. An energetic feeling, a clump of emotion rises from his chest. He wants to push it back, but it breaks through. Out of his mouth tears a cut-off bit of a hysterical laugh. He covers his mouth with his hands, sinking to his knees, trying to hold back. 

Tears stand in his eyes as he muffles the sound, only to think, why, why if nobody is here, nobody ever will be, this is his room, and he laughs, only that the sound twists his insides in a relieving, terrifying way.

No. Nonono, no, this isn’t… this isn’t who he is. This isn’t him, it can’t be. He rings for air and stands up again, looking over the jarringly ordinary sight before him. Something tears at him, his insides. A buildup, and he doesn’t know what it’s building up to.

He doesn’t want to know, even. He wants to get out of here, just out, back to reality-

He falls out of the temple door and onto the wood floor of his house, hitting his head on the old warp pad. 

“Urgh…” He stands up, rubbing the back of his head. The room’s never tossed him out this violently before.

\---

He lies awake at night. Panting against the heat, his mind still raced with the dream - the nightmare - he woke up from.

Pink, again. Pink eyes. Staring, something breaking, then everything breaking - but no, no. He must hold on. This isn’t a fight he can see anyone helping him with. What would they think? What if they think he’s not properly back? Would they ever, ever be able to trust him again?

He groans, turning over onto his side. If only he could finally finish dealing with this damn pink mess. If only he were finally done, and would never have to think of Pink Diamond, or Rose, or her mistakes, ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's aesthetic: Steven breaks out in hysterical, twisted laughter


	14. Chapter 14

Without knowing why, he warps. Without knowing where, like he’s looking for something he can’t describe or pinpoint. When the blue stream fades, however, the landscape is all too familiar.

He shivers. But, no. He must face this, one way or another… Something draws him to this place.

Moving in wide jumps, eventually he stands before it: The ruined tower.

He shivers, shakes, but forces the feeling down and steps inside. A wave of energy, emotion, washes over him. He ignores it and breathes out. If he can face this place, he can face everything.

His eyes glide over the room. Everything is as it was before. 

It’s fine. In fact, this place doesn’t feel as bad as he thought…

His eyes land on the Pink Diamond mural.

He steps up to it, placing a hand on it, slowly, carefully going over the glass. The worst part is not that he wants to study the details, or that he wonders how it was built. The worst part is he remembers going over it with his hand like this. Slow, careful.

Fire starts to rise in his chest. He draws his hand back, turns it to a fist.

An impulse fires up. His fist hits the mural at the base, and it cracks.

“Why did you have to be here?!” His outcry goes unanswered. 

“Why…” He trembles, and another fits hits the mural. The cracks deepen, widen, spread out further.

In the reflection of the broken glass pieces, he sees his reflection, and he hates it. Hates the pink hue it has, or the way his eyes are that of his mother. 

Anger rises in him and his fist balls again.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STAY DEAD!”

As his fist hits, the mural shatters. Pieces of glass-like material rain down around him, and he flinches back. Staring at his fist, staring at the destroyed mural.

The energy suddenly twists and turns to pain. Pain that starts to push tears out of his eyes. He stiffles his sobs into his hand, sinking down to the ground.

\---

Food. Food is all he needs right now. He digs through the fridge, somewhat dissatisfied with its contents. Maybe he’ll just get pizza instead.

Connie walks in through the front door, spotting him. “Steven! I thought you’d be here.”

“Huh? Oh, hey Connie. I was just getting something to eat.” He doesn’t know why he internally wishes he would have stayed in his room instead.

“Cool, mind if I join?”

He shrugs, and Connie walks in. Behind her, Amethyst follows. Steven knows from their face expressions that they’re here for more than just food.

He sighs. “What is it?”

Neither of them answer. He closes the fridge. “I know you’re here for something.”

Amethyst jumps onto the couch, and the cushions bounce from the impact. “Yeah, dude. I mean, this was Connie’s idea, but like, we seriously need to talk.”

He can feel his insides get queazy. “What about?”

Connie sits down as well, gesturing to the seat beside her. “About how you’ve been.”

“I’ve been fine, why?” He made no efforts to move away from the fridge, glad that his face is turned away from them. 

They go quiet, and he wonders why. “Are you okay?” Connie’s voice is careful. 

“I am, why?”

“Uhh, your bubble is up.”

“Huh?” He turns to them now, realizing that he did indeed bubble himself without realizing.

Amethyst groans. “Come on, Steven, you’re never this… secret-y!”

“I’m not. I’m not hiding anything, I don’t know why you think I am.” He’s nervous, he shoves his hands in his pockets. He’s always been a bad liar.

Connie’s face expression shifts to worried, while Amethyst is calm, but annoyed. “Yeah. You look like you haven’t slept in a week. And you stopped talking to us about stuff? And like…”

Amethyst trails off, while Steven grows nervous looking at Connie’s face expression. 

Amethyst clears her throat and goes on. “And uh, that’s new, but like, your eyes.”

“My what?!” The bubble pops. He jumps up, darting to a drawer, a mirror, bringing it to his face. Diamonds. Diamond eyes. No, no… nonono…

Amethyst followed him to the drawer, standing behind him. “Hey, calm down, like. I mean, it’s probably not… that bad, yknow?”

“WHat do you mean it’s not that bad?!” He jumps up, standing opposite of her, voice raised. A bubble forms. “This is REALLY bad! This… this… This is awful, do you know what this could mean?! I-” 

Why is he yelling at her? Is it the nervousness? It has to be. It has to be. It has to be. He shakes his head, cutting off. When he grabs the mirror to stare at himself again, his eyes are normal. But why? Why now? He breathes in and releases the pink bubble around him. Focus.

“Woah. Okay, listen, I’m not the best at this stuff and you know that, but you haven’t started acting like an asshole yet yknow?”

“H-how often has this happened and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Never! I mean, this is the first time.”

Connie has gotten up as well, standing behind Amethyst, looking past her.

“I… “ His voice stays stuck in his throat, and he barely manages to breathe. No, this is bad, this is bad. His insides twist. He closes his eyes, pressing his hands onto them. 

The door to the house swings open, and Bismuth steps in with Peridot on her shoulder. “And you know, just as I was swingin to slice through em, they-”

Bismuth stops when she sees the scene before her, and Peridot looks over them quizzically. 

Bismuth sets Peridot on the ground. “What’s... going on?”

Steven shakes his head again, letting his hands down. This is ridiculous. What is he afraid of? Why does it matter? 

A question pends in his mind, and he decides it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he gets through this without any more mistakes.

A feeling of cold calm washes through his veins, and he opens his eyes to look at them. He opens his mouth to say something, to calm them down, but Bismuth flinches back.

“Your eyes-!”

Peridot stares at him, and Steven finds himself caught in the middle of everyone’s glares. His shoulders slump. 

Bismuth starts speaking, slowly, suspiciously. “You’re the one that started repairing the ship, aren’t you?”

“W-what?”

“You know what ship I mean! All of the controls and the information is decoded and was put back in working order!”

“No! No, Bismuth, that’s not-” He shakes his head, and his eyes turn back to normal. “I was trying to figure out-” He cuts off. Figure out what’s wrong with him.

She squints at him. “Figure out what.”

“F-figure out…” His eyes dart around everyone. His heart thumps in his chest loudly, and he only has one thought: The galaxy warp.

“I-I…” What would he tell them, anyway? What would fix this? He felt his body shaking. Like his worst nightmare, come true, right before his eyes. They don’t trust him. Did they ever?

He shakes his head again and then heads backwards, up the stairs, to the station. They call something out behind him, but his only thought is away, away, far away from this place, far away from here.

He’s almost at the entrance to the diamond base when someone blocks his path. Bismuth, having instead gone outside and scaled the house, got there just second earlier.

“Y-you don’t understand, it’s- it’s me, I just…” 

She continues to stand, hands shapeshifted into weapons. “If you are, then it’s not important you go to Homeworld.”

“Bismuth… please. You don’t…. understand...”

Her voice is low as she stands her ground. “Oh, I think I understand perfectly.”

He can hear the others trying to catch up. He must make a choice. Now.

Running towards her with one shield up, he manages to slide by her by grabbing onto the railing and propelling himself foreward.

She turns around and runs after him as he heads to the warp pad. His feet touch it and he reaches out to warp, but just before the process is complete, a loud crash tells him Bismuth destroyed the galaxy connector. Why did he need to position it closer to the entrance than the warp pad itself?

His chances of going to homeworld are over. Before he can try to warp someplace on earth, Bismuth lunges for him. He’s frozen still, horribly reminded of fighting her once already, until he moves last second to fling his shield’s edge into her torso.

A poof sounds, followed by the clatter of the heavy, rainbow-colored gemstone. Without thinking, or perhaps while thinking of something else, he grabs the gemstone, bubbles it, and warps away.

A moment too late Amethyst, Connie and Peridot burst into the diamond base, watching the last bits of warp fade.   
  
  


He runs through the desert, for once unbothered by the heat it flings his way. As the anger, the turmoil grow to their height, he only knows he wants to get away from all of them, away from this mess. Distantly, some core mechanic of him yearns for the perfection of home.

The ship welcomes him. He places the gemstone into the storage and heads to the control panel. Nervously trying to command the ship, the sound of the warp pad activating tears at his concentration.

He commands it to shut the door, but just as the last slit remains, the end of a purple whip stops it from closing entirely. He stares at the pink surveillance screen in the commanding room.

He watches a blue spear force the rest of the door open, and Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst and Connie make their way inside. 

Even if he closes the door between the main room and the command room, they’ve already made their way inside, but he deicdes to shut all doors anyway. This time, as they’re focused on their surroundings, they don’t manage to stop it.

This should be easy, right? He can defeat them. But, no - no, why would he want to fight them? Everything can just go back to how it was. But they’re trying to stop him. 

He shakes his head to try and clear it of the turmoil, and as the gems attempt to break the door between the main room and the command room, the ship begins to take off on a direct course for Homeworld.

The door is breached and he turns, shield ready. His eyes dart around the gem tech in the room, and before any of them can enter, he steps to the doorframe and sends out a force flinging everyone back. 

The door to the command room shuts behind him. He stumbles, for a moment, seeing all four of them armed. His thoughts are racing, running in opposite directions.

“No, no… why would any of this have to happen?” He murmurs out loud without realizing, without caring, perhaps. ”You wanted this. No, I didn’t! I’m helping! No you’re not!”

The other gems stare in confusiion as his shield dissipates and he grabs onto his head. “No… no! I’m going to…!” His voice grows firm and he stands ready, once more. “I’m going to fix this.”

Placing his hand on one of the wall tiles, the ship’s defense mechanisms roar to life and quickly encase the thee other gems in see-through bubbles. Connie looks around. The ship couldn’t target her.

“Steven… please. We can talk about this.” 

Connie’s plea only worsens the heated mixture of guilt, anger and denial in his chest, and he commands the ship to bring forth Bismuth’s gemstone.

The other crystal gems manage to break free from their bubbles just as it falls into Steven’s hand. His face is cold, diamond eyes determined and focused.

The others don’t dare move while he has the gem in his hands. He weighs it. It’s heavy, large, reflecting the pink glow of the ship.

Without warning, a laugh, almost hysterical breaks through his throat and outside, and the others stand, unsure what to do. Garnet spreads her arms in front of them to stop them from moving. Her own movements are strained, tense.

He wipes over his face, stands up, and, the gem in hand, reaches out to throw it against the ship wall. 

Garnet hisses at the others  _ not to move _ .

The gem hits the ship wall hard, giving an audible crack that makes the other gems flinch and shiver, but stays in one piece as it falls to the ground.

Steven wordlessly reaches for it again, ignoring the sound of Garnet summoning her weaponry.

His hand wraps around it, when his form begins to glitch. “No, stop, you’re just going to make it worse! Not any worse than it already is! Yes, it will be! Stupid!”

His murmurs and hisses continue. “Don’t do this…! You got one nerve… More than you do! You’re just… UGH!” He lets out a yell, stumbles, holding his head with one hand, Bismuth with the other.

“FINE! You wanna die here? I’d rather die than be like you!”

His eyes flicker, from black to diamond, black to diamond, and suddenly - he falls apart.

Two thuds. A pink version of him catches his own fall, managing to stay standing, while the human half rolls over the floor, trembling.

The pink half sports the same appearance, only difference being the gemstone, the eyes and the pink hue of color. His human half has rings under his eyes, weak, sickly. 

“Steven!” The others call out, now stepping forth to his human half, standing over him protectively. 

Connie puts her hand on his shoulder. “No, not again… Steven… are you okay?”

His human half shakes, tries to get up, falls back down. “I… Connie… I’m… I’m sorry… ”

Pearl looks down in worry and horror. “Where’s Bismuth?” 

He gulps, then turns onto this side, curling around Bismuth protectively.

The pink version summons the rose shield, standing tall, though not taking his eyes off of his human counterpart.

“You’re going to die without me, you idiot.”

His human half manages to look up, staring back at him wordlessly, stubbornly.

Pink Steven lets out an annoyed groan. “You’re nothing without me! You’re just going to die here! You’re…! You’re weak! Useless! You’re just a COWARD!”

The yell echoes through the ship, shaking it.

He takes two shields and flings them at the others, watching them dodge before charging and pushing back Garnet and Pearl with one go, taking Connie by the wrist and swinging her across the room as well. 

Ameythst grabs hold of his arm with her whip, but he summons his bubble, sending the force of it back to her. She stumbles back, and in that moment, he throws her back to the other side of the room as well.

“Stop… stop…!”

“This isn’t just me, you...! This… don’t you remember how good it felt? To let go? To let everything just happen? To give in?!”

Pink Steven clenches his fists, now looming over his human half. 

“How long were we supposed to suffer, tell me? How long were we supposed to stand this?!”

“Why… didn’t you tell me you were hurt…” Human Steven tries to weakly reach out one hand.

“I DID! But you…” The pink half feels tears rolling over his eyes, suddenly letting out a sob. “...you never listen…!”

Pink Steven stands tall again with a new burst of anger. “YOU HATE ME! I know you do, just admit it. You just want me gone! You just want me to dissapear! I was… I was trying to help you! I’m bad at helping, FINE; but it’s better than doing NOTHING!”

The ship's walls glow briefly, absorbing part of the outcry.

“I…” His human half shakes with the effort of keeping his gaze fixated upwards. “I’ll do better, I… I promise...“

“This isn’t the first time you wanted to promise that.”

“I will, I…!”

“You never held your promises. Not to yourself, anyway.”

His pink version stares down, then, wiping a tear off of his face, places his hand onto Steven.

A soft glow emits, and Steven feels a fraction of his strength returning. When Pink Steven turns away, Connie rushes forth to Steven’s side. He manages to stand up, weakly, with her help. Before they can say anything, Pink Steven activates another ship mechanism.

Bubbles form around all of them, now specifically including Steven and Connie. They both reach out to eachother as they’re seperated, and then flow through the floor.

Five pink escape pods are ejected into earth’s atmosphere, beginning a quick, but planned descent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am AT LEAST as excited as yall to finally post this chapter aaaAAAAAAA


	15. Chapter 15

Steven gasps for air only for a thick, disgustingly salty-tasting liquid to fill his lungs. He falls onto the sand and coughs, hocking up a pink slime-like liquid that quickly sickers through the sand.

The pod sits cushioned in the sand behind him while he tries to get the pink slime off of his face and clothes. 

“Ergh…” He tries to stand up and then wavers, off-balance, falling backwards into the sand. 

He sits, coughs again. He looks back, suddenly, spotting Bismuth’s gemstone. He crawls over to it, determined. He places it onto the sand next to him carefully. His hand opens to bubble it to make sure nothing happens to it while the others emerge, but nothing happens. 

Realization clicks, and he shakes his head, focusing on standing up instead.

Mustering up the rest of his strength he tries to get back up and manages to stand on his own. He looks around, watching one of the other four pods cracking open like an egg, spilling out its contents.

Connie tumbles out, having much a similar reaction to the pink substance. Steven tries to run over to her, but stumbling over his own feet shortly before reaching her.

“Steven!” Connie gets up in one go, helping him back up. 

He coughs again, but less than before. “Thanks Connie, I- woah-” Connie has to catch him again as his balance throws off once more. 

“Are you okay?”

“I… think so, it’s just… not easy to keep balance…?”

“Does it.. have something to do with your gem...?”

“Hm. Maybe.”

Connie slowly lets go of him as he stands on his own, but after two or three steps to another escape pod he falls again. 

He waves his hand. “It’s fine, go help the others. My head is just… confused.”

“You sure?”

Steven nods to her, watching her go off. Another one cracks open, now shortly followed by the others. Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet break out of them, ridding of the liquid much quicker. 

Once Connie makes sure they’re alright, they come up near Steven. Pearl gets a towel out of her gem while amethyst decides to roll over the sand. Garnet doesn’t seem to bother much, walking over to Bismuth to carefully pick her up. Steven grumbles something as Pearl motherly helps him get some of the substance out of his hair.

“Oh stars, these pods are everything but human-adapted...”

Steven could sense that the worry in her tone had to do with more than just the liquid that was sticking to his skin stubbornly. Steven sits quiet while she takes care of him. She sighs. 

Pearl goes on. “Well, you’ll just have to change your clothes, I suppose.” Garnet flicks off a bit from her shoulder, then resummons her visor to drop whatever was on it. Amethyst’s gaze is warily focused on Steven.

Pearl helps him up. As he’s about to loose balance again, Connie helps by catching him along with Pearl.

Pearl grows more worried, but tries to hide it. “Ah… Connie, we should get Steven to the house.” She turns to Garnet. “You’ll be alright bringing Bismuth to the fountain with Amethyst, right?”

Garnet nods, taking Amethyst by the wrist and dragging her along. She doesn’t seem to mind much, oddly enough, but she looks back. Her eyes meet with Steven’s, and his gut twists painfully at her unsure look.   
  
  


A few days pass quietly, somberly. Steven does little other than sleep, watch tapes, play video games, eat, nap. He talks little, practically not at all. 

  
  
  


The house is quiet, but warm light spreads from the lamps inside. Outside, dusk falls, letting the stars into view.

Steven sits on the couch, staring into his food. Pearl and Garnet walk in, holding an intact Bismuth. They walk past with small smiles in his direction before dissapearing into the temple.

Connie sits at the other end of the couch, flicking through a book. She looks over to him with concern now and then.

Amethyst is nowhere in sight, presumably in the temple. Peridot and Lapis were off trying to explain things and keep order in LH. Another ship was to be sent after his other half soon.

Steven already told them of how he started loosing control, but… not much. And by far not everything. What’s the point? It’s bad enough as it is.

“Hey, Steven?”

He looks up and over to Connie. 

She’s stopped flicking through the book, sounding worried. “Everything okay? Not hungry anymore?”

He shakes his head. Connie gets up and puts the dishes away to be cleaned later. She sits back down, looking over. 

“Steven?”

“Mm?”

“Tell us if you start to feel… sick or anything, okay? Just in case.”

“Mhm.”

“You sure you don’t want to go to Rose’s fountain...?”

He nods, staring down at the table in front of him.

Silence stretches between them like miles of cold, empty space. 

Connie is the first to speak up again. “Your dad wants to hold that rockshow in a few days. We could go, if you want. Might lift your spirits?”

He shrugs, then, “Won’t you want to go to Homeworld on your mission?”

“Ah, I don’t know if the gems will let me, yet.”

His voice rises, finally. “Of course they’ll let you! You’re great at fighting.”

“Thanks, but I… well, I’m still just human, yknow?”

He sighs. “Yeah, but you’re actually useful.”

Connie’s smile falters, and she sits down closer to him. “I’m sure you still know how to fight, too?”

He shakes his head. “I always fought on instinct, intuition. Like…” He stops, taking his hands to gesture with. “There’s this rythmn, and all I have to do is decide how much I want to try, and how much damage I’m willing to risk, and I can fight. It felt like my own rythmn, but you remember yesterday. I’m useless now.”

“You can learn, yknow.”

“I’ll never be as good as you.”

“It’s not about being better or worse, it’s about trying! I mean, I’m like, almost three years ahead of you? And I do think you still know something. You’re just not used to swords. And, not being able to float, and needing to actually physically carry your weapon.”

He looks down again. “I… I don’t want to learn to do it differently, I…” He presses his eyes closed, tears flowing out surprisingly quickly. “I just want to be whole again…”

Connie places her hand on his shoulder as a sob sounds from him. “I want to be able to fuse again, without this I’ll… I’ll never be able to fuse again! I can’t protect them anymore, I...”

He continues to sob while Connie tries to be as supporting as she can be. “It’s okay, we still have the memory of fusing, you know? I still like you, you know.”

Steven wipes over his eyes with his hands. “Why? I’m… I’m not me anymore! This is the third time I’m crying todayyyy...!” His voice drags on through another sob and he places his head on the table in exasperation.

Connie keeps her hand on his shoulder, managing to reach for the tissues already positioned in the middle of the table, offering him one. He lifts his head a little.

“Th-thanks.” He gladly takes it, sitting back up.

Peridot comes in, running up and sitting down next to Steven. “Little Homeworld has been informed and accounted for! Lapis said we can send out a ship in two hours. What’re you up to?”

Steven sighs, but manages a tired, humoured smile. “Crying, mostly.”

Connie lets out a small laugh, and Peridot nods seriously as if he’d given her more intel on the situation as a whole.

Peridot heads off with a human-salute, making her way upstairs to the warp pad. Connie watches her leave, looks to Steven, and decides to wrap her arms around his arm.

Pearl and Garnet step out of the temple, placing Bismuth’s bubbled gem on the table.

They both give Steven another somewhat pitying and worried smile, before Pearl starts to explain. 

“Now, Rose’s fountain water seems to have worked well on her.”

Garnet nods. “We wanted her to reform with everyone else. Pearl.”

“Hm?”

“Go get Amethyst out of her room.”

Pearl heads off while Garnet sits down, looking over to Connie and Steven. 

“Doing well?”

Steven shrugs. “What’s the future look like, Garnet?”

She shifts her visor with her hand. “Complex.”

Connie untangles herself from Steven after another moment of staying close. Pearl comes out of the temple, and she and Amethyst both sit down as well.

Steven instinctively wants to reach forth and pop the bubble, but remembers right before moving that he can’t. It sets another bit of hopelessness into him.

Garnet reaches forth and pops the bubble.

Bismuth begins to reform, her form shaky only for a moment before stabilizing. She lands ungracefully on the wood floor, rubbing over her arm. “Darn reformin keeps tossin me to the…” 

She trails off, looking to the others. “Oh, hey.” She spots Steven, and squints unsurely. “Oh. Hey.”

Steven sighs. He stands up, lifts his shirt where his gem would be to reveal that there’s nothing there.

“Wait. What.”

“I… don’t have my gem anymore. My gem half is somewhere out there, on that ship, prooobably heading to Homeworld as we speak.”

Pearl nods. “We’ve already begun organizing a group to go after. They’ll leave in a few hours I believe.” She breaths out, and smiles at Bismuth. “It’s good to have you back unharmed. We were really worried about you.”

Steven sits down, and they begin to fill her in on what happened after she was poofed.    
  


Bismuth looks at him in disbelief. “But Steven, then why did you…?”

“I- I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. I was- afraid? Everyone was staring, I… I felt like I was gonna lose my mind any second.”

Bismuth sighs, regret and worry on her features. “Why didn’t you talk to us? About losin control?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Connie puts her hand on his shoulder again as the room quietens. The other gems wear worried face expressions. 

Garnet speaks into the silence, softly. “When I told you to see within yourself, I was certain the most likely outcome was what I described…”

Steven lifts his hands to calm her down. “Nono, it’s fine. You couldn’t have known.”

“I shouldn’t have been so confident in that case.”

“You were just trying to help! It’s fine.”

Garnet sighs. “I’m fine, that’s for sure. Are you?”

Steven doesn’t answer. He wraps his arms around himself, one hand where his gem used to be. “I… don’t know.”

Bismuth stands up. “Well, I’m heading with the gem group to-” 

Garnet cuts her off. “No.”

“Why not?”

Garnet fixes her visor. “Last time you met him, he tried to shatter you.”

Steven flinches at the words, and Connie gives him a worried look.

“Tch, well, I was poofed while I was unprepared! I’ve fought this side of him before.”

Pearl carefully pitches in. “Not in his raw form.”

Bismuth groans, but sits back down. “You’re right… I just, hate not being able to do anything.”

“Well, Lapis and Peridot already agreed to go with, as well as plenty of gems from Little Homeworld.” Pearl’s voice grows a bit more optimistic. “If any of us have to go to fill in, we will as well.”

Garnet nods. “They seem to be fully set for now.”

Connie takes the chance to speak up. “But, Bismuth, maybe you can help us train? I was thinking Steven could use some fighting training now.”

“Training, huh… Well, since you gotta fight with metal now, I  _ will _ be able to make exactly what you need.”

Steven looks about, unsure. “What about the gems leaving to go after? What if something happens to them?”

Connie gives him a smile. “Well, we just have to hope nothing does.”

Pearl nods. “They’ll be fine. The gems going with are trained fighters. You have to stay here, and stay safe.”

\-----

  
  


Steven is there with the others, when they wave a green, repaired ship goodbye. It blinks, and then zips into the sky in a white flash.


	16. Chapter 16

A warm evening breeze flows over the hill, peacefully. Lion lays nearby, but even the large cat has been behaving as if Steven doesn’t exist anymore. He has his guitar and ukulele with him. One of them he still has to remember how to play, right?

Despite trying now for the first time, he’s had a bad feeling about a lot of his abilities lately. He takes the guitar first, and it fits against his body well. Familiar. 

He strums one note, another. Tries a chord, but cringes at it’s wrongness. His fingers know where they should theoretically go, but the more thought he places into it, the worse it gets. He lets out a frustrated groan and gets the guitar off of him, placing it at the side. He stares out into the ocean, arms crosed, legs pulled close.

Humming sounds behind him. He doesn’t look up when Greg sits down next to him, having his own guitar. 

“Hey, Schtuball.” 

Steven doesn’t respond, and his dad sighs. “Has it been difficult? You haven’t talked much.”

Steven shrugs. Greg starts to strum a few notes, a melody vaguely familiar to Steven. He used to be able to hear a song and replicate it, but now he can barely remember the notes as they come along. 

He remembers being younger, 9 perhaps, when he realized that ability wasn’t considered entirely normal. He found out that when he could replicate Jamie’s made up song, while simultaniously fixing a note or two. Everybody thought Jamie copied the song until Steven assured them otherwise. 

Nor is it typical or ‘easy’ to learn three or four instruments as a side-hobby. Sure, some people do it. But not everyone, and not without many, many hours of work. Not without tutors, or at least books.

“If you don’t wanna talk, maybe I can play something you like? Or teach you one of the songs. Notes aren’t that hard to learn, especially if you’ve played them before?”

“How did you know I couldn’t play?”

“Weeell, you did an off-chord or two and then threw your guitar to the side.”

“Oh. Right.” He saw that. Was he walking slowly, or did he stop and look?

Silence fell between them for a moment. Greg sighs. “Hey, it’s okay. I know music’s important to you, you’ll learn it again in time. Besides, there’s more to you than playing the guitar.”

When Steven doesn’t respond, he keeps talking. “It doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy music, even if it’s not as easy to play anymore.”

Steven keeps his arms wrapped around himself. One hand moves to where his gem was. Where his gem  _ should _ be. 

They sit in silence for a few more minutes, while Greg tries out a melody or two. 

At one point, Steven stands up. He picks his guitar and ukulele back up and turns to leave. Greg looks after him, but as he feels he may not be in the right to pressure, he silently lets him go.

\---

  
  
  


Steven lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. No more of the raging fire or anger. Just a deep, craving emptiness. The feeling that he’s helpless, useless, nagging at him. Ripping off piece after piece of who he is, leaving him feeling broken. Halved. Incomplete.

All he does during his days is puzzle, talk to some gems. Watch the others help, unable to help himself. He almost dropped a bag of powdered metal onto his own feet when trying to lift it, constantly forgetting that he’s of no use for that now.

Neither has he been able to watch the pulsating of Homeworld. He can’t even tell what star it is anymore.

He’s not a diamond anymore. Not a leader anymore. All he feels he does is board games, walking about, eating, sleeping, watching the others be useful. He feels like someone zapped him to the past. 

Except in this past, he has no potential. No future. In this version of the past, he never needed to become anyone people knew. He would always stay a faceless nobody within the shadow of gemkind.

What terrifies him more even than being helpless and forgotten is the thought that now, he is but the blink of an eye. He will live, die, only having been a brief thought to the minds of the ageless gems he knows as his family.

He’s just human. And it bothers him. 

He never thought of himself as entirely human. He always knew he was a gem, even when it was unclear if he would ever gain his powers. He always felt more gem than human, oddly. Sure, it was strange to find out that he was - is - a diamond, not a rose quartz, but…

But that was nothing compared to what he feels now.

Now, it feels his entire existance is… pointless.

Does Connie feel like this, knowing she’s just human? She never seemed to. If she can deal with it, then why can’t he? He could learn to fight, to use a metal shield. It still feels pointless, compared to the scale of years that he’s always thought to be in his future.

Why does that matter so much to him? Is it just difficult to get used to? It just feels… wrong. It feels wrong. This isn’t him. He’s always been a gem. He’s never had to think about death.

Tears inevitably begin to gather in his eyes, the hollow feeling in his chest pushing upwards. He wants to be himself again, no matter what, and he hates it.

If his pink half reaches out, and tells him they can go back to being Steven if they conquer the galaxy together, would he go with him? 

Would he refuse because he knows it’s wrong, or because he would be scared?

Would he refuse at all?

  
  


\----

  
  


Bismuth hands Steven a thin, light metal shield. It’s shaped like a traditional human shield, though it’s pink, with a yellow star on the front. One spike of the star points upwards out of the shield, adding to the shape.

Once he takes it, it pulls him down a little and he has to take a step before he stablizes. Bismuth chuckles, crossing her arms, watching him lift it again. 

“Don’t worry, it’s made for human strength, but any weapon needs muscle to wield it.”

It’s too heavy for only one hand, but when he stems it against the ground, the handle allows him to hold it the same way he used to hold his old shield.

“This might… take a long time to get used to.”

“Psh, don’t worry, what’s a few years or so?”

“A lot of time…” He murmurs to himself, lifting the shield again with both hands.

Pearl summons a holographic version of herself armed with a training sword. It stands still while Pearl fixes Steven’s stance and tells him more on how to hold the shield.

Connie and Bismuth sit on the stadium of the sky arena to watch.

Pearl takes a step back, and the holopearl’s eyes turn red.

“Engaging level 0!”

The strikes are always the same, but Steven’s rythmn is off here and there. Five strikes in, he stumbles a little. Still standing, he sees the blue sword about to hit him.

Frozen with fear, unable to lift his shield on time, he flinches, but the sword goes through him without leaving a mark.

“Opponenet defeated! Level 0 failed!”

It deactivates, and Steven stands, panting, stemming the shield into the ground. He’s never been scared of this before. Never been scared of combat, especially since he has a shield of his own. But fear paralyzes him like poison, and he shakily puts down the heavy shield with a clatter.

Connie has stood up and now stands beside him. As he breathes to recover from the shock, he unexpectantly turns to Connie and hugs her.

She hugs him back, trying to calm him. “It’s okay, Steven. The holopearls can’t hurt you.”

“I’m-” His voice cuts off in a sob. “I’m such a mess, Connie!”

“Steven, it’s okay! You have to get used to it, you’re right. It’ll take time. We should’ve started with just the shield movements first. If you can barely move it, then it’s too soon for this.”

“I-I’m…” He pulls back, rubbing over his eyes. “I’m a coward, dammit. He was right.”

“No, no… it’s okay. It’s okay to be scared, especially if you’re starting out! I was terrified, too.”

“No, you don’t… you don’t get it…”

“Then tell me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t… I don’t think I can fight anymore. I mean… at all.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s terrifying! I never… I never wanted to fight to begin with. I don’t want to have to fight anyone.”

Pearl and Bismuth stand closeby, watching them talk. Bismuth sighs. 

“I know. You don’t like to fight, but this isn’t about hurting anyone. This is about protecting yourself.”

His patience quickly begins to drop, turning to annoyance. “Against what? Homeworld gems that could obliterate me if they wanted to either way? What would they want with me now? I’m Steven the useless human. Steven the pink diamond is on Homeworld!”

Silence coats the sky arena as the others watch him with worry. His temper only seems worse in the quiet.

“And you keep saying it’ll be fine, but at the same time you treat me like I’m 8 again! Which one is it?!”

Steven finally breathes out, the anger starting to fade. “I… I’m sorry. I just...” He sighs.

It’s pointless. His shoulders slump. Connie picks up the shield carefully, able to lift it with one hand. “It’s okay. I mean, you just went through, well… “ She and the others exchange glances. “It’s really difficult, and we’ve all just been pretending you’ll jump up and keep going like nothing happened, but… you can’t. It’s okay.”

She looks at him, face shifting to more serious when she can see tears in his eyes again. “I really hope you’re staying hydrated.”

She lets him move to hug her as he tries to hold back yet another wave of tears. “Th-thanks,” he hics, “you’re the best, Connie.”


	17. Chapter 17

Steven walks through Beach City. The sun brutally shines down as usual in the midst of summer, and he begins to regret wearing his jacket a little. A t-shit would have been more than enough.

A commotion draws him near the park, people standing in bunches. Someone is talking over a speaker. As he approaches, he sees a group of people clearly not out of beach city, brightly clothed humans with cameras and phones and headphones. Tourists, probably.

He sees Pearl standing near the speaker, also a man he doesn’t recognize. She seems nervous, trying to uphold a smile while carefully attempting to slip away from them. Steven watches the crowd. He wants to interviene, but… something holds him back.

Garnet steps out from a street, walking calmly right through the crowd, picking Pearl up and carrying her away. Camera clicks and flashes follow them both as they dissapear, but the tourists don’t chase after them and stay near their guide despite their curiosity.

He sits down on one park bench. Tourists don’t come here often, and after looking at them more closely, they’re probably from the city.

A couple approaches him. He wonders for a moment whether his gem shows without him noticing, until he remembers he doesn’t have it anymore.

He looks at them quizzically, and they talk quietly with eachother while giving him a strange look before turning back and heading to the group again. Weird. He looks over himself, but there’s nothing wrong with him he can see. Are his eyes pink…? It’s unlikely, but…

He stands up and walks over to the fountian, trying to keep his gaze low. He looks into the water, squinting. His eyes are normal. 

He straightens himself out, sitting on the fountain ring, now much closer to the group. A few more odd looks fall on him. Have they heard of him somehow, despite the gems making sure their motives, history and identities be kept concealed?

An older woman finally walks up to him, and he looks at her. She tsks, shakes her head. What on…?

“Boys these days are left so orientationless. Don’t even know how to behave anymore.”

Of all the things he was expecting, this was not it. “E-excuse me?” Was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

“Did your parents never teach you what to wear? Are you colorblind?”

What on earth is she talking abou-

His jacket. It finally clicks. The bright pink jacket.

He’s caught so offguard he doesn’t even know how to respond. “I…”

The lady goes off into the crowd again, leaving Steven with a tumult of feelings. Despite himself, he can feel his face grow uncomfortably hot. Shame tugs in his chest, and after a moment he energetically gets up, away from the tourist group, into the calmer parts of Beach City.

His fast walk leaves him panting somewhat. His face hasn’t gotten any better, and neither has the uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

These things never bothered him before. But before, he knew who he was. Now he doesn’t. 

Why does he wear it anymore? He’s used to it. It’s what he always wore. Why would he pick anything different?

Though, that’s a habit from before. He never felt the need to change his clothes, even own any casual clothes that aren’t what he always, always wears. Is it a gem thing? It feels like it. 

No wonder. Gems don’t change their forms except for special occasions. He’s been getting a bit tired of the thirty same t-shirts, since he lost his gem, but he never thought them… out of place. Especially not his jacket, of all things.

If anything, he doesn’t feel much worthy of the star anymore.

He shakes his head, but the anxious, nervous and even still a little ashamed feelings, feelings typically so foreign to him, stay. 

Well. He can get something different. Maybe it’ll be better, and everyone will be happy. Who knows who else thinks that way? He thought of the couple at the start, and his stomach churns.

\-----

  
  


“Alright, that’s it. I can’t look at this anymore.” 

Amethyst stands in the doorframe of his room, arms crossed. Steven mumbles something. He has rings under his eyes, staring into the console screen, determinedly holding the controller.

Amethyst walks over to him and grabs his wrist. 

“Hey-! Amethyst, I spent the past hour training for this level!”

“You can play games when _ ever _ ! Come on, this is boring. You gotta get outside.”

Tossing the controller onto his bed, he buries his face in his pillow. “It’s the middle of the night…”

“So? Beach city looks great at night.”

“Mrmrh….”

“Ugh. Come on, you lazy bag.” She grabs his arm again and drags him out of bed.

“Fine, fine!” He gets his wrist out of her grasp. “Give me, like, five minutes.”

“Deal.”

Steven shuts off the console. He changes from his pyjamas into a black t-shirt with a white cat silhouette, blue jeans. He stares at his flipflops, and then goes for a pair of inconspicuous sneakers.

It’s probably warm enough as is even at this hour, but he takes a black jacket with him just in case, draping it over his shoulders. With his phone and earplugs stuffed into his jean-pockets, he heads to the doorframe. Amethyst waits behind the corner.

She looks his attire up and down, but doesn’t comment on it. “Took you long enough.”

He pushes the thought that he might be wearing something wrong out of his head. It’s just Amethyst, anyway. If it were really bad she’d tell him. At least, that’s what he hopes.

They both head outside. Judging by the lights from the distance, LH is in full action and bloom while Beach City lays quiet, asleep behind the cliffside. Despite gems not needing to sleep, LH knows to keep quieter during the night to make sure they don’t disturb the human settlement.

Amethyst leads him through Beach City. The night air is pleasant compared to the daytime heat, but he’s glad he brought the jacket after all. They walk through the empty, dark streets. The street lanterns and the moon give it something pretty, though.

They arrive at the empty hall formerly used for wresteling. Uncorrupted and Homeworld gems opened their own wresteling equivalent here until LH had the infrastructure for them to move their hobbies there.

“So what exactly are we doing, anyway?”

Amethyst shushes him and continues on. He follows her, looking around curiously. Behind the large empty building, a group of humans waits for them. 

Jenny wears light summer clothing, her hair styled upwards probably to avoid sweat on her neck. Buck still holds onto his typical red collar jacket, long jeans and the sunglasses despite the dark and warmth. Sour cream is dressed more casually in a shirt and shorts, sporting light colors.

Unlike Buck, both Sour Cream and Jenny have changed their styles up over the past two years. Sour Cream’s laid back nature made his clothing a bit more exotic and carefree than even before, and next to his faded bright shorts and shirt he wears neon green-and-yellow shoes. Jenny’s clothes have grown looser. She wears a loose dark blue blouse and shorts, treading the fine line between rebellious and cleanly, but she sets a clear note with a thin, black leather jacket over her shoulders.

Amethyst leads Steven to them, and they look up as they approach, greeting him. Steven gives a slightly confused and somewhat nervous hi. 

Buck looks at him with a questioning look. “Steven, you look like someone seriously messed with your flow. Where’s your old jacket?”

Steven rubbed the back of his neck, nervous. “Oh! Eh, I kindof… thought I’d try something else. It’s fine.”

Jenny smiles. “We can tell! I mean, Amethyst keeps tellin us it’s normal cause of the gem stuff and all, but you gotta try on other clothes sometimes, right? Anyway,” she makes a hand gesture, “Amethyst here told us you’ve been having a rough time, so we thought you could use some fun.”

“Fun? Like what?”

Amethyst punches him in the arm in agreement. “Yeah! There’s tons of things we can do, even if you’re squishy now!”

He gives her an unsure smile while he rubs his arm. It was probably lighter than usual, but he still feels it.

Sour Cream goes on as the other two expectantly wait for him to explain. This is his part. “Okay, so we had this brilliant idea. I know your dad does rockshows all the time and they’re super cool! But like, we thought maybe a really big music show would be something else.”

“A big music show?”

“Yeah! Like, hundreds of people. I dunno what music you listen to now, but there’s like three bands performing there tonight.”

Jenny agrees, glancing off into the distance a moment. “You’re bound to hear something you like, trust us.”

“Uhh, Amethyst, have you told Pearl about this? Or Garnet?”

“Pshh, nahh. That’s boring, and you’ve been allll about boring lately. We can do something fun for once! And look.” She points off into the distance. “Our ride is here.”

Buck watches the large car approach as well. “You gotta mingle with your people, Steven.”

“My… people?”

“Your type of person, yknow. Teens your age, groups that you like.”

“I’ve always had, well, the gems…”

Jenny hums as the car pulls up, waving it over. “Yeah, but there’s not harm in having connections both ways right?”

Steven turns to the purple gem. “Amethyst…!”

“Hm?”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go and tell-”

“Urgh! Yeah, I’m sure. They won’t panic if you’re gone for a few hours, you can do whatever you want! C’mon. Besides, I’m here to protect you.”

“Right…”

Despite his chest telling him different, the car pulls up and the door slides open. He doesn’t know the young man at the front driving, and the transporter-like car has eight seats at the back, with one at the front.

The front seat is taken by a girl he doesn’t know, and in the back two teenage guys and a teenage girl are already there. Amethyst pulls him inside, and he watches the door slide closed. 

Too late to go back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Soon.


	18. Chapter 18

On the way there, Sour Cream and Jenny excitedly talk about the show. Three different bands performing: metal, alternative rock and modern rock-hybrid. He hasn’t heard of the latter, but they seem pretty ecstatic to see them.

The show is being held in a relatively new building in a neighbouring town, only a 20 minute drive from Beach City. The whole thing has a large open-air area, capable of hosting larger events like bands performing. During the winter, the building only doubles as a club or hosting smaller events only.

They keep talking about the music while Amethyst sits back, relaxed. Steven breathes out stressfully. He wishes he had her calm state of mind right now.

Outside, the landscape passes by, going from familiar to vaguely recognizable to unknown, like his home slowly slipping out of his grasp.

  
  
  
  


The lights can be seen from a distance. A massive amount of people, almost too much even for the new build are present. They clog the entryway, standing in small or large groups. Slowly, they trickle inside past a tall, well-dressed man checking ages.

“Uhh, Amethyst-”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got you covered.”

Steven isn’t sure whether to be concerned or glad. Probably concerned.

They approach, the entire group. The guy looks them up and down, his glance landing on Steven. He does his best to look back without wavering despite the nervousness thumping in his chest. 

Amethyst makes her way past them. “Sorry, sorry, had to go catch up with someone.” She places a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “He’s with me.”

“You’re…?”

Amethyst gives an annoyed sigh. “The drummer, obviously? From the Sear Smokes? Or do you see anybody else around here who’s purple and has a gem embedded in their chest?”

He sighs. He doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest. 

Amethyst continues. “Relax, he’s 16, and to my knowledge, you got plenty of those here.”

The man grudgingly shrugs and lets them through after seeing Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck’s passes.

Inside, the large amount of people spread much more evenly than outside, giving everyone more room to breathe. Steven looks about the dozens of people he’s never seen before while making sure not to loose Amethyst. A looped playlist of remixes sounds in the background, and it’s... not too bad.

They find themselves a relatively free corner, setteling down. The tight group of three quickly leave Steven and Amethyst alone in their new claimed place to get themselves something to drink. 

Steven tries not to look unsure or nervous, but he can feel the eyes of people passing by him. Amethyst stays near for now, and he’s endlessly grateful for that.

“I’m… still not sure this is a good idea.”

“Relax. Mix and mingle. It’s not that hard.”

“For you maybe…”

“Tch.” She makes a throwaway hand gesture. The background music is turned a bit louder. Some people at the front start to dance a bit, but the general atmosphere is still chaotic. Expectant. Impatient.

The three come back just in time. More people start filling into the area, clustering around.

Buck holds his plastic cup near Steven, who nervously raises his hand to deny. “Not my thing, you know me.”

Buck shrugs. “More for me.”

The sound in the background rises, loud enough now to humm in Steven’s chest. Amethyst cheers loudly.

When a speaker starts talking at the front, she turns to Steven. “Oh, and for the third band I gotta actually go help em. But if its really bad and you dont know what to do, you can come with backstage.”

Steven sighs with relief. “Thanks, Amethyst.”

Soon enough, the other three mingle with a larger group of similar age, generally compsed of people in their 20’s. Steven doesn’t know much what to do. They talk, drink. One or two come up to him to ask him something, but conversation falls flat quickly. 

Amethyst moves up next to him. “Ergh, they always do this. Boring, right?”

“I guess.”

“You guess? Tch. Look at em.” She waves to the group. 

Steven isn’t sure how he feels talking about them while standing so close.

“But luckily, there’s better places to hang. This place far away from the stage is boring, anyway. It’s for all these, old people.”

Steven doesn’t answer, but Amethyst shrugs and heads closer to the stage. Steven glances back and forth between the group and her and then quickly follows after.

They make their way past people, past groups, tables. Some of them are drunk, and it isn’t something he’s used to.

While up at the front, Amethyst goes straight for a group of three teenage humans that Steven has never seen before. They look up and greet her openly, one of them high-fiving her.

They consist of a girl wearing typical, black, tight clothing with her hair down; A guy with white, fluffed up hair probably via chemicals and oddly gray-and-white clothes; And a guy in black jeans, an oversized leather jacket and a noticeable, silver necklace with a sword-symbol at the end.

They look over to Amethyst, who places an arm around Steven’s shoulders while introducing him. “This is Steven. Steven, meet my folks from Coast Town.”

Steven gives a nervous smile. The three look over him, and he feels their gazes. They greet him-

Maya with black leggings and a short-cut top grins, leaning on their small table. “Fresh-meat, ey? I’m Maya. Amethyst talks like, bunches about you.”

The other two agree passively. Amethyst is about to say something again before someone waving near the stage catches her attention. “Hold on a minute, I’ll be right back.”

She leaves through the crowd, leaving Steven alone with people he’s never met before. He was  _ not _ prepared for this when Amethyst came bursting into his room demanding he shut his console off, get dressed and get out.

The three seem calm around him, but not intensily interested. The two guys continue talking of what they were talking about before while Maya listens. Steven looks around for something, anything that would tell him what to do. Nervousness began to clump in his chest. He’s not special. He doesn’t stand out at all. Just another face, irrelevant to how thing turn out…

His eyes spot someone at the side. A girl, cleaning her glasses, eyes reddened. She stands alone a bit at the side. Maya notices his glance. “That’s Ava. She’s kinda with us sometimes, but not too close. Wanted to be left alone tonight. But looks like that guy she dragged in with her ditched her pretty quick.”

Steven looks over to her to see if she goes to help her or not, and she must have noticed his look. She shrugs. “You can go talk to her if you want, she probably saw Amethyst bring you to us.”

He feels a bit embaressed. He shouldn’t have to be told exactly what he can do and what he can’t, he should know for himself. He walks through the crowd. This, at least, is something he can perhaps help with, perhaps shine in.

Approaching her carefully, he tries to give her a smile. “Hey… sorry to bother, but… you’re one of Amethyst’s friends, right?”

She looks him up and down, clearly in a bad mood. “Yeah…? Wait, are you like, her brother?”

“Ah, yeah, we tend to say that. We’re like, adopted siblings? I’m Steven.”

He wonders whether to extend his hand or not, but her look and her stance made him think otherwise. He leans against the wall next to her, keeping a respectable distance ordinary for people who don’t know eachother.

“Maya, I think was her name, said you were having a bad time?”

She doesn’t answer, so he keeps talking. “Yeah, maybe I’m not the best for this, I don’t really go to places like these. Amethyst kindof dragged me along, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing here, really.” He lets out a small laugh, trying to push past the awkwardness. “But you looked like you needed someone to talk to, so... I thought I’d offer.”

She sniffs, finally putting her glasses back on her nose. “Fine. You can come with me, outside, cause I won’t go alone in this kind of place, at this hour.”

Steven shrugs. “Sure, if it helps.” 

He’s not sure how much help he would be, but he goes along anyway. For someone who claims that she wouldn’t go outside on her own, her movements are confident. She has a determined swing in her step despite looking like she just bawled her eyes out.

Steven notes her untypically short hair, dyed a dark pink color. Maybe that’s why he noticed her so easily. She doesn’t have any make-up he can significantly notice, maybe a bit. She wears simple, gray jeans, rolled up at the bottom, black sneakers and a contrasting bright top. The top is a pastel yellow with a black wolf motif.

They arrive outside, and she seems to know exactly where she’s going. She finds a specific spot that Steven can’t say he sees anything special in. She leans against the wall, breathes out, looking in front of herself into the dark, quiet town visible from here.

He leans back next to her, eyes trying to catch her face expression to see how she is. Their eyes meet occasionally. 

“Amethyst says you’re like, a good kind of wimp.”

He blinks. “What?”

“You know. Too nice, too helpful, but in a good way.”

He isn’t sure how to feel about that. He doesn’t like it, but she goes on.

She shrugs. “I mean, you’re not even protesting that.”

“I’m- I’m trying to be understanding, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“Why is that a problem?”

“I mean, that must get boring right? What do you do that for?”

“To.. help others.”

“Gets you nothing, in my experience anyway. You’re the typical case. Gets dragged here, doesn’t know what he’s doing, trying his best, fails horribly at the end. But that’s not who you gotta be.”

“Then… who do you think… people should be?”

Despite his attempt to generalize, she pulls it back onto him. “You don’t go here to help others and listen to their sob stories, you go here to to have fun.”

“But I-”

“I know, I know. You’re such a goody-two-shoes that you looove helping people. We get it. But that’s not gonna get you what you want.”

“That’s not neccessarily the point.”

“But shouldn’t it be the point?”

Should it? No, the point was always… to be good. To be helpful, useful. To fulfill his… purpose. Gem… purpose. 

This sounds ridiculous. There shouldn’t have to be a reason to be decent to others.

“The point is to be decent to other people.”

“Psh, you’re not being decent to other people. You’re just being a pushover.”

“I… I’m just trying to help.”

She shrugs, and doesn’t say anything further. His thoughts leap over one another, but a stubborn grip onto what he knows is holding them together. He doesn’t need a reason. People deserve to be helped.

She sighs, a dragged out, annoyed sound. She heads back inside, and Steven wonders whether to follow her or not. When he takes a few steps, she stops, and turns back. The look on her face makes him pause.

She leaves on her own and he stays outside, breathing in the cool summer night air. He feels… smaller than usual. Did he help her? Did he make it worse? Somehow, she wouldn’t let him through. Not everybody does, of course, but he still feels he could have been less focused on himself.

Was he too impatient? He feels he lost a lot of his patience with his gem half. Or is that just his own thoughts getting to him? How could he tell?

He breathes out, glancing up to the sky. Two, maybe three tiny stars are visible over the lights. The rest of the sky is dark.

Vibrant music, laughter and lights stream from the building behind him. He feels better, out here. Where it’s quieter. Where he feels he has a little bit of time to… mourn.

The moment he realizes that that’s what he’s been avoiding doing all this time feels heavy. Like the sheer weight of knowing that there’s no telling when he will be complete has chained him to the ground in a single spot. Unable to move, unable to help himself or anyone, unable to run away or hide or change. Stuck. How is he supposed to live like this? Who is he supposed to be now?

There is no answer, and that’s what he feels is killing him the most.

He starts to walk around the building, slowly, as if to remind himself that he can still move. At least physically. He needs distance. Away from this noise, from this place. From all these people who know the answer but won’t share it with him.

Amethyst is probably still busy with the show. She doesn’t need him. Maybe before, she could have, but not now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOON. :)


	19. Chapter 19

Walking along the building he can see a few people outside, smoking or talking. A couple is making out further away. He moves away from these people, those that know who they are. He doesn’t feel like them. He doesn’t feel human. He doesn’t feel gem, or half-gem, or half-human, or like anything or anyone.

He goes down a street, and behind two corners, there’s nothing but dark silence waiting for him. Not a single soul is about.

Far in the distance he can still hear the commotion, faint, a vanishing feeling. Otherwise, there’s nothing but him, and the dark. Shadows that lay still on cold concrete. Maybe they’re watching. Maybe they don’t care.

He’s near a small store, a light still flickering inside. The eerie quiet seems surreal to him, now. He doesn’t have a good feeling about all this anymore.

He starts to walk along the sidewalk, stepping down quietly.

Noise. Sound. Somebody, people, talking. He doesn’t like their tone. He stops, wondering if he should turn around and go back, but he’s torn out of his thoughts.

“Get OFF!” 

A yell pierces the night. His head snaps to look in the direction it came from while his heart races, they must be just around the corner. It was the voice of a young boy. Two or three other voices mix with his. 

His voice is panicked, and Steven starts to move closer on instinct. Trying to be quiet enough that they don’t hear him while hurrying, the voices grow clearer.

A male, adult or late teen. Contrast to the young boy, his voice is humoured and mocking. “Look at em! Kara, seriously, he might _actually_ call his mom!”

The other two voices laugh. One female, one male. Steven is behind the corner, listening. Maybe he panicked too much, maybe it’ll be fine without him…

The young voice again. “Let me go! I just wanted to go home.”

Laughter again. The female voice. “Hey, cmon. We’ll give you ice cream after this! Promise.”

“N-no, I don’t wanna.”

The third male voice. He sounds annoyed, calm. “Just feed it to him already.”

“Tch, that’s no fun. Cmon… we’ll let you go after this.”

“But...”

Her voice sounds sickingly cheerful. “You’ll be fine! It’s just a bit bitter. We’ll give you some chocolate, too!”

The young boy’s voice sounds almost hopeful. “And then you’ll go?”

“Sure.”

“I-I don’t know…”

Steven’s heart continues to race, and he suddenly gets an idea. Moving to the other side of the street while still out of their view quickly, he crouches down behind a car to peer out and see what’s going on.

Three young adults stand around a boy. It’s hard to tell how old he is, but below 10, no younger than 6. The taller one of the guys is holding him tight by the arm while the woman is crouched down near him. She has a whiskey bottle in hand. What on earth are they doing? 

He can’t hear them clearly, but from what he can see, they’re trying to get him to drink it. Steven takes a short, deep breath, stands up. He has to do something. He can’t just watch, even if he’s terrified.

He’s terrified, to the point that it feels the spectrum swung back around and made him barely confident enough again. But this can’t go like training, like the scene on the ship. He can change this. If he can push past this fear, he can act like his old self always would. This is who he is. This is who he has to be.

“Hey! What are you doing?” He forces his voice to be loud, louder. This way maybe someone else will hear too.

They turn to him, and his heart hammers against his chest while he approaches them, crossing the road. The woman stands up.

She shoves her hands in her pockets and shrugs. “None of your business, pal.”

Coincidence or not, the way she acts painfully reminds him of… No. He can’t think about that now.

“Let him go.” Steven gestures to the young boy. “He hasn’t hurt you.”

The taller guy groans. He shoves the arm of the young boy to the smaller one. “Hold him.”

The boy lets them surprisingly easily, and while the quieter guy tries to get a non-awkward angle of holding onto him, he suddenly rips free.

“No! GET HIM YOU MORON!” 

The one who let him escape runs after, but the young boy runs for his life, faster than they expected.

He comes back. The other two both groan at him, and the woman crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Fucking hell. What are you even good for.”

Steven takes one step back, but before he can decide which way to run to, the taller guy dashes towards him.

Unable to get the speed he needs, the guy manages to grab his arm and pull him back sharply enough that he stumbles and falls to the ground. When he gets up, he’s surrounded.

No, no, no… His only hope would be Amethyst. And who knows how far she is. This can’t be it.

He stands, wearily. “I- It’s not my fault he could run, I...”

The same one that pushed him down tries to grab him again. He dodges quickly enough, some distant muscle instinct of his training remaining, and tries to push past the woman and run.

The hand of the smaller one grabs him. “Hah! Little fucking idiot! Think you’re a hero…!” 

As if to make up for letting go of the kid, he pulls Steven closer to him and decks him in the face. His face numbs, followed by a dull, pulsing ache. 

“No…! Let me go, please, you don’t have to do this-”

Only fired up by Steven’s objections, he can feel a force hit him again, throwing off his balance as he once more falls to the ground. No…! Amethyst, if only she were here, if only she could…!

But she’s not here, and no matter how many times he tries to fight back, or cries out for help, hot liquid starts to run down his face and lip, laughter filling his ears and his head and he feels he needs to puke but he can’t while the whole world spins and spins as fear is kicking in his chest and- and, is this it? Is this really it, after everything?

His mind, panicked, seems to return to it’s state when the rejuvenator first hit, when he was sure he’d die. Die, right here, right now. It’s like he can taste the grass despite laying, curled up, on cold concrete. Maybe that’s just his own blood. Metallic, bitter, familiar to the taste. 

At least, it’s not the same pain as before. Not as painful as those nightmarish few days of prepetual, unyielding, dying, helpless, endless pain.

At least, this won’t last as long. It will be quicker.

Nobody came. Nobody hears. Nobody cares.

His desperate, panicked grip on reality loosens, and slips off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Note here this scene is inspired by an occurance I actually heard happening in my region: Certain adults/young adults making children between the ages of 5-12 down lethal amounts of alcohol for money or for sweets or toys. The children typically died of the overdose in a few hours. Essentially they were getting away with murder, though this method dissapeared as quickly as it rose.))


	20. Chapter 20

His ears ring. Someone is talking, maybe. He can’t tell.

The ringing is loud, and he can think only of how much his ears ring, and his head hurts, and why is somebody shouting? Maybe they can hear the ringing too.

His mind stutters, then, and like the click of a switch, he knows what happened.

His eyes fly open, and he can see the sky. It’s dawn. Sunrise.

Groaning, he tries to move.

“Steven!” Amethyst’s voice makes him stop, and he turns his head just enough to see her face.

“Oh my god do you have any idea how worried I was?! Steven…? Are you oka- Well, hah, no, you’re obviously not… but you’re alive, right? Right?! Steven?!”

“‘m fine…” His throat feels awful. Like it’s been ripped to shreds, but still somehow works.

Amethyst lets out a long sigh, then laughs, tears standing in her eyes. “You- oh god.” She looks down, relieved. “Garnet and Pearl are going to kill me.”

Steven watches her kneel down and get her hands underneath him to pick him up. He flinches when her hand brushes a wound?, a bruise?, near the back of his head. 

“Sorry.” She says, voice low, slowly standing up. She starts to carry him.

“Man, I really shouldn’t have left you alone… What am I gonna tell Pearl, what am I gonna tell Garnet? Steven… Just, be more careful next time, okay? Geez...”

“Mm.” 

Steven gulps, trying to get his throat to work. 

“It’s… fine. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.” 

As the words leave his lips, he can feel pain dig itself into his chest. It doesn’t matter, as long as she doesn’t feel guilty.

“I should’ve looked after you. You’re not… well, as strong as you were before, and I keep… forgetting that.”

“It’s okay.”

Amethyst sighs, her voice quiet. “...But it’s not.”

He doesn’t know what to answer. He’s still dizzy, and somehow glad Amethyst just decided to carry him outright.

Dizzy. The world spins and tilts without a care in the world. Like any moment, he would slip off of the surface, and into darkness...

  
  
  
  


When he wakes up again, he’s staring at the ceiling of his home. The livingroom.

He’s on the couch, and he lets out a pained noise. Not here. If he wants to be in pain, then rather on the ground than on the couch.

Sitting on it has been fine, but laying down while wounded is… too much.

He tries to sit up, but just as he does, Peridot hurries to him to lay him back down. Medical equipment is stationed around the couch. 

“D-don’t move yet! Steven…” She calms down a bit. “You… have a concussion. Aaand plenty of head wounds that I really think you should stay down for.”

He lays back down, reluctantly.

“H-how… are you feeling?”

“I… Peridot?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do me a favor and please move this whole thing to my room instead? Including me?” His frame shivers.

“I, well… We weren’t sure if we wanted to intrude, and the kitchen is closer here…”

Steven sighs.

Peirod continues seeing his reaction, quick to try and mend the situation. “Well! I suppose it wouldn’t take much. I can move the machienery, but I’d have to ask Garnet to move you. Oh!” 

Her voice cheers a bit. “On a better note, nobody broke the house when they were freaking out! Plus, Spinel said she wanted to bring you human food later today?”

“Freaking out?”

“Oh, err… actually, just forget that part.”

Relief from being home and everyone else intact still washes through him. “Thanks for being here with me, Peridot. It... helps.”

She smiles, small and genuine. “Thanks. I mean, you’re welcome.”

The warp pad goes off. Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst walk inside the livingroom.

Pearl is the first to cry out. “Oh! Steven!” She rushes to his side, checking his forehead with her hand, then looking over the bandages with worry. “Oh no…”

Peridot tries to calm her down. “Don’t worry, he’s all patched up… for the most part.”

Amethyst comes up beside Pearl. “Uhh, what do you mean for the most part?”

“Well… I’m 97 percent sure I got everything.”

Pearl looks at her in horror. “Only 97?!”

Garnet sits down on the couch, placing one hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Relax. Those are good chances.”

“Guys…” As Steven speaks up, they all stop to look at him.

Peridot perks up before he can say anything. “Oh! Steven wanted to move his recovery to his room.”

“Hmm.” Garnet stands up, then gives a thumbs up. She gingerly picks up Steven.

As they relocate, Steven does his best to supress his pain. He sighs in relief once he’s laid down again.

The crystal gems sit down on his bed while Peridot builds up her equipment.

Pearl speaks up gingerly. “Why exactly do you want to be here instead…?”

Steven pauses before answering. “I… just, feels better here.”

“Ah, well… We’re very glad you’re okay.” Her voice cheers. “And we banned Amethyst from collecting garbage for the next 300 years!”

Amethyst grumbles in complaint. “Oh come onnn! Pearl, you don’t understand, it’s a part of me! Garnet, tell her.”

Garnet seems calm. “I take no side in this.”

Steven lets out a small laugh, forcing the smile to stay on his face as he speaks. “Cmon, Pearl. Amethyst brought me back, after all.”

“Well, you never would have been in so much danger if she hadn’t made you go.”

“She didn’t make me. I went on my own, and then I wandered off. This is my fault.”

“Steven…!” Pearl’s voice treads the line between worried and comforting. “This isn’t your fault.”

“It is. I wasn’t strong enough.”

“I’m certain you did everything you possibly could.”

“I tried…” He gulps. “I tried to help someone and I… This is what I get. I should’ve known better.” His voice chokes up with the last part, and he gulps again to get the lump in his throat back down into his chest.

Pearl sighs, trying to give him a reassuring smile while Amethyst stares down at the floor. Garnet remains unmoving.

Silence stretches between them. Peridot finishes with the equipment and sits down on the bed as well, unsure of what to say or do. Eventually, Pearl and Amethyst head off. Garnet doesn’t follow them, making a gesture to tell them to go.

Peridot mumbles something about getting another device from LH and heads off with them.

“Steven.” Garnet speaks, visor turned to the wall instead of him. “This had nothing to do with you. It’s not your fault.”

Steven’s voice grows to annoyance, mostly at himself. “I couldn’t protect someone who needed me, Garnet. I can’t even protect myself. I wanted to run away like a coward.”

“You did what you could.”

Steven sighs, trying to turn around before feeling a jab of pain and deciding not to. “I could’ve done better! Instead I just got beaten up, because apparently, I’m helpless now!”

“You’re not.”

His voice rises further. “I can’t  _ protect _ people anymore, Garnet!”

She turns to him now, more firm. “So you cannot like you did before. Everyone makes mistakes. You’re still-”

He sits up despite his body’s complaints. “If I can’t protect people, then who am I? I’m supposed to  _ be _ better. I’m supposed to  _ know  _ better!”

He breathes out, the tension slowly fading. When he realizes where he last heard those words and where he has them from, he lets out a quiet gasp, hands over his mouth. 

Garnet places a hand on his shoulder, now, reassuring, knowing. “Just let yourself be who you are, Steven.”

“I…” He thinks of what he wants to say. He doesn’t like it. Somebody has to know, eventually. Now or never. “I don’t feel like Steven.”

His voice is quiet, and thoughtful silence follows. 

Garnet desummons her visor, looking over to Steven. “Then, it’s up to you to decide who you want to be.”

“That’s just it. I  _ want _ to be Steven, more than anything. But I’m... not.”

“That’s an important step forward.”

“It feels like a step back.”

“Hm. We’ll do everything we can to get your gem back.”

“I know... Thanks, Garnet.”

She smiles again, and summons back her visor. She leaves, closing the door quietly behind her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer chapter today, and probably tomorrow too! :D
> 
> Enjoy yourselves some tru teen angst

One morning, a week after Amethyst took him outside, he finally decides he’s tired of being home all the time.

He stands up, tossing his phone and both his earbuds onto his bed. He looks in the mirror.

There’s still a distantly discolored patch underneath one of his eyes. He takes the bandage off of his head, feeling through his hair. The blood is crusted. Yesterday was the first day without headaches in that whole week.

All other bruises he manages to cover with his clothes by wearing something long sleeved and long jeans. On the shirt is a yellow lion motif. 

He heads downstairs. Peridot, Pearl and Amethyst sit in the kitchen. Amethyst looks like she’s sulking. Peridot jumps up.

“Steven! Where are you going, you need to rest at least another week for your head!”

“Don’t want to.”

“Wh- you have a concussion!!”

Pearl stands up, catching Steven’s gaze. “Peridot is right, you still need your rest…” She notices Steven’s look and clears her throat. “But if you want to get some fresh air and go on a calm walk, then I suppose…”

“No, I’m just done with being in bed.”

“Steven…!”

The tone of her voice irks something deep in his mind and he stops and turns. “Don’t ‘ _ Steven…!’ _ me!”

Pearl is taken aback, stemming her hands into her hips, stepping into his way. “Be reasonable, now. You’re still sick, and you should stay in bed.”

Her tone makes his chest furious for some reason. And with his headache slowly returning, his mood is dropping, quickly.

“I. Can do. Whatever I want.”

“You have to stay home, it’s what’s best for you.”

Amethyst jumps up, explosively angry. “He’s right, you know! This is what I was talking about. He needs to get out more, do human things! But noo, I’m the one you gotta punish!”

Pearl retorts to Amethyst, louder now. “Any reasonable human with a concussion needs to stay in bed! Amethyst, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Me?! You just think you can boss me - and Steven - around just cause you’re older or something!”

“Amethyst! Don’t side with him, that’ll just make it harder to keep him safe!”

Amethyst wordlessly grabbed Steven by the wrist. He supresses a flinch of pain as she pulls him with her, overstretching his bruised side. 

“Amethyst…!”

Pearl stands in their way, but Amethyst pushes her aside and pulls Steven outside with her.

Pearl lets out a dissapointed sound, but lets them go, unwilling to physically stop them.

Steven stumbles once he’s out, rubbing over his side. 

“So!” Amethyst beams all of a sudden. “Whaddya wanna do?”

“Good question…” He’s done nothing but feel horrible for… ages now. He’s tired of feeling horrible. “I just want to forget this whole mess for a bit.”

“Hah! That’s perfect.”

She heads down the stairs, and Steven runs after.

They both burst into the pizza establishment. Amethyst heads to the counter and yells for Jenny. She calls back to give her ten minutes.

Half an hour later, Jenny, Buck, Sour Cream, Steven and Amethyst all sit around a pizza. They talk, Steven mostly listens, but it feels better, to be around people, to do something. Jenny is talking about a story one of her online friends told her.

They finish the pizza, and Steven looks at his empty plate. “Hmmm…”

Amethyst looks over. “What is it, dude?”

“I’m bored. I want to do something.”

“Tch, you recovered pretty fast from that rock show, huh.”

“So so. I mean, we’re in Beach City, I know everyone here. I had  _ days _ of nothing to do to recover.”

Buck speaks up. “Well, I feel like you’re missing that signature something.”

Steven pulls his brows down. “Signature something?”

“Before, it was your jacket. But now your flow is different. You need something new to represent you, yknow?”

“Oh!” Jenny perks up. “We need to take you shopping. I’m thinking a leather jacket, eh? Eh?”

Sour Cream looks over Steven as well. “Dunno, seems pretty intense. But hey, maybe that’s what he needs.”

Steven nods. Yes. That feels like what he needs. What he wants. For just a bit, it can be about what  _ he _ wants.

Jenny powders over the bruises on his face, and they head off to Portville, a neighbouring city much larger than Beach City.

Amethyst promises not to leave his side at any moment, and they go into the center of town to shop and relax, while the colorful lights of the city are drowned out by the daylight, just as their group is drowned out among the crowds of faceless people.

Steven looks at himself in the mirror. “I dunno, this one seems too… extra.”

Jenny gives a thoughtful “Hmmm.”. She looks him over again. “I can see what you mean… Hold on a sec.”

While she goes off, Sour Cream shows Steven a video of one of his Dj shows from a month ago. “See? It was the biggest setup I’ve ever played on!”

Jenny comes back with two more black jackets. Steven keeps watching while he tries one on.

“That looks really amazing, Sour Cream… Oh!” Steven gets out his phone. “If you send it to me, I can post about it?”

“Woah, you post stuff? Man, I don’t know what happened with all your gem stuff, but it sure changed you up a tad.”   


Jenny stopped as well. “Wait, you spend time on your phone now? Like, for more than photos?”

Steven shrugs. “Yeah. I mean, mostly what changed is that I don’t need to do any more gem stuff.”

They both go quiet for a moment, and he looks back up.

Jenny breaks the silence. “Wait, whaaat! What do you mean you don’t need gem stuff?”

Steven lifts the little bit of his shirt, showing a small, bent-in scar easy to mistake for a normal bellybutton at first glance. 

Sour Cream’s mouth falls open before he talks again. “Wait, don’t you need that gemstone to like, live or something?”

Steven shrugs. “Nah, not anymore.”

Jenny looks over Steven again. “Huh, this one’s not bad, whaddya think?”

Steven looks over himself. The jacket is black, mostly leather, but kept simple. The zip up is the only silver thing that sticks out, and the pockets are comfortable to place his hands in.

“Yeah, I think I’ll go with this.”

Amethyst looks up from her own phone from her corner to see. “Sweet.”

\---

The next few days pass by. Finally, Steven picks up an electric guitar, slowly starting to learn how to properly use it with help from his dad. 

\---

One evening, invited over to Sadie’s place to practice more guitar with Sadie Killer and The Suspects: Buck, Sour Cream, Jenny and Sadie. Connie would show up much later, while Lars promised to join them for practice as their first opinion on new songs.

With his guitar over his back, he rings the bell. Sour Cream opens and lets him inside, and they head into the basement. “So Sadie’s mom isn’t here till monday. Means we can practice as loud as we want.”

“Sounds good.” Steven nods.

They arrive, where Jenny and Sadie are tuning and adjusting instruments and otherwise setting up. Steven its down. 

Sadie looks up. “Oh, hey Stee… Oh wow, Jenny wasn’t lying.“

“Hm?” He looks up at her, sat on the couch with one leg over the other, one arm slung loosely over the couch back. The electric guitar rests in his lap.

Sadie goes back to tuning. “You changed a lot, without your gem and all.”

“Guess so. Where’s Buck and Lars?”

“Should be here any minute, I hope.” She sighs. “But you know Lars, he’s usually late.”

“Yeah.”

Buck shows up a short while after. Finally, lastly, Lars is led down the stairs to the basement, holding a huge plate of food.

Sadie stands up. “Lars! Wait.. is that for us?”

“Yeah. Sorry for being late, these took longer than I thought.”

“Oh, pff. That’s fine, we haven’t started yet anyway.”

Jenny agrees, already getting off the foil. “This definitly makes up for being late, no kidding. Ohh, are these homemade? Like, freshly grilled and all?”

“Yep. Better than any other burger you can get, one for everyone. It’s not much, but I thought it’s something.”

Sadie looks over them as well. “These are great! Definitly need brain food for recording.”

Lars finally takes his eyes off of the food, looking around. Steven stands up from behind some electronics after finally plugging in his guitar and goes to sit down as well. Lars pauses, and Steven can’t stop a smile from creeping onto his face from all the reactions he’s getting.

“Hey, Lars.”

“Steven, you look… really different.”

“I know. Well, I mean,” Steven goes to sit down, testing his guitar, “I really just changed my jacket and shoes, and the t-shirt.”

“Yeah, but you  _ always _ wear those! I thought it was like - a gem thing, with the same outfit all the time, cause they don’t change theirs either?”

He shrugs. “Not really a gem anymore, so…”

“You’re what?!”

Showing Lars proof and explaining that he doesn’t have any of his powers anymore, leaving out the why and when, the band finally starts warming up while Steven and Lars sit on the couch to listen.

An hour passes. They sit, trying to make a new song, everyone pitching in lyrics. 

Sadie scribbles something down. “So, I had the idea with the summer days and all, but that’s too little, and feels too… Typical, yknow?”

Sour Cream nods. “Yeah. We got a song that mentions that already, too.”

Steven thinks, strums a note or two, clears his throat. “Well… I had something written up, but it’s mostly about me, and it just kindof… needs the background music fleshed out.”

Sadie looks up from her notes. “Well, performing something is better than nothing, and maybe we can help you with those music bits while we’re empty on inspiration?”

“That… would be pretty helpful, yeah.”

Sour Cream nods. “Sure thing, we’ll get this figured out. Music is for expression, you know the drill.”

Steven gets out a crumpled up piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolds it.

\---

By the time it’s dark outside, recordings are over. The instruments rest upstairs now, where it’s quiet. Everyone is in the basement.

Jenny is fiddeling with trying to open a bottle while Sadie is handing out the washed glasses. Steven is about to decline, but Sadie just lets out a small laugh. “You can just drink water if you want.”

Steven smiles thankfully and takes the glass. Lars comes down with three more bottles while Jenny carries down a plate of warm-made fries and some bags of sweets.

They set up the basement, spreading things comfortably while Sour Cream sets a playlist for the room’s speakers, putting it on play quietly.

They sit town, prouring out the alcohol relatively evenly at first, mixed with juice or some types with milk. Steven watches them, but only gets some juice for himself.

They laugh, start to play games of the typical type. The atmosphere is light, and only gets increasingly more relaxed with time.

Sadie points at Jenny, glass still in hand, easily the most motivated drinker out of the lot. “Alright, Jenny. Truth or dare?”

“Truth, obviously.”

“So what did you and Tyler do three weeks ago when you needed your parents out of the house? You never clarified.”

Jenny lets out a short laugh. “Aw, cmon Sadie, Steven’s with us! Don’t be like that.”

Steven rolls his eyes. “I’ll be fine, trust me.”

“Yeah, Steven’s like, one of us now, anyway.” Sour Cream is a lot more open so far, but still quiet. 

Jenny snorts again. “He’s still the youngest!”

“I think his problem is that he’s the most sober, yknow?” Sadie comments while gesturing to his half-empty glass of juice.

“We know, we know. But he’s just so innocent, look at him!”

Steven groans. “You sound worse than Pearl.”

Sadie and Jenny both laugh. They’ve been connecting a lot better in the past half hour.

Sadie calms down first, waving her glass around. “Aw, cmon. You know it’s true, nobody would be this... controlled! You’re what, sweet sixteen, with friends, who are all drinking? You gotta be the easiest and best kid imaginable.”

That, while it doesn’t sit right with him, still sank in. She isn’t entirely wrong.

Jenny perks up, suddenly. “I mean, I don’t know about gem stuff, but sounds like your mom’s side, yknow? I heard Greg was wayyy rebellious when he was little!”

Sadie leans in. “Really? Where’d you hear that?”

“Oh, he said he did a lot of crazy stuff when he was younger.”

Steven leans his face on his hand. “I kindof doubt dad would do that kind of thing.”

Sadie snorts. “Are you kidding me? Greg was like, a rockstar, of course he did that kind of thing!”

Jenny nods. “He wasn’t an asshole like almost all of them, but he sure wanted to live his life from what I got told, yknow?”

Sadie agrees, eagerness in her voice. “Definitly, I mean, half his songs are  _ about _ living the best life. Besides, from what my mom told me, he was reaaally untamed till he decided to settle down.”

Steven’s thoughts start to roll, like from the top of a hill, while he listens intently. He tries to pretend he isn’t as focused as he is on their conversation. He doesn’t notice how he gets down the rest of his juice while he’s busy looking inconspicuous.

Sadie looks over, cheerful. “Hey, Steven! Since you got that down, why don’t you try some.”

“Hm? Oh, I can just, get more of-”

Jenny cuts him off. “Yeah, cmon! Can’t know till you’ve tried it. Besides, I heard Amethyst loves it.”

“Amethyst can’t get drunk.”

“Yeahh… but she’s not against it, either, right? You gotta live a little, Steven! If you’re not a gem anymore, you can do whatever you want.”

“Well…”

Sadie offers him her glass. “Haven’t drunk out of this one yet, if you wanna try what I have.”

Sour Cream decides to chip in. “Cmon, if Steven wants to be a good kid, he can be.”

His stomach irks. No, he doesn’t want to be some perfect kind of person. Especially not kid. That’s just exactly what the other gems think of him now, this little 8-year-old they need to protect.

He glances over to the drinks. What is he afraid of? It won’t hurt anyone. It’s just what he’s been taught not to do. He was also never taught to fight until he started messing with missions on his own.

Sadie rolls her eyes. “That’s boring! Right, Steven?”

“Mm.” He gives a neutral sound, ringing with himself internally. Everyone is looking at him, Sadie, Jenny, Sour Cream. 

Lars and Buck were talking quietly with eachother, but now they’re looking over, as well, curious.

The pressure weighs down on him increasingly, only making the imbalance in his head sway more intensely. “I dunno.”

Jenny shakes her head. “Just look at what they made outta him! Greg did this without giving two fucks about what anyone thought, and this poor guy has to have a crisis about it? I mean, yeesh.”

She has a point. He’s not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. He wanted to be less afraid. So he can be himself again. Be breathes out, quietly. 

What do I want?

There’s no clear answer. You won’t know till you’ve tried it, they said. 

Sour Cream lifts his hands, trying to calm Sadie and Jenny. “Just calm it. Let him be who he is. If he wants to keep to the rules, you gotta accept that.”

Sadie thinks. “But what if he doesn’t want to keep to the rules?” She looks over to him. Steven is staring at the table in front of him, trying not to look too distressed. “Steven?”

“Huh?” He perks up. 

Sadie shrugs. “You look like, super distressed.”

“I’m fine. I’m not distressed.”

“Yeah, you are. Steven, it’s obvious. It’s fine that you are, but it’s obvious.”

“Well, I’m not!”

Sadie lets out another laugh and lets out a long sigh. “Oh my god, Steven.”

“I’m serious. I’ll-” His voice grows firm and determined, dropping in octave. 

“I’ll prove it.”

He regrets the words once he says them, but he doesn’t feel like there’s any going back. Or that he wants to go back a whole lot.

Jenny exchanges a glance with Sadie. “Really? How?”

Steven takes a deep breath, thumb pointed at his chest confidently. “Yeah. _ I _ don’t care whether I drink anything or not!”

Jenny grins. “ _ Really _ .”

Sadie snickers. “What do you say Jen, he really wants to prove it.”

Jenny shrugs as if nonchalant, and takes the empty juice glass away from Steven’s spot at the table.

“We’ll see about that then.”

Steven stubbornly meets her gaze before she pours him some alcohol-mix.

She sets the glass down in front of him. He thought all eyes were on him before, but now he feels he was wrong.  _ Now _ all eyes are on him, 100%.

He’s not afraid of anything. It’s just something normal to do.

I’m not. Afraid. Of this.

He keeps repeating the phrase in his head. He can prove himself, now. He takes the glass in one hand, looks Jenny dead in the eye, and throws down 3/4 of it in one go.

The substance burns in his mouth, throat and stomach. Bitter, but his determination barely holds him through. A moment later he clenches his jaw shut as his stomach twists, preventing it from trying to throw the poison back up.

Jenny whistles cheerfully while Sadie and Sour Cream clap humourously before Sadie falls into a snicker again. Buck gives a thumbs up while Lars is the only one who casts a worried glance onto the scene.

“See?” Jennie takes the glass agaiin to fill it. “Now you’re really one of us, whaddya say Sadie? I think that was a pretty good honrary band initiation?”

“Ohh! You’re right! I mean, you go to our practices anyway, but now you’re an honorary band member.”

Steven gulps, trying to keep the liquid down. “Wait, really?”

Sadie nods. “Yeah! How do you think  _ Lars _ got the title? I mean, you hang with us all the way now, I guess.”

“I… Yeah.” Steven nods. The liquid was beginning to make work. Each minute he thinks that he can feel it properly now, but each next minute proves him wrong.

They keep talking, he takes his next few sips a lot more carefully now. His stomach calms down, eventually, or at least enough to not bother him. He doesn’t know how long it really took, but eventually, it properly kicks in.

Oddly enough, the chains, the weight he typically feels dragging him down is gone. He doesn’t know what dimension it was thrown off to, and he doesn’t care. It’s gone. Like some kind of filter that eases the endless cycles of thoughts and worries. He feels he finally found out what it’s like, for a while, to not be in the middle of an identity crisis.

Laughter is easer, lighter. The haziness that starts to coat him after the second glass feels welcome, because now he knows he doesn’t need to be perfect anymore, or live up to anything. He forgets his purpose, and slowly, it feels the substance temporarily fills up the aching, painful void that his gem left behind.

Well, now he knows why people do this.

He even begins to participate in Truth or Dare. The only questions he gets is about the Crystal Gems, though: Whether he feels them more like parents, siblings, or friends. How he learned to fight. Whether they argue or not. Easy to answer.

Before he can complain about the questions, the doorbell rings. Sadie tells him of a prank she pulled on Lars once, and Steven laughs enough that he has to gasp for air. Lars admits, finally, that it was somewhat funny, even to him.

Just as he catches his breath, he looks up, and suddenly his face grows a lot more red than it was before. Connie.

“O-oh! Con-” He hics, and covers his mouth, blushing more, embarressed to have her see him like this.

“Steven? Wait, did you…  _ drink?! _ ”

He takes his hands off his mouth slightly. Despite the embarressment, his inherent good mood doesn’t want to fade. 

“I- Psh, well… N-not… much.”

Sadie giggles again. “Don’t be such a mom, Connie! He’s trying something new!”

Connie doesn’t look overly annoyed, but she doesn’t look amused, either. She stems her hands into her hips. “You know, Pearl is gonna be really mad when she finds out.”

“Tchh!  _ Pearl _ isn’t my  _ mom _ . I don’t  _ have _ a mom, plus, it’s not  _ that _ bad.”

Connie crosses her arms in front of her chest, but Steven relaxes. 

Connie sighs as she watches him lean back on the couch again. Lars turns to Connie. “Yeah, we kinda got carried away today… Sadie already finished the guest bedroom though, so I can still bring you there if you want. She’ll have sobered up till tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Lars.” Connie looks back over to Steven, who’s busy catching his breath about something else. “I kinda hoped to talk to Steven, but… I guess that has to wait...”

Sadie overhears her and speaks up before they can leave. “Oh, you can still, pff, talk to Steven just fine! He’s in a great mood, Con!”

Connie waves her hand. “It’s fine.”

Steven feels his mood drift down very, very effectively. It’s still hazy, but once Connie went back upstairs and out of view, he knows he has to go after somehow.

He gets up and the world sways a bit, but not too much. Sadie asks him where he’s going, but he just heads up the stairs just as Lars comes back down.

Lars looks after him, but doesn’t stop him.

Steven takes a moment to find the room. It’s opened a little, but he stops and remembers to knock anyway.

“Come in?”

Steven swings the door open, maybe a bit more energetically than he wanted to. “Connie, I- I…” He starts to stutter, realizing he didn’t really think of what to say before coming here.

“What is it, Steven?”

Her voice is unamused, even a bit annoyed. Without wanting to, his first thoughts blurt out.

“I know you’re mad at me, why can’t you just tell me you are?”

“I’m… I’m not mad at you, Steven.”

“Then what, dissapointed, annoyed… you know what I mean.”

“I’m not annoyed, I just- I just don’t really… know what to do when you’re… like this.” She gestures to him.

“I’m not any different than usual! Well, I’m not a different person!”

“I know… Can we just leave this to tomorrow?” Her voice is dismissive.

“Or do you mean that I’m not a gem anymore, is that it? Why you’ve been avoiding me? Cause I’m weak?”

He didn’t mean to say that. It’s been a theory of his, that she’s avoiding him, but he tossed it away as always just that: A theory. Nothing more. Now it comes spilling out as if he means it.

“I- I’ve just…. been… Busy.”

Her slow answer makes him pause. “So you  _ have _ been avoiding me.”

“Well- Steven, you’re not in your right mind right now.”

“I know! I  _ never _ talk about this stuff, becaue when I’m a diamond, I’m strong and sturdy enough to just push through it, and when I’m human, I’m a coward! So if you ask me tomorrow, you know I’ll just say it’s fine and pretend that it is!” 

He doesn’t know who he’s trying to yell at. Himself, or her.

He breathes out. He didn’t mean to yell. He’s been loud all evening, too. “I’m… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not perfect, I’m not… who you got to know. I’m just half of that, and I know it. Just…” He turns around to the door, grasping the handle. “Just tell me if that’s not good enough for you anymore.”

He closes the door behind him, maybe a bit harder than intended, and heads downstairs. 

Maybe one more glass will fix this, too.


	22. Chapter 22

He sits in the living room of his house. Pearl paces about impatiently, while Amethyst is laid out on the couch, unsure of what’s going on.

Greg steps in through the house and Steven groans. “They got you, too?”

Pearl gestures to the couch at Greg. “Please take a seat.” Her voice doesn’t leave room for objections.

Pearl continues to pace, and a moment later, Garnet warps in. 

“Garnet! Excellent. Now that we are all here, and calm, and seated...”

Steven is staring at the table, unwilling to lift his gaze to anyone in the room. Garnet sits down without a word.

Amethyst looks about. “Sooo, what exactly is this?”

Pearl takes a deep breath, pushes it out, straightens herself. “Well! It has come to my - to our - attention, that Steven snuck out at night again, even though he’s still supposed to stay at home for two days, and willingly consumed poison.”

Amethyst looks at her. “Pois- Ohhh! You mean alcohol.”

“Precicely!” Pearl turns to Garnet. “Garnet? What would you do.”

Garnet shrugs. Steven groans again, louder, and places his forehead on the table. “This is ridiculous.” He muffles from below.

Amethyst sighs. “This is what I got for a lot of first time stuff too, you get used to it.”

Steven lifts his head. “Pearl, I really have bigger problems right now, you know.”

“Like what?”

“Like, I don’t know, that I yelled at Connie because I was mad at myself, and now she doesn’t talk to me at all even though she’s already been avoiding me ever since I lost my gem and started to change?!”

“Oh, Steven… Well, you still need to know what you did was not okay.”

“Why? Dad did it when he was younger!”

“Aw geez, how did you find that out?” The other gems look at him. He sighs. “Listen, Shtuball, I did a lot of stupid things when I was younger, that’s true. That doesn’t mean you gotta repeat them all. But I do have to say this is… not the biggest thing to be upset about, if I’m honest.”

Pearl’s voice quickly goes from scolding to worried. “But-! One thing can lead to another, you know how it is! We have to keep Steven safe.”

Greg tries to keep his voice low and soft. “Steven is… his own person. And he’s growing to become an adult, one way or another. He has to learn to make his own choices, and that won’t happen if he doesn’t get to make mistakes, too. He has to learn on his own what’s good for him and what isn’t.”

Pearl breathes out, glancing around the others unsuredly now. Amethyst nods. “Not bad.”

Garnet turns to Greg as well. “Well said.”

Greg looks over to Garnet in surprise at her approval. “Huh. Thanks, Garnet.”

Garnet nods, and stands up to walk and then warp away.

Pearl looks after her. “Is it just me or has she been… quieter than usual?”

\---

The house is quiet. All he wants to do right now is kill some time. Not think about things. It’ll be fine.

“What is it, Garnet?”

Steven is expecting her to want to scold him about something again. Maybe for before, now that she’s thought about it. 

She looks over at him for a while. “Come.” 

She walks to the warp pad. Steven gets up, putting his phone back in his pockets. “Where are we going?”

Steven steps onto the cool blue teleporter, and Garnet warps them both.

They’re at the sky arena. “What are we doing here? Garnet?”

She doesn’t answer, just gestures him to follow. They both sit down in the middle of the arena.

Garnet takes a deep breath, and goes into a meditative position. Steven watches her, but doesn’t follow her example.

“Steven.”

“Yeah?”

“ _ You _ need to talk.”

He goes quiet, glancing to the sky instead. Fluffed clouds dot the sky, reminding him of his room. He’s been missing it as of late. Like he’s been missing his old life, and… missing his other half.

He turns his gaze away, trying to focus on something else, but the old diamond authority symbol at the entrance to the arena catches his eye. 

“I’ve been looking into the future.”

“And?”

“While there are many, many paths open… ” She trails off.

“...yeah?”

Garnet takes a deep breath. “Breathe.”

“Why?”

“You’re tense.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m more relaxed than you are?”

“No. Breathe.”

Steven sighs, and sits down in the same position as her. He hasn’t sat like this since he’s had his gem.

“Do you ever forget what happened?”

“What do you mean? How am I supposed to forget I lost… my gem.”

“You don’t need to forget. What you need is to confront what you run from.”

“I don’t… run…”

“You avoid. You run. Trying to escape your mind, and your mind chases after.”

“Garnet, I…”

“Tell me, Steven.”

His voice grows tired, but annoyed. “Hokay. Fine, fine. But you asked for it.” 

He takes a deep breath. “One, I’m not Steven. Two, I don’t know half of what you’re talking about, and three,” he stands up, “I don’t want to be here.”

“Hmmm. Where do you want to be.”

“What kind of question is that?” His hand clutches his shirt, frustration and pain raging in his voice. “I want to be  _ whole! _ ”

Garnet nods calmly. “That’s a good start.”

“That’s not a start at all! I’m… I’m too scared to just, go up there and… what would I even do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, great. If nobody knows, what do I do  _ then? _ ”

“You take another step.”

“And what, tell me, would that be?”

“I don’t know. You know.”

“No, I don’t!”

“What are you afraid of?”

He goes quiet, pausing. “What do you mean?”

“What’s the last thing you’ve been scared of?”

Steven thinks, looking over the arena again, into the distance. His face changes when an idea sparks into his mind.

Garnet smiles. “That,” she stands up, “is exactly what you need to do.”

“Do you… know what it is?”

“No. I will find out once you make the choice to show me.”

\---

Night hangs above Beach City. The stars glitter quietly in the sky, drowned out by spotlights and the glowing stage.

On the chairs, Greg, Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst mill about. Some other uncorrupted gems are around as well, but not a lot of them. Peridot and Lapis arrive on a flying trash can lid, while Bismuth arrives last. She hasn’t spoken to Steven since finding out about his gem.

Among the gems, a lot of Beach City’s human residents are around as well, most of them questioning and curious. The front seats are taken by the main crystal gems and Greg. Connie arrives near when Bismuth does, sitting down at the very back.

Sadie and the rest of the band start setting up on stage. Lars and Steven are at the back, helping them.

Steven feels Jenny punch him lightly in the arm. “You ready?”

“I hope so.”

Sadie hands him his guitar. “Don’t worry, we’ll be performing our own songs first anyway. And hey, if right before the performance, you say you can’t, that’s okay. We haven’t announced anything yet.”

Steven nods. “Thanks.”

He and Lars step out into the crowd, taking their own reserved seats at the front. Steven glances over to the rest of his family, but looks away before they can meet his eyes.

They start up the instruments, the music, the crowd settles down. Cheers as well as a few people singing along shape the atmosphere. Steven’s heart races. His guitar is in his lap. Only the band and Lars know what he’s planned out.

He thinks of Garnet, not really focused on what’s happening at the front. Did she really know? Does she know more than she lets on? He doesn’t know.

He’s seen Connie, but he doesn’t know whether she saw him yet. It makes his heart race faster and his stomach ache. His hands are cold when he practices the motions for strumming his guitar without making a sound.

“Nervous?” 

Lars’ question tears him out of his thoughts.

“Maybe.”

“Well… either way, it’s two more songs, so we better head backstage already and get you set up.”

Steven breathes in, and nods. “Let’s go.”

His nervousness seeps into the black cables and electronic devices, into the strums. No matter where he looks, his mind finds some reason to panic.

He steps up behind the make-shift curtain, knowing he’s just a few steps away from being seen by all. He waits. Fiddles with his hands. Stares into the sky. Waiting in the crowd, the moment came too quick, but now it’s taking forever.

The lights at the front go out. Sadie steps behind the stage and sees him. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

She gives him a thumbs up, and Lars makes the second curtain go down. The stage setup has gotten a lot better in the past few months, with the band performing more often.

He steps onto the stage, yet unseen by anyone in the crowd. His heart pounds, a dull, deep sound. He checks the microphone height while the rest of the band take their places. Lars gives him two finger guns for motivation and then vanishes behind the back curtain.

[SONG:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB246iyxENU ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB246iyxENU) “False Crown” by PrinceWhateverer. Adapted in minor details.]

The band starts to play before the curtains open, quietly at first. Once they reach the louder start of the song, the curtains roll back.

Steven stands, looking out onto the crowd, which cheers, some in surprise, some in excitement. He can spot Connie at the back, unsure how to react to her. He has to keep a cool head.

He has to sing, after all.

He looks over his close family. He has to do this.

No time to look any more. This is it. He takes the microphone out of it’s stand, clicking it on.

Once he starts, the stage is coated in pink light.

“I sit upon this throne, 

althought I sit alone

Just know that I am Prince of Hearts.”

Just as he finishes, the rest of the band, outfitted with microphones of their own, sing their own part. It sounds distant, distorted, and deeper. “You’re but a Prince of liars!”

He begins to step foreward over the stage as he sings, going closer to the stage end.

“No one can bring me down,

this head that holds my crown,

I have been royal from the start.” He grasps his shirt where his gem would be.

The band sets in with their part. “You will never be master of, this, home!”

As the music sets in louder, the lights flash pink. The band is fully, enthusiastically in the song, instruments intense and speakers loud.

Garnet and Pearl exchange a worried look, while Greg thoughtfully musters their setup. Connie is looking at the stage as well, more focused now. Guilty, maybe.

“I’m alright….” “It’s all your fault!”

“I’m okay…” “Liar, liar!”

“Dreaming of,” “It’s all broken!”

“better days...”

He can only cast a short glance to the others, the microphone held tight, seeing their expressions. He takes a deep breath, and pours everything he feels into his voice.

“I know that I’m a fraud! 

That I’m not meant to be!

They see a shell of who I am,

what would they say if they knew me?”

Another deep breath. It feels good. 

“I know that I’m a fake,

Imitation royalty!”

He looks up to the sky, to the stars.

“I was a moth and you a flame,

but now it’s all on me.”

The music sets in and he has a moment to breathe. His heart pounds with life, with energy, not fear or nervousness. This is his moment.

The crystal gems sit unsurely now, at the same time too focused to talk, or discuss, or turn away.

Steven’s face shifts to even more emotional now, entirely caught in the moment.

“It’s been this way for years,

kept smiling through the tears,

I’ll be a regal prince someday!”

The rough, echoed band voices join in once more. “Your life is an illusion!”

“They talk behind my back,

of the powers that I lack,

it will not always be this way.”

“You’ll always be a liar!”

He takes his guitar off of it’s stand while the band does their echoed lines and starts up his part. The people in the crowd cheer louder. They better, this part took him weeks to learn.

Adrenaline, life, strength rushes through his veins. Now he gets to embrace this. This moment, this feeling.

Then, quickly, he lets the guitar go loose and grabs the microphone again. As the music drops, going quiet, all lights go out. Remaining is only one spotlight, trained on him.

Now, unlike before when he stared at the walls or the distance, he looks the others dead in the eye. Now, that he has the courage. His voice shakes, and at the same time, it feels good to pour his heart out like this.

“I know that I’m a fraud,

this is my final plea,

I am a shell of who I was

what would you think if you saw me?”

“I know that I’m a fake,

not really royalty,

I touched the flames and I got burned

is this the way I’m meant to be?”

The music roars back up, and so do the lights. He takes a deep breath, and now there’s no more hurt in his voice, but intensity, anger. This time, the band sings along the same lines, quietly in the background.

“I know that I’m a fraud!

That I’m not meant to be!

They see a shell of who I am,

what would they say if they knew me?”

“I know that I’m a fake!

Imitation royalty!” He looks up to the sky.

“I was a moth and you a flame,

but now it’s all on me.”

The rest of the band continues to play, but their voices no longer follow his. He looks up to the sky, ignoring the crowd. As if, if he looks long enough, he could find it, that bright, pulsing, beating star.

“And now it’s all on me…

Brother can’t you see?

You were my inspiration,

everything I was to be.”

His hand reaches out to the sky, if only he could touch the stars, if only he could be there.

“Brother can’t you see?

I did this to me!

Without you I became a shell

of who I’m meant to be.”

He clicks his microphone out, and as the music plays out, everyting goes dead quiet for a moment. For a single, short, eternal moment, it’s quiet, and then loud cheering erupts from the crowd.

Steven lets out a long, tired sigh. 

The rest of the band gets up from their instruments and stands next to Steven. Sadie punches the air victoriously. “See? That was great!”

“I… yeah.”

He looks out onto the crowd. The crystal gems and Greg are talking quietly. He feels better. He breathes out, again.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAND WITH THIS! We enter a small hiatus!
> 
> That was Part 2 folks, Part 3 filled with pink drama and some more emotional ups and downs is in the works!
> 
> I hope to have part 3 finished and start posting it before this year ends, considering my usual pace. Part 3 will be the last part of this fic.
> 
> (Please tell me what you think of the inclusion of a song! Part 3 may have one or two SU songs if they fit and people like em!)
> 
> UPDATE: While Im definitly progressing, looks like it'll take a bit longer to finish, bear with me for a bit!!
> 
> UPDATE 2 (as of Feb 2020): 9 chapters are written and all following scenes are planned out, however I estimate there will be another 3-5 chapters. Thanks everyone for your patience!!
> 
> UPDATE 3: I dont wanna make yall wait even longer so Im just gonna upload what i have while i continue to write the last 2 chapters!
> 
> Update 4: It is done :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont wanna make yall wait even longer, so Im just gonna upload what i have while i continue to write the next 2 chapters!

Sharp pink coats the room. A green agate quietly hisses commands to yellow quartzes, rushing about. Specific parts of the walls are crumbled, as if they were purposefully attacked or specific stones ripped out.

In the middle of the room sits a makeshift Era 3 ship. The yellow quartzes drag out it’s members by force, one by one.

Nephrity struggles against the grip to no avail. “You can’t do this! The diamonds will punish you for this, we’re sent from earth by Steven Universe himself!”

The yellow quartz covers her mouth as she continues to struggle.

The agate motions her to be brought to the others. “Now, that’s all of them… No metal weapons. This shouldn’t take long. The less of these defective gems the better.”

The door to the room opens, and briefly, the agate looks up in fear. She relaxes and makes the diamond salute when she sees who entered.

Pink Steven steps into the room and the door closes behind him. Nephrity gasps. “Steven! I mean, your gem-”

The quartz covers her mouth again quickly.

The agate clears her throat. “We were just about to proceed as we usually do, but it is an honor to have you with us here, My Diamond.”

“That would be a waste.”

“...What?”

“You heard me.”

“But- but that’s how we always proceed.”

Pink Steven looks up at her, calm, confident. “I’m aware.”

He reaches into his gem. It glows, and he forms a rejuvenator out of light. The blade extends with a menacing crackle.

“My Diamond, these gems are beyond repair! These rebels could-”

He looks up at her again, and his voice is annoyed. “Are you questioning me?”

“What? No, My Diamond, you must listen to reason-”

“Era 3 corrupted you, too.”

“I-”

Pink Steven reaches out his hand, picking up one of the quartzes high into the air. She glows pink, unable to move.

“Just to be clear,” his voice is slow and cruel, “another objection and you will need to carry out your following missions with one soldier less. Two objections, and I will find a gem to replace you that actually exhibits competence.”

“Y-yes, My Diamond!” She salutes and freezes in that positon.

He drops the quartz. “Send the nephrite back to earth with the ship. Ensure she arrives in one piece. I will take care of these gems.”

The agate gulps, unsure what to think, but nods. “Yes, My Diamond.”

\---

The computer’s humm fades. A pink hand retracts. He turns, and behind him, the wall reflects his face. The computer finishes powering off.

Stepping to the wall, he lets his fingers go over the perfect surface. His reflection stares back. Pink on pink, it’s almost as if the wall weren’t tinted at all.

He breathes out, the habit still tightly engraved in his being, and sinks against the wall. Sitting down, his back against the wall, he watches Homeworld’s humm beyond the tinted windows.

A few ships fly low above Homeworld. One of them stutters all of a sudden, but another ship in the formation catches it.

He smiles, unwillingly, as the two ships dissapear into the vivid network of Homeworld. He forces the smile down. No. It doesn’t matter. 

_ I’m perfect. This doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the empire, and order. The only thing that matters is gemkind. _

All this chaos, all this uncertainty, this fear - he can fix it. He has to, it’s his duty. His purpose.

Such is fate. Nowhere but in quiet, silent rooms of pink does his strength waver and make him take a break, and breathe. He’s a diamond. Perfect, hard, unbreakable. 

He stands up, and faces the wall. One hand placed against it, he begins to shift. His gem was made for this size. When he opens his eyes, the form looking back is familiar, and yet, entirely foreign. Pink Diamond.

He trembles, unable to say why. Moving his face features, watching the mirror wall, emotion builds up in his chest and he shakes his head, eyes closed. No. No, no this feels horrible. He’s him. Not…

When he opens them again, tired, they’re his own eyes. Shifting again, this time to the form of Rose Quartz, only makes emotion fire up in him and suddenly his fist meets the wall as he cries out, cracks spreading from his mirror image.

He breathes out, again, and sinks back down. He’s himself. Half of Steven, but not him. Pink Diamond’s son.

Knowing her form as a previous form he had posessed, he shifts some of his features to look more suiting to the image of a diamond. Sharper hair? Pink Diamond’s clothes? A thinner frame, or maybe just differently proportioned?

He tries it all, and then decides to do it more… his way, by keeping himself a bit taller, and shifting the star on his shirt to a diamond. Continuing the bottom lines of the diamond shape, he makes a hole in the shirt to give his gem space to breathe and absorb light.

Well. Everyone is used to this general form, anyway. He just wishes there were a safe enough way truly reform and make his form less… glowing, and transluscent, and less temporary.

While the dull pain in his chest continues, he looks out the window once more, onto ships humming about like birds. 

Order. He must restore order. He will restore order, one way or another. And doing so the way the empire always did is just the most effective way. 

Not to mention it’s effective for him.

It feels good. Better, to be truly himself again: Where he knows he matters, more than anything or anyone else. He’s a diamond, and this empire’s ruler. The burden he carries is for all their sake, and the knowledge that they should and will do anything he requires makes this burden easier to carry.

But he… Steven, him, his human counterpart, would insist he’s unimportant. Entirely unimportant, pointless. He, the diamond, however, knows he’s the most important gem there is.

Or, well, that’s what he should feel. It seems the damage his human part did will take longer to fix. He hopes, that once the empire is restored, the thousands of gems looking up to him will restore that feeling of pride, certainty and importance.

It’s calmer, here. No questions, no quarrel in his mind. His mind is quiet, and calm. Empty. Not the clean kind of empty; It’s the kind of empty with a dent in the middle. Like something is missing.

Does he feel guilty? He doesn’t know. He was rejuvenated, and what happened during that time, happened. There’s no reason to feel guilty about something so… so… factual? Unstoppable? Unpreventable?

He looks up when the computer whirs up for a moment. He reads over the text. Another report of rebellion within his own little rebellion. Of course.

_ Don’t be scared. I’ll sacrifice my freedom, and play my role, so all others may continue to play their role. I’ll make them proud. Everything, everything will go back to normal. _

The promise, though genuine, leaves him tense. He breathes out.

He closes his eyes for a moment, and his mind wanders off, into the distance. 

To Earth. To warm sunlight, and the sound of laughter, and the sound of waves on the beach. The temple, rising to the sky, a gem structure of perfection among the colorful features of the planet’s surface.

But his dream is nothing like reality. The thought of overgrowth, dust, fallouts, murky waters, bloodied ground and shouting makes him shiver. Earth is home to all, but the Earth that’s in his mind is nothing like that.

No, the Earth he imagines only has beaches, waves, laughter and sunlight. A perfect image, one he knows not to be real or to exist. Is that what she felt? Maybe it was. Now he has a chance not to make the same mistakes as her.

This time, he will fight for order. Whichever gems need to be sacrficed, will, for the good of all. And he’ll do everything, everything it takes to remain in control. To remain feared. 

And, admittedly, feel the rise of assurance, like someone praised him, whenever he can prove his power over others.

It feels good. And by his design, it’s what he’s made for. What he’s allowed to do. Other gems should be used to this, and once they are, it won’t hurt them; It will only bring them guidance. 

Assurance and purpose should lie in submissiveness.

As he should submit to the other three diamonds. Or would have to, if they hadn’t failed so catastrophically. They’ve uprooted all order, and for what? For Pink? For Homeworld rebellions that steal and shatter gems? For the death of the empire? No. If they had all just stayed in their molds, they would be fine.

They’re all convinced, but he knows. He knows how to fix this. He has to fix this.

He can’t stand another day of feeling helpless, or useless, or powerless.

From today forth, he will act as he was always supposed to. 

His wants are the empire’s wants. 

And he wants to be respected.


	24. Chapter 24

An Era 3 ship lands with automated tracking mechanisms on the same place it had taken off from. The uproar of it brings forth gems and humans of all kinds to the beach, gathering around. They wait impatiently for the ship to finish lowering.

Amethyst manages to finds Steven and warp him to the beach as well. Once they arrive, the ship opens it’s doors. They all wait, muttering, but nothing happens. Garnet steps up after some wait, and into the ship.

When she returns, she has a bubble in her hands, in it Nephrity’s gem. The other crystal gem come up to her. She pops the bubble while informing the others she could not find anybody else on the ship.

Nephrity reforms, her form glowng before she lands on the beach, alarmed. She shakes, looking around with horror before realizing where she is. 

“Oh… oh no, oh no…!”

Bismuth cuts her off. “What happened.”

“We- we were taken! They’ve all been taken, rejuvenated… They sent me back on purpose, and he, oh no…”

“He who?”

Amethyst continues to drag Steven to Nephrity and the others.

Steven struggles against her grasp helplessly. “This doesn’t- have anything to do with me! I was going to-”

Nephrity’s worried tellings cut him off. “Steven’s gem was there!”

He goes quiet, and finally stands beside Amethyst. Nephrity casts him a worried look. “Oh, no, it was awful. He pulled a rejuvenator out of his gem, and- and they did the salute to him and everything-”

She’s cut off by sob. Garnet places a hand on her shoulder. “There there. Let’s get some rest, and where it’s quiet, and we can talk about the details.”

The gem nods, and Garnet and Nephrity walk off the beach to the warp pad.

Bismuth turns to Steven. “Well, looks like our next ship is gonna need you there with it.”

“Me?! Wh- what do you expect me to do?”

“You were fused with your gem for years, right?”

“Well, yeah, but… we unfused for a reason, and I… I don’t think I can convince him to come back.”

Bismuth sighs. “We’ll have to consult Garnet about this, of course, but you’re the only one who can convince him.”

Steven’s voice is panicked. “I don’t know how!”

“You want to be whole again, don’t you?”

“Well… I….”

“Exactly.”

“I’m…” Steven trails off.

Bismuth softens her voice, noticing his disstress. “Hm?”

Steven lets out a long, defeated sigh. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m… I’m scared, Bismuth, I’m not… as brave as all of you, anymore.” His voice starts to tremble a bit, and his vision goes watery.

He goes on, rubbing his neck and looking away. “Last time I tried to save someone, I…”

“Listen. You won’t be on your own. But he’ll have to listen to you.”

“I don’t know...”

Bismuth kneels down to be on eye level with Steven. “You were fused for a long time, and you know him better than anyone here possibly could. If anyone knows why he does the things he does, it’s you.”

Steven nods, and Bismuth gets up. “Don’t worry. We’ll do everything we can to help.”

Bismuth starts to walk to where Garnet vanished to after telling Pearl and Amethyst to get Lapis and Peridot. Steven follows Bismuth, trying to keep up with her. Once most gems are out of earshot, he sighs.

“Bismuth? Tell me something.”

She stops and turns, as if she forgot he was there at all. “What is it?”

He breathes in, fists clenched, nervous. But now or never.

“How… did you forgive me?”

The questions seems to catch her entirely off guard, and her voice softens. “What do you mean?”

“I did those awful things, and… How? Maybe then, it’ll… help me forgive?”

“Well, I don’t know if my way is the best, buut… I try to imagine if my history were the same as another gems’. If I came back and knew my rejuvenated part was awful, and didn’t represent who I was, then… I think there’s a certain way that is appropriate for that. I’d want to be forgiven.”

Steven listens, quiet. Bismuth continues. “If I were hit by that thing and started gushing about the diamonds or tried to harm someone, you could forgive me, couldn’t you?”

“Of course! But… he’s not rejuvenated anymore. But he’s… out there…doing all these things.”

Her voice grows softer, quieter. “It’s easy. To chalk up everything to someone else. To say all diamonds are evil, or that your gem-half is evil, and the root of all your problems.”

She sighs. “But Garnet taught me a lot, these past two years. She chooses to be forgiving. Because we’re all a little to blame, aren’t we? And if we’re all to blame, then what’s the point?”

She goes on. “We just have to try to prevent harm as best as we can. Beyond that, well. Sure, we could punish your gem half when you get it back, but what good would that do? I mean. If a gem has been hurting others, we need to make them understand it’s wrong by punishment if nothing else works. But… ”

“I don’t hold what your rejuvenated self did against you. Well, admittedly maybe I did, a bit, at the start. And right before you split and all, was… difficult… ”

“But how did you stop holding onto that?”

Bismuth looks down on him, and smiles softly. “I held onto other things.” 

“But…”

“You helped Pearl. And Spinel. You helped me, Lapis, Peridot… you helped all of us. You forgave us when we made mistakes. Big mistakes. You’re allowed to make mistakes, too, and be forgiven for them.” 

Steven’s vision blurrs, but he continues to quietly listen.

She lets out a small reminiscent laugh, and goes on. “Cause, well. You did a lot of good. Gotta give yourself credit for that, too.” Her smiles fades a bit. “Steven…?”

He blinks, and two tears run down his face. Bismuth steps closer and lets him embrace her while he sobs, choking on his words. “I… I felt- feel- so bad, I…”

“There, there. We’ll all work through this. You gotta learn to talk to us more often, you know.”

Steven pulls back, wiping over his eyes. “Yeah… you’re right. Maybe I do.”

\---

The worst part, perhaps, is the loss of control. The fury, the anger, and then the helpless reminder of pain.

It took but a short moment, a brief flash of memory, or the slightest bit of pain to set off his powers, exploding violently across the room.

He can’t even lay down. Only sit. Laying down is bad, especially if it’s too soft. It reminds him of the couch. It reminds him of pain. It reminds him of dying.

So he doesn’t lay down. He reminds himself that he is a diamond. And now, without his human faults, he may pursue his purpose.

The gems that he has found willing to listen to his orders obey him to a fault. And when they do not, there’s nothing he admits he’d rather do than get them back into line. It’s just natural, it’s just what he’s made for, so of course it would be fun.

Something that he’d always wanted to do, deep down. And now, without the compromise of his human… part, he may do whatever he wants. Perhaps Pink Diamond had it all wrong: She just didn’t use her powers and abilities correctly. 

He can fix that, however. Instead of manipulating others of her cause, he can get them to stay in line. She must’ve just gotten bored, with how the other diamonds treated her; He will not get bored. He’s at the top, now. Or will be, once the rebellion succeeds.

Which it will. How could it not? With him to lead, it will be a breeze. Not to mention his new weapon will be of… great use.

They can’t be sad, unhappy, or dissapointed when they’re brand new, right?

They obey him. That’s all they must do. And he? He will take pleasure in knowing they’re under his command, just as it should be.

Just as, finally, he gets to reap the benefits of being a diamond.

\---

The clock ticks quietly in the corner of the room. Despite all materials needed spread out before her, Connie couldn’t focus on her assignment in the least.

She gave a frustrated sound and pushes herself and her chair back from the table with a scraping sound. It’s no use. Sounds of light raindrops on the window turn her gaze to the sky.

It’s gray outside, the last bits of sunshine fading like divine favors into the dark monotoneness. Rain. It will be colder tomorrow, or at least fresher. Yesterday was unbearable.

Connie turns her torso to lay her elbows on the windowstill, looking outside. People are scattering, some walking faster, others fiddeling with colorful umbrellas that either refuse to open or are taking too long.

Her close, humid breath to the glass stains it a tidbit, but the effect dissapears immedietly whenever she moves her face away. It won’t stay.

She isn’t sure whether to feel guilty or angry. About Steven, about all of this. His name rings in her head as well as the pictures of him, moments she has eternally memorized that she could draw them out perfectly.

Of course she feels guilty, to some extent. He didn’t talk to anyone, and that day in the ship, the day she and Amethyst wanted to talk to him, it was obviously already far too late. At the same time, as irrational as she feels it is, she feels angry. She trusted him, and was convinced he did the same. Clearly, however, quite literally falling apart wasn’t something he could trust her with.

Maybe it’s an internal feeling, maybe more of a hunch or even just wishful thinking: But it feels as though Steven, her Steven, isn’t here. Like the carbon copy running around is just his nearly-identical twin, and she likes to imagine they both grew up differently and that’s why she needs her Steven, not this Steven, even if they are identical.

He’s never been good at sharing his feelings. Steven hiding his problems is such an old song that she knows it by heart. She knew he was lying, but usually he either resolves the problem on his own, or eventually went to somebody to talk about it, even if just bit by bit.

He stopped doing that a while ago, months ago. She thought he got better at dealing with his internalization, or that he spoke to the gems more, or- 

It doesn’t matter now. What’s worse even, next to the guilt and anger, she feels doubt. The fact that, as the gems put it, the rejuvenator messed with his coding, this Steven might be completely different. Her Steven, the one she knows and misses, might be gone forever.

Unsure whether to cry or angrily pace around the room, she stays sitting, staring outside. Thunder rolls over Beach City, giving hint to the storm brewing above.


	25. Chapter 25

The pink door closes behind him. Once it does, his diamond eyes glide over the room. The cracks from last time have been fixed. Before another thought can cross his mind, he finds his fist back at the wall and cracks once more in place.

He doesn’t remember balling his fist, or making the choice to move, or anything, really. But now he stands, retracting his hand, and a shattered reflection looks back at him.

After all this time he spent, he has to admit, finally, that his emotions are an impulsive, messy mystery to him. They fly up, or cause him to break down, whenever they want. Whatever desire he feels seems to sneak up behind him and bash him over the head without warning. 

They make him want to hurt, fight, he’d even played with the thought of shattering gems for real, in front of their very eyes… At the same time they roar up whenever he sees gems actually hurt, some inner instinct wetting his eyes and mouth to make sure he can heal them. He refuses to, typically, but that only leaves him crying a few hours later. Crying! He’s a diamond, he shouldn’t be crying!

HE is the gem. Why is he so unstable? What would that mean, that his human half is supposed to be stability? He always thought his human counterpart was the impulsive one.

No matter what he does, either he feels prepetually nothing, a dull, aching emptiness in the void that his other half left, or he’s entirely breaking down by either crying or breaking something. Or both. Ridiculous. Shameful. How could he live up to her legacy like this?

Worst of all? It hurts. No, worst of all is that he has to admit to himself that he misses his counterpart. More than anything. More than he misses old Homeworld as he slowly comes to realize that old Homeworld has no point in existing. 

Going back or not going back, either option leaves him… like this. Weak, broken. Unhappy. 

No matter how many walls he punches to the ground and how many floors he screams to shards, the feeling doesn’t budge. 

He wants his other half back. He wants his half back so much that he simultaniously wants to heal him and kill him. An obsession, raging in his mind. Obsessed with everything they once knew: Earth, home, being human, protecting, fighting, loving. Obsessed, so much so that it would take him restraint not to choke his human half to death once they inevitable cross paths again. Or perhaps, it will take him restraint not to rip his gem out of his own body and hand it to his human part.

No. He must remain persistant. He must remain perfect. Must remain in control.

The Empire will roar to life, one way or another.

\---

Pearl carefully studies his posture.

“Okay, Steven. Are you sure you’re okay with holding it now?”

Steven shifts his weight again, holding a thinner metal shield. He weighs it again, then swings it over his back with the attached leather strap. 

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay… Amethyst, have you called Connie yet?”

“She’s not picking up, I think she’s mad at Steven.”

Steven tries to give a smile when they both turn to look at him. “I, well… Yeah…”

“Well,” Pearl summons her own cellphone, “let me try with my own phone. Finish preparing in the meantime.” She goes outside to catch the best signal as she usually does.

Amethyst gives her a thumbs up. She picks up a large bag, mostly containing things for Steven in case the mission draws out, and begins to haul it to the ship.

On the wet, white sand sits The Sun Incinerator. Steven watches Amethyst leave for it. Garnet, Lars and Pearl are already outside.

He looks after her as the door to the house shuts, and he can feel his strength waver as he has to lean on the table for a moment. His knees are weak. He’s going to fail, he’s sure of it.

Once the quiet of the house begins to press down on his shoulders, he quickly hurries out. It’s time.

Evening is beginning to softly fall, unnoticeable due to the sky being covered in gray clouds. The sky still isn’t quite clear, and Steven is glad he can just wear his jacket. 

\---

The ship is boarded. He looks outside the window as it takes off, seeing the groups of gems waving them goodbye and wishing them luck from afar. His home, slipping out of his grasp. And yet… every inch away from Earth is an inch closer to… him. His gem. It? Him?

His chest and stomach brood, exchanging their discomfort amongst eachother. The others are busy either operating the ship or waving someone specific goodbye. Lars and Pearl are at the main controls. Garnet and Amethyst look out a different window while Spinel hops about trying to see every window simultaniously. Since her time on LH, she’s gotten a lot more focused on entertaining herself rather than anybody else.

Once they exit the atmosphere, in the dark glass Steven can see that there is still a light green stain below one of his eyes. He stares at it absentmindedly while Garnet and Amethyst go to sit at the control panel as well. 

Spinel hops up beside him, trying to find what he’s looking at. “Whatcha doing?”

Steven snaps out of his mind state, startled for a moment by her being right next to him. “Just, err. Thinking.”

“‘Bout what?”

“...Doesn’t matter.”

She tries to squint into the stars again, but not noticing anything, she bounces off. Guilt still wallows in Steven’s stomach when he watches her hop off. Hold onto other things. New things.

He breathes out, and dearly hopes that everybody’s faith in him is placed wisely.

\---

They enter Homeworld’s atmosphere, recieving contact from a ground station. Everyone’s breath is briefly held tensely, but the greeting is as usual, and when Pearl asks for Homeworld’s status, the response calms them all down. Relief sweeps through the ship. Nothing has changed.

They enter stable orbit, angeling the ship at the next available station, waiting for a free spot to land. The air is less tense, but still empty. Nobody dares break the silence, but Steven can feel the heavy gazes on him as he tries to stare out the window without looking at anyone.

They’re informed that Pink Steven - even Homeworld calls him that - has been unwilling to see anyone. He moves about Homeworld, his positon unknown, even to the Diamonds. The Peridot in the intercom does, however, offer to let them wait infront of the door to the pink computer room, as he’s reported to access it often.

Steven doesn’t talk to anyone while he walks. His heart is thumping in his chest. He can’t get overly hopeful, in case it doesn’t work out, but his emotions aren’t having it. He wants to go home. Home, in bed, with music, and maybe food. Pancakes, or fries… Maybe even a bottle or two.

That’s it. He wants to fuse, and go home, and forget all this. He knows that he didn’t always feel this way. Or rather, when they’re together, they feel different.

The door towers high, an indestructable wall between him and what he needs. They try to open it, but the door doesn’t budge. A mechanic voice answers. “Your request has been queued.”

Garnet steps to Steven, who is shifting the weight of his shield nervously. “Ready?”

Steven sighs, and shakes his head. Garnet humms thoughtfully. Steven can feel the eyes on him when he sits down near the door as well. He looks over to Amethyst, but she stares at the floor. Pearl is watching the reflection of pink in her spear while Garnet stands, stoic, looking at everyone. Her visor lets none know who exactly she’s watching. 

Spinel comes hopping from the other end of the halllway. “Sorry! I had to catch up with Yellow Pearl! Are we in yet?”

Garnet shakes her head. Spinel walks over to the others and sits down next to Steven. He looks up, unsure what to think or do, before he remembers. New things. Hold onto new things.

He wants to say something, but then decides against it. Now is not the time to start important conversations, especially not… vulnerable ones. He just has to fuse back, and everything will be fine. Everything will be fine, once he’s himself again…

Nervousness continues to clump his insides, and everyone is quiet. Spinel fiddles with her thumbs, looking over everyone. She doesn’t like the atmosphere, but she knows now there’s not much she can do to change it, not with this future looming over them.

\---

Steven feels it in his chest: He’s about to explode. He gulps, pushes it down. With every passing minute that they wait before those doors, it grows worse and worse. 

Suddenly, the mechanical voice speaks up again, starteling them. “Pink Steven will encounter you on a different level of the palace. Please head to room 70-XB.”

“So  _ he _ has a nickname…” Steven murmurs to himself. He leaves the doors last, following the others.

They take an elevator-like construction that warps them deep, deep into the reaches of Homeworld. 

The hallways are empty, echoing, expecting. Lights are embedded in the ceiling, but they don’t quite reach the floor; The gems and Steven walk half in the dark, half in the light.

They reach a door inscripted with the appropriate numbering. Steven can feel his heart about to burst through his chest, trying to stand perfectly still. His fingers are cold, and he tightly grabs the strap keeping the shield on his back.

The door opens silently.

Inside, the room is lit well, light streaming out of it so bright that the entering group has to squint for a moment.

The door closes behind them so quietly that they don’t even take note of it.

In the very center of the room, a pink, softly glowing version of Steven stands calmly, watching the door close behind them with piercing eyes. He puts his head slightly to the side, looking the group up and down.

Steven, human steven, feels his insides churning in weird ways. He feels weak, without being able to say why. Weak compared to that shining pink light, light that he feels should be part of him instead of somewhere out there. 

His knees feel shaky, and he gulps. He knows all pairs of eyes are stuck to him, right now. His own eyes however are captured by two pink ones. He hates and needs them at the same time, a contradiction that stands like a wall between them both.

Finally, human Steven’s eyes go around the rest of the room. Some of the walls are caved in, tiles forecefully ripped out. He knows what that means. Nobody has intel of this room except them.

His pink version speaks, the sound echoing off the walls. Like he’s been practicing them. “Look at how you show up here. Tired, bruised, broken. Why would I want anything to do with you?”

His stomach churns again, but he presses it down. No time for that, no time for him, no time for his conflict. There’s only time to fix this. He doesn’t answer his other half, mind running the speed of a train. A train heading towards a cliff.

His pink version takes one step to the group, and the gems nervously glance at Human Steven. “Did you miss me, or did you just miss being powerful? Being in control?”

Human Steven grasps his shirt, where his gem should be. “I… I told you, I would… I can fix this, p _ lease _ .” His voice cracks at the end, mouth dry and tongue sticking to his gum when he talks.

“Fix this?” His pink version’s response is dry, unamused. As he continues, his voice drops low, quiet but intense. “ _ I’m _ the one who can fix this.  _ I _ am going to restore the empire, to a glory you can’t even dream of.”

“No… no, you can’t do that! Are you  _ insane? _ All the work I-  _ we _ did!”

“Your version of the world isn’t fixed. It’s  _ flawed _ . But it can be better! It HAS to be better!” The pink’s voice rises to fill the entire room, power crackeling just beneath the surface.

“Nothing is going to be perfect, it’s about living, and… and…” His strength wavers. He feels weak, like a petal about to blow away in the wind. Why is his other half so unmoved? So certain, so steadfast? How?

“I’ll show you. I’ll show you perfect.” 

Once the low, echoed voice of the pink self fades, he reaches into his gem, and pulls out a weapon all too familiar to them all. A pink, crackeling rejuvenator, energy radiating from it just waiting to latch onto anything within it’s reach.

“No… don’t you dare…!”

Pink Steven ignores his other half and steps to the group of gems, who draw their weapons within a split second. 

A laugh breaks out of Pink’s throat, contrast to his previous voice. It sounds surreal, and genuinely amused. “Tch! You think you can fight me?” 

He breathes out. “Alright, alright, I’ll humour you, just this once.”

Pearl pushes Human Steven back as the others take formation. 

Steven stumbles as he’s pushed, backing against the door. “No! No, nono… Don’t fight! Especially not with that  _ thing-! _ ”

Lars goes to join Steven at the back while Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Spinel stand as a protective wall between the two partly-humans and the diamond.

Before he can protest again, Pink Steven moves in. Spinel uses her limbs, managing to grasp the rejuvenator while Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst attacks simultaniously from the front. To their surprise, the diamond lets go of the rejuvenator willingly before blocking their frontal attack.

Spinel handles it carefully. He watches them all pull back, and Garnet takes it from her. Human Steven has his ground again, standing firm, but still behind them. “Garnet! Break it, quick.”

Garnet takes the rejuvenator and breaks it in half over her knee. The energy gives a last, fading buzz, a last vibration, before the blade dissapates and the two pieces of the handle lay still. They drop to the floor with a clatter, and all eyes are stuck to Pink Steven again.

He watched the whole thing, standing calmly. He moves slower this time as his gem glows. A vaguely rectangular form of light hovers in the air, and he forms it. Forming it back into the shape of a scythe before snapping it into existance. It falls into his hands.

The others stare, unsure in their stance. He looks at them, playing himself offended. “You didn’t think I would limit myself to only one gem-weapon when I can have two, did you?”

Human Steven pushes past the gems, holding his shield in front of him. “Stop it! Stop! Don’t you dare fight them again, especially with that  _ thing! _ ”

His pink self steps closer. Before the others can interviene, he knocks his human half to the side, albeit carefully. Just enough to make him stumble and fall to the side so he can attack the gems once more.

“NO! I’ll- I’LL NEVER FUSE BACK WITH YOU IF YOU RESET THEM!”

The shout is as loud as humanly possible, echoing off the walls not unlike Pink Steven’s voice echoes at all times. To his surprise, he actually stops. Pauses, and looks back to his other half.

Tense silence falls between them. Pink Steven stares at them all, hands shaking ever so slightly with a powerful rage storming just beneath the surface, but he pushes it down. 

“You want to fuse back? Fine. But I want my colony, and I want my revenge, and I WILL be a diamond.”

His human half gets up, both hands reaching out to his pink half. Determination fuels the last idea he has to fix this, to bring everyone to safety…

His pink half hesitates, waiting tensely as his human half approaches him. The other gems watch, unsure, exchanging glances.

The human half reaches him. Pearl breaks the silence. “Steven, we can do this some other way, we don’t have to-”

While the pink half is distracted, suddenly the human half reaches towards the exposed gem, grasping it, pulling. 

Letting out a surprised, choked out sound, the pink half pushes back in surprise at the pain. Human Steven rolls over the ground at the shove, trying to get up. 

Grasping his gem, his pink form shifts for a moment as it sets the slightly loosened gemstone back in place.

He places his hand to the wall, and it reacts to his touch.

The group of gems become encased in pink bubbles. Pink Steven doesn’t look at them when he speaks. “I’ll come back, and maybe then you’ll be more sensible.”


	26. Chapter 26

When he wakes up, he finds himself in the dark. His shield is still heavily over his shoulder, but he doesn’t dare move without knowing where he is, or where any wall is. Carefully starting to move, he sits up. No walls. 

Suddenly a bright light blinds him.

“Steven! Are you okay?”

Steven squints. “Pearl?” His eyes adjust, and he can see Pearl sitting nearby, light coming from her gem. 

“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” His hands shake, his frame shakes, and he drops the shield to the ground with a clatter. Feeling weak, thin, broken. He wants to be whole. He was so close. And yet, he had to. Had to protect them. If he fuses back, who will protect them?

Pearl places a hand on his shoulder. Around them, the others wake up gradually. Amethyst and Garnet quickly make their way closer to them both. Lars and Spinel take a moment more, sitting in the group as well. They’re in a rectangular room, closed off on all sides.

He said he’d come back, and Steven feels like if he has to see him one more time, he’s going to fuse back no matter  _ what _ he wants.

“How long… do you think we’ll be here?” Amethyst breaks the silence carefully, and the others either shrug or look away.

Steven sighs heavily, and leaves the group to go and sit at the wall. The others look after him, but don’t stop him. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl start to make work on figuring out how the room works while Steven watches.

After a few more moments, Lars and Spinel join Steven, sitting nearby. There’s nothing either of them can do.

As time drags on, Pearl reveals she does have some human food stored in her gem. Steven is the only one who needs to eat, and it only adds to the nervous, pained and guilty feeling in his chest.

\---

Silence. Painful silence falls into the room, and with a sudden crash, his pink fist breaks the wall. Again.

A choked down sound escapes his throat, and he places both his hands to his mouth to stop it. He knew it, always should’ve known. They only care about the powers. Of course they do! Why would he ever think otherwise? Stupid, stupid, stupid…!

But no, it’s fine. He’s just the gem. Just the powers, the abilities. They adore him. They LOVE him. Of course they’d think his role is purely in being strength! What else is he good for?! 

Another fist breaks the wall. No matter how pathetic his human half grows, they call him Steven. Just Steven. As if that were it, or as if he were the more important part. 

Because he agrees with them, is that it? Because he follows them, and they don’t clash minds? But then, what are they, fused? Is he just supposed to stay still? Didn’t their fusion initially work, didn’t they agree, at the beginning? And if they did agree, why did they tolerate his dominance and decisions then? Why do they tolerate him,  _ him _ , it’s all about  _ him _ . 

Why don’t they tolerate me? If they hate one half, why don’t they hate the other?!

He jolts up. No point in breaking the wall over this. He still needs this room. It hurts. It hurts, so he turns, and leaves this cursed room, this awful place. To a new place, a new room, a new hallway.

_ Run, run, run away, face your wrath another day... _

\---

The three main crystal gems sink together, exhausted, sore all over from attempting to break free by exerting their fusions to the most.

Steven stares, legs drawn close to him and his arms wrapped around his knees. The shield lays silently at the side. The gems are quietly trying to come up with a plan in a huddled group.

Lars woke up from his nap a while ago, staring against one of the walls. Finally, he gets up to sit near Steven. Steven doesn’t look up, staring at the floor instead; Sometimes he glances over to the shield, instead.

“Soo…” Lars doesn’t really know what to add, and Steven doesn’t react.

“How… do you feel?”

Steven shrugs without looking up. 

“Pretty weird, huh?”

Steven balls his fists, not really sure of why himself. “I guess.”

Lars looks out to the opposite wall. “You know, you remind me a lot of when I was, well… younger. Before you helped me.”

Steven looks up to him now, expecting him to continue.

Lars shrugs a little. “I mean, you’re probably still better, even now, but…” Lars looks at his own hands while he talks. “Quieter, and… afraid, and…” He balls his fists. “kindof, mad at the rest of the world for it?”

Steven looks over at him, unsure. “Well… I mean, I guess you’re not entirely wrong… I’m, scared, and I can’t do anything, and...” Steven looks away, angrily staring at his shield.

“Steven, that’s okay. You’re just, you, and before you start to accept you, that can’t change.” Lars sighs, letting go of his tension. “You taught me that. Well… You taught me that when you were, you.” He corrects.

“How am I supposed to accept-!” Steven’s voice rises, anger tearing through the seams.

Lars’ voice is quieter, calmer. “If you don’t accept how things are, you can’t change them. You can’t pretend to be someone you’re not, whether that’s being whole, or being perfect.”

The last sentence hits Steven somewhere in the chest, and his anger falls like a tower of cards hit at the bottom. The cards scatter and burn like the thoughts and angry wants and wishes in his mind. Down into the ash of a light, powdered pain, and his body releases the tension it was holding into a sob.

He can see Lars shift out of the corner of his vision, but he covers his face with his hands, trying to wipe away the evidence of his pain. He calms down quickly in the quiet, meeting eyes with Lars again. He looks worried. Steven sighs.

“What if they won’t like me anymore, when I’m whole? He… he makes so many mistakes.”

“We will. I think a lot of gems will. I mean, we don’t know entirely what the end result will be, but… you know, you’ll still be Steven. If one of the gems couldn’t have been fixed and stayed rejuvenated, that doesn’t mean we’d abandon them, right?”

Steven responds in a quitened but angry hiss. “But he’s so… you know!”

“What, confident? Smug? Kindof stubborn?”

“He wants to rebuild the empire!”

“I think… he just wants to be in control of the empire. And being a controlfreak is, wellll...”

“Is what?”

“Nothing, just something that sounds familiar.”

Steven gasps, turning to Lars in a jolt. “I’m NOT a control freak!”

Lars raises his hands in front of him, having moved back a bit, talking carefully. “When you’re whole, you tend to be a little… pushy, with helping people.”

Steven stops, realizing he’s hovering over Lars. Pushy. He sinks back to his place. He was going to protest it, but thinking back, he finds plenty of evidence against him.

“You mean well, of course. But you don’t just, get rid of your flaws like that, yknow?”

“I guess…”

Silence falls between them, until Steven speaks up again. “Lars?”

“Yeah?”

“You really think Pink Steven will be more bearable when I’m fused with him?”

“I don’t really know, but I think you two have some figuring out to do.”

“...Yeah. Ah, and, sorry for getting you stuck in space, again. You’re… taking this pretty well.”

“Well… We are in an era of peace, and you did manage to convince him not to hurt anyone. Don’t worry about it, for once. Just worry about you for a bit.”

Steven nods, feeling some of the tension and fear fall from his chest. He’s right. Whatever his other half is doing… the empire stands, right now, and maybe if they fuse, he can understand it again. He could understand the world again. It hurts, but maybe this is all he needs.

He wants to be whole again. More than anything, but fear still pulses at the thought. What if it all goes wrong? What if he will be the one to hurt them while fused? He breathes out, and humms.

_ And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought... _

\---

“Hmm, we have enough food for maybe another day or so…” The worry is apparant in Pearl’s voice as she talks. Steven just nods. 

Pearl tries to give him a reassuring smile before she returns to Amethyst and Garnet, still trying to find a way out by connecting to the circuits undoubtedly within the wall.

Steven helplessly watches her go off. Lars is asleep, curled up in one of the dark corners. 

Steven lays down, tracing the star-shape on his shield absentmindedly. There’s nothing to do and he hates it. If only he could help, but Lars is right. He needs to help himself, first.

Now, if only he knew how.

“Hey!” 

He startles back as Spinel jumps into his sight suddenly. 

He relaxes, and sits up. She jumps into sitting across from him, blocking sight to the rest of the dark prison cell.

“Hey Spinel.” His voice is unsure, and he studies her carefully.

She sighs, deflating a little from her cheerfulness. “Doing anything interesting?”

Steven shrugs, looking down at the shield laying in front of him. “Not really.”

He keeps glancing at her, unsure. Why would she want to talk to him? She got along well with Connie, but…

Spinel doesn’t look like she intends to leave, rather just sits, looking around, sometimes staring at the shield as if trying to find out why he was so interested in it before.

He starts talking, unsure. “Is… everything okay, or why…?”

“Mm, yeah! If you don’t mind me being here-”

“Nono, I don’t mind, it’s just… if you don’t mind  _ me _ being here.”

She tilts her head. “Why would I mind?”

He looks away. “Well, aren’t you still mad about… you know…”

“Oh.” She sounds like she hadn’t thought of that at all, but Steven has his doubts. “Nope.”

“But… Why?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad at Pink. She’s lucky she isn’t around, or else I’d make sure she wouldn’t be around for sure.” Her voice is just as cheerful and happy as before, somehow making her tone even more threatening.

She shrugs. “But why would I be mad at you?”

“But when I was-”

“You were kindof an asshole when you were rejuvenated, sure.” She ignores his shift in face expression at the insult. “But you’re not anymore.”

She looks over to him, seeing his unsure and yet slightly upset face, and continues. “To be fair, I think every rejuvenated gem is kindof an idiot for a while. More so than usual.”

“Hm.” He looks down at the shield, at the star. It reflects the glow of Pearl’s gem illuminating the cell from somewhere on the other side.

Silence stretches between them before he goes on. “Do you think I was… well… ” His voice grows quieter. “...abusive?”

Spinel looks up to the ceiling, thinking. “A little.”

“A little?”

“I mean, yeah. A little. Maybe a medium amount. Why are you so hung up on that anyway?”

“I just...”

Her voice drops down from it’s cheerful tone. “You still feel bad about that?”

“Well, of course I feel bad about it! I hurt you.”

She looks at him with a monotone, annoyed look. “Universe, that was weeks ago. That literally wasn’t you.”

“But you know how  _ he _ acts!”

She shrugs. “I dunno, you had it together pretty well after you came back.”

“Well, yeah, but-”

She cuts him off. “Hokay,  _ listen _ . I’m not mad at you. You’re actually pretty bearable when you’re whole, and the only person I would punch out of orbit is Pink herself. You,” she points to him, “need to learn to let go, and like, worry less about me.”

He sighs. “Everyone says that.”

“Well, they’ve probably got a point then.”

Pearl calls from the other side of the cell. “Spineeel!” As she looks over to them, the light from her gem is focused on them. 

Spinel jumps up, looking back down to Steven. “We’re gonna fix this somehow, don’t worry.”

She starts to make her way to the group of gems. “Comin’!” 


	27. Chapter 27

Sometimes he had a phase, of sorts. A phase in which it felt unbearable. Closing his eyes he saw pink, and opening them he saw pink, as if his body is trying to physically call out to his other half. Trying to pretend it’s here.

He groans, turning to his other side. Sleeping on this floor is awful. Opening one eye, he can see the gems tirelessly making battle plans in a huddled group. 

Right now feels like a bad phase. He squirms, moves, shifts, eventually gets up to pace nervously over the floor.

He stares at his hands. They’re cold. Cold, weak, and tired. He kicks the wall lightly, arms crossed in front of his chest. Why does this have to feel so awful? So empty? So-

His thoughts are cut off when light suddenly floods into the cell.

His head snaps to the entrance, and his body both tenses and relaxes at the same time. He looks at his pink half, and his mind decides he’s done with being the hero. Being the perfect person, being restrained, never making any mistakes. Only doing morally presentable things, all of that.

He’s done. He’s done and he knows he isn’t going to stand for being apart any longer than he has to.

The other gems and Lars move near him, but he doesn’t even notice them. Not until they’re blocking his sight.

Despite their protests, he shoves past them and to his gem-half, standing unmovingly in the doorway. The light is too bright, but he doesn’t care. As he stumbles towards him, weakness overcomes him and he feels himself fall to the ground.

He shivers, then starts to tremble. He tries to get up, standing weakly.

“Steven, are you sure you know what you’re doing?!” Amethyst calls from behind him, but he can barely hear her over the ringing in his head.

Pink Steven’s voice is quiet, but still an empty echo. “Smarter, now?”

“Listen.” Human Steven manages to stand, looking his other half in the eyes firmly. “We compromise. We get rid of the rebellion, or whatever other chaos you were planning, but… however you want.”

“However I want?”

Human Steven clenches his jaw for a moment, then feels his spirits sink, giving up. It doesn’t matter, he just needs to be whole again.

“Rejuvenate them, poof them, bubble them,  _ I don’t care _ . Just…  _ please _ .”

Human Steven reaches out one of his hands, trying to get closer. His counterpart stands unmoving, staring back at him with held breath.

Pink Steven releases his breath, continuing to stare, doing nothing to stop or further his other half’s tries. 

Both of them exchange a glance, and Human Steven gets close enough to wrap his arms around his other half, fingers digging hard into the pink fabric of his jacket.

His other half stands, unmoving for a moment, then seems to relax, almost. 

Pink Steven’s voice is quieter. “That’s not a bad compromise.” It cracks when it speaks, like the soft, silent snap of a twig that’s been bent for too long.

White light engulfs them. Light, connecting both halves into one seamlessly as the other gems watch the two forms flow into one. One familiar, known silouette.

“Steven!” The others cry out as the light fades.

The Steven that stands before them is… different. He’s one, gem in the correct place and turn; Two pairs of eyes however are where there were always one, one pair black and the other pink-diamond-like. Over the otherwise human looking body, small patches of discolored pink are spread, ruining the illusion of a perfect product quickly.

Laughter errupts from this almost new seeming fusion as he wraps his arms around himself desperately, almost as if his halves weren’t close enough yet.

He turns to the group of gems who look on, unsure wether to be happy or scared. He looks at them, amused, suddenly. 

“What? This is what you wanted, ISN’T IT?!”

Not awaiting their answer, Steven pauses, staring at his hands. His face expression shifts, he seems to calm down.

After a moment of tense quiet, he looks up without warning, and pulls a rejuvenator out of his gem in one smooth motion, dissapearing around the corner.

The group of gems call after him, heading out. Once they step outside the cell, Steven is nowhere in sight.

Splitting and spreading out, they go out to find him as quick as possible without panicking.

It doesn’t take long for them to find the main battle. Quartzes, topazes and rubies fill the room to the brim, with a handful of agates and garnets barking orders across the room to them. 

In the midst of the fight, Steven, or the unstable version of him, fights with surprising precision. 

To their great relief, despite swinging the rejuvenator about, he doesn’t hit a single gem with it. In fact, he uses every ounce of precision to cut through their gem weapons with ease without grazing their forms in the slightest.

Once they regroup again, the gems nod to eachother, and join the fight. It quickens the process.

  
  


The last gem drops, caught artfully by Steven’s hand and bubbled for the time being. He sends the bubble off to the main collector room in the palace for the diamonds to deal with later. They’ve already recieved the news of the rebellion, not much so about Steven though.

  
  


The other gems unsurely regroup near him, but he ignores them outright, heading back to the ship in orbit around Homeworld in silence. Pearl calls his name once, but he doesn’t respond.

Remaining alert, they board the ship, ready to head back. 

Tense silence holds everyone in place. Pearl pilots the ship, casting nervous glances over to Steven. Garnet watches him without much emotion. Lars and Spinel both avoid looking at Steven alltogether.

Steven, or the shaky fusion resembling him, stands stiffly inside the ship room, staring outside the window despite nothing to see. He shifts and murmurs something to himself. The gems and Lars glance to him, while Garnet’s stare intensifies. The murmurs fade, and once more, the silence is defeaning.

The ship’s quiet humm as it starts fills the air, doing nothing to ease the worry in the room. Steven clenches his fists. Aware of Garnet’s stare, aware of Pearl’s glances even if she tries to do them when she thinks he isn’t looking, aware of Lars and Spinel refusing to meet his gaze.

Aware, too aware, starting to pace energetically over the room before stopping dead in his tracks. He unballs his fists, breathes, balls them again. The gems don’t dare say a word, but the worry is starting to make them tense, ready to react.

A frustrated, loud groan rips out of the unstable fusion’s throat. He raises one fist, but before it could lodge itself into the ship wall, the light trembles and falls apart.

The others drew back somewhat, now all staring at the two halves that both lay on the floor. Garnet contemplates summoning her gauntlets as Pearl looks away from the ship controls.

“Wait! Wait, come on, we can- we can talk about this.” The human half begged, tired, so, so tired. Weak.

The pink half sat up and then curled in on himself, turning away. “You said enough.” His hollow voice rings through the ship sharply.

The ship humms. The others stare. Space passes by the windows.

Garnet and Spinel finally approach Human Steven, and he gladly takes their help in getting up. He looks over to his other half, clutching his stomach again. He never wanted to feel empty again, and here he is, shaking, gulping, trying to control himself.

“But you’ll… come to earth with us, right?”

“Apparently.” 

The dry response leaves Human Steven to sigh and sit down again. Empty. Tired. Weak.

He hates it, and he can feel the anger starting to brew up, but it was no match for the storm of guilt freezing him in place. He gulps, finally, and crawls over to his other half. Pink Steven doesn’t move, doesn’t respond.

Carefully, afraid to scare him off, Human Steven moves closer until he sits right next to him. He wouldn’t try to fuse again now, not after that… disaster. He takes on the same position as his other half.

Pink Steven gives an annoyed sigh, finally, and moves to sit facing the middle of the ship. Human Steven sits the same way, scooting over so that their sides are brushing.

They head to Earth in uncomfortable silence while the gems keep their gazes and attention glued to Pink Steven, as if expecting him to turn on them any moment.

\---

The gems reluctantly left the two Stevens alone at the beach house, unfortunately, LH was in too much of an uproar and needed the Crystal Gems to calm everyone down.

Pearl came back first, warping in, spear already in hand, expecting a fight. She should’ve never left them alone, even though Human Steven said it would be fine, maybe- what if-

She doesn’t expect Steven to be reading a book. 

Literally… Steven. Technically, all of him, because Pink Steven sat at the table with Human Steven on his lap. Being slightly taller, he can look over his counterpart’s shoulder so they’re both sitting on the same chair and staring at the same page in silence.

They both look up at the same time, making Pearl jolt a little. 

“I uhh, just wanted to check on you… two…?” She puts her spear away, unsure how to react or refer to them. 

The eeriness of the situation is broken as Human Steven smiled at her.

“Oh, hey, Pearl. But, like I said, everything is fine, see?”

“I can see, yes…” The pink eyes still stare at her, face unreadable. Was it curiosity? Hostility? Tension?

He stares back, pink eyes intense.

Human Steven shoves at his other half with his elbow, who looks down on him a little. Human Steven pulls his brows down in scolding, while Pink Steven replies by raising one brow. The human half looks more determined in response, and finally, Pinke Steven rolls his eyes and stares back at the book page.

Pearl isn’t sure what to make of their interaction at all and silently hopes the others will get here soon. Especially Garnet.

\---

The gems sit or stand in the room. The two halves either glance at eachother or at furniture. Garnet fixes her visor, clearly dissatisfied with the results, whatever those were.

“So, have you talked yet.”

Before Human Steven can shyly answer, his pink half cuts in. “Don’t say that like you know what you’re talking about.”

Human Steven gives him a stern look, but Pink Steven ignores him, continuing to talk, staring straight at Garnet. Defiant, stubborn, confident. 

“Unlike some other gems, if our problems could be solved by locking us in a room together, we would have already solved them.”

Garnet hmms. Amethyst tries to look bored, but finds herself constantly looking back to the two halves, while Pearl wills herself to ignore the indirect insult.

Human Steven sighs, getting down from his pink half’s lap and standing on the floor. He wants to say something, but then just lets his shoulders drop and walks over to sit on the sofa.

Pink Steven follows him closely until he sees where they’re headed, and stops.

Human Steven looks back at him as he sits down, the unspoken question hovering in the room. He pats the place on the sofa next to him, but Pink Steven doesn’t react.

Garnet speaks up again, trying to sound softer this time, but still calm and motherly as ever. She gives a small smile, looking at the two Stevens.

“Perhaps it does look like you have something to talk about?”

Pink Steven turns to her sharply. “Perhaps YOU should stop trying to sound like you know everything!”

Pearl gives a small, dismissive sound, but he ignores her. Human Steven stands up and heads to his other half while Pink Steven continues to yell at Garnet.

“You don’t know anything! You’re guessing just like the rest of them! But nooo, the high and mighty Garnet just can’t let a single moment pass without dropping a comment about just how ABOVE all this she is!”

“Stop!” His human half reaches him, trying to cover his mouth with his hand as Pink Steven resists. “You can’t just say all that stuff!”

Pink Steven overpowers him easily, tearing away. “I can say whatever I want!”

“No, you can’t! You have to think about others! How can you be so careless?!”

“ _ I  _ have to think about myself!”

The struggle ends when Pink Steven finally holds his human half at a distance from him. His human half pants from trying to wrestle him down.

“You have to think about more than that!”

“NO, I DON’T! NOT after-” His voice falters, words catching in his throat. 

Instead of finishing, he looks down, balling his fists. Anger. Like stormclouds, high, high in the sky, unreachable, and yet capable of tearing everything apart once they’ve just gathered enough energy.

His pink half looks up, glaring at Steven. 

“Did…!” His voice shook, and he took another moment before it calmed again. “Did they ever apologize for letting us DIE?! Any of them?”

Human Steven seems taken aback. “Wh- It’s not their fault! Everyone was doing what they could. In fact, they were way more patient with you than they should have been!”

He breathed in sharply. Pink Steven could toss meteors, but the mere words that now hung in the air felt like someone had seperated his gem down the middle with a precise cut. He stares at his other half with hostility before answering.

His voice sounds exasperated, almost hysterical. “Okay, hokay, did SPINEL ever apologize to us?!”

“We hurt her too! Besides, she did, I thin-”

“And, let me guess, you just IMMEDIETLY forgave her despite EVERYTHING?!”

“I-”

“OF COURSE YOU DID! Because you’re a FUCKING DOORMAT!!” 

He turns, walks to the door, pauses, adds “And a coward!”, before slamming the door behind him.

Human Steven stands in the middle of the room, expression blank. He feels dizzy. He looks to Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, anyone, for help, but despite their compassionate looks, it’s not right.

He starts towards the door, but Amethyst stops him. “You sure about going after him right now?”

Steven looks at her, confused. “Why?”

“Uh, cause he looks like he’s gonna tear someone apart.”

“I…”

Garnet fixes her visor again. “He might need time to cool down.”

Steven shakes his head. They’re probably right, but something in the back of his mind kept pushing him to go. He lets out a long breath and sinks back onto the couch. 

He speaks up as softly and apologetically as he can. “S-sorry for that, Garnet.”

She doesn’t respond to him, and without realizing it at first, something boils in him for it. Annoyance. Why can’t she just answer him for once? Did she accept the apology? Disapprove of it? Had he done something wrong? What was she thinking?

He stares down at the table in front of him. She just expects him to know. Expects him to understand. He closes his eyes.

His hands feel cold.

And the room feels far, far too empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting AGES to get to this moment, and here it is, finally! Some quality P!Steven and H!Steven interaction!


	28. Chapter 28

Pink Steven walks over the beach. He doesn’t want to be in town, nor does he want to be on this beach. He needs… space. Cold.

He walks up the hill, reaching the top, and stops. A familiar figure sits there, looking over the beach and the ship still positioned there while plucking the strums of an old guitar. Dad. Greg.

Mixed feelings rush through his chest, but he remains where he is, hoping they would go away. Well. He could go find someplace else. Maybe warp somewhere.

Something stops him. He has an idea, but he knows how it will go. But he can just humour it to be proven right, can’t he? So he walks up to the figure, remaining outwardly calm as ever.

He sits down next to Greg and looks at him to be noticed. Greg takes a moment before snapping out of his trance, eyes moving over. Recognition, confusion, unsureness, and finally, surprise all cycle over his face.

Steven sits. Just two or three minutes, he can let himself sit here. To prove himself right, of course. That Greg wouldn’t talk to him. Or, better yet, leave. He’s not his son, after all, right? 

He ignores the sharp cut he feels in his gem, instead digging his fingers into the grass as he sits, leaning back onto his arms.

Silence stretches between them, as Steven had expected. He finds himself side-eyeing his da- Greg constantly. As if his mere presence wouldn’t drive him away already. Or maybe he’d ask him to leave, or just wait for him to leave-

“Hey. Sorry, I’m uhh, not used to seeing… you… like this.” Greg fumbled with the strings as he spoke, but forced himself to look at the pink gem next to him.

Pink Steven looks over at his- at Greg, silent. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.”

His- Greg’s slightly comforting smile falters. Because of course it did. Because this is why things should be right, this is why gems shouldn’t interact with humans, because of this pain, this…!

“Well, you can say if you wanna be left alone. I’m not all that good with gemstuff. Do you… go by Steven, too?”

Why was he talking to him? That’s the one thing he couldn’t understand. Why. Why?

It took him a moment of silence before he answered, voice cold and flat as usual. “They call me Pink Steven.”

“What... do you want to be called?”

It’s not fair. The caring voice, the familiar appearance, the worried but relaxed smile. Greg is a human. He is flawed, deeply, deeply flawed. His appearance is unbalanced, by gem standards even unimaginably ugly. 

But he found himself looking at the blatant imperfections. They’re still imperfections, but somehow, he didn’t want to avert his gaze. No, quite the opposite, he wants to study them, know them, a soft hint of curiosity atop the neutrality.

He shrugs at Greg’s question. “The other option is Pink Diamond.”

“But you… would you be okay with that, like, at all?”

“It’s what I am.”

“...Got any other nicknames yet?”

He realizes with stupor, that, of course, Greg doesn’t want to call him that. Obviously. It’s not about his comfort, it’s about Greg’s comfort. 

Why? Why does he feel so small, so tiny next to a human? So powerless? He could just tip into his anger and get rid of the source of disruption. He doesn’t.

“No.”

“Hmm, well… Steven might get confusing,” Greg choses his words carefully, studying the pink face for emotions or queues, “but as long as it’s just you, would that be okay?”

It’s not FAIR. He should not have any power over- oh to the stars with that. This human is the father of his human half and pretending that isn’t the case is impossible, so he might as well give it up.

He shrugs at Greg’s question before talking, voice sharper even than usual. “Human Steven is in the beach house, so you don’t have to be here. You don’t have to pretend you want to be.”

His dad gives a soft sigh and stands up. There it is, he’ll leave, he will- he’ll-!

Greg must have noticed the minimal amount of panic visible on Steven’s face as he raises both hands to calm him down. 

“Don’t worry.” He sits down next to Steven with only a foot of distance. “Just wanted to sit closer if we’re gonna talk for a while.”

Talk. For a while.

The silence stretches as Greg repositions his guitar.

“So, do you like music?”

Pink Steven pauses, and shrugs. “I haven’t existed for very long yet.”

“Okay, got a favorite you would want to hear?”

He shrugs again, and then so does Greg, placing his guitar at his other side.

This can’t be real. It can’t, because it’s not. How could it be?

“You’re just doing this because I’m part of the Steven you like.” His voice is sharp, rising in volume as he stares at the grass in front of him. “You’re doing this for him.”

“...I just, know that you’re my son, too. In fact, well, you’re… Rose’s part of Steven.”

His quiet and patient answer somehow only makes the emotions Steven is feeling even more complicated. Why would he care about whether Greg yells back or not? He’s just a human that needs to be protected. Protected, he needs to protect them all, fix them all. That’s his purpose.

Rose’s part of Steven. He doesn’t know how that makes him feel. It makes him feel, that’s for sure. He just doesn’t know what. Not even anger, or well, yes, anger, but other things as well. Desperation. Exhaustion. Hurt. Pain.

“I’m not like her.”

He states it before he plans to, looking up from the tuft of grass he’d started ripping at, wanting to see Greg’s reaction.

“Honestly, I feel like I couldn’t tell even if you were. That sounds weird, but… Well, I guess I never knew her all that well.”

“Then how did you love her?” 

Direct as ever, he sees Greg hunch a little at the question. Steven, the full, whole Steven, never asked these kinds of painful questions. But Pink Steven wants to know.

“How?” He let his own, older, wrinkled hand go through the dark, lush grass. “I know that I loved her. The how is more complicated, though.”

Pink Steven doesn’t respond, and Greg exhales, looking up at the sky. Darkness is beginning to creep over the perfect blue. The sun gently touches the horizon.

Greg goes on, taking his guitar back onto his lap to calm himself down while he talks. 

“It’s a lot of things.” He starts, looking to the sunset. “She was a good person, in my eyes. And, well, the past is the past.”

“But you didn’t love her for being perfect.”

Greg lets out a soft, pained laugh, but continues. “No, no. I loved her for wanting to be perfect. Not how that sounds, though. Not fretting or being obsessed. She just… lived, and laughed, but at the same time she wanted to change, more than anything. Change to be... better.”

“Did she?”

“We did have our talks, and-”

“I know, you told me about those but- did she actually change? How? How did she change? I mean, how did she manage that, she was a gem! A diamond…!”

Greg plucks a soft, short melody. “Yeah. I’d say she changed. She really did change. I really do wish I could sometimes ask her how she did it.”

“She went from… from this,” Pink Steven stares at his own hands, “to...”. He trails off, staring at the sunset. 

A habit moves in him, and his emotional tumult takes that habit and starts to scream for it. Without another thought, Steven moves closer to Greg, watching his reaction. He seems calm, so he sighs, ignores his inner protest and moves to hug him tightly.

His dad puts away the guitar, returning the hug warmly. Warmth. Human warmth. 

Greg gives a small sound that breaks the moment, and Steven loosens his grip. Humans are fragile. He can’t forget that.

They sit in silence. He’s given up on understanding the mess of feelings in his chest, his gem, everywhere. They both just sit in silence, and watch the sun set. 

Steven breathes out. For some reason, stars know why, he feels… okay. More okay, right now. In this silent moment.

That thought, too, makes his stomach churn with more emotion. But right now, right here, is too perfect to be disturbed. It’s imperfect as can be, and isn’t finding perfection special, in circumstances like these?

The sky changes hue, from sky blue to gray to purple to black. As stars start to dot the sky, a colder wind blows over the hilltop, giving the air something pleasant.

Steven pulls away and stands up. He looks down at Greg, his habits telling him to express his gratitude somehow, but he stops. Is he grateful? He searches his chest mentally.

Yes, he is. “Thanks.” He says, and Greg looks up with a distant smile.

“Anytime.”

Anytime. Steven will have to think about that.

He enters the beach house to see his other half cooking dinner with pearl. The human turns to him, a carrot and a cutting knife in hand, both startled and worried.

“You’re back! I’m sorry for- huh-” 

Pink Steven didn’t let him finish, instead taking the knife and carrot out of his hands. 

“Humans are fragile.” He states coldly and goes to do whatever his human half had been doing.

“Wh- I’m not that fragile, I can cook!”

He tries to take the knife from the pink gem. Unsurprisingly, his grip is humanly unbreakable.

“Go sit down.”

“You can’t just...!” His human half sighs, resigned, then takes off the apron, tossing it to the side and going to sit down next to Amethyst.

Pearl looks at him unsurely at first, but he silently does what she asks of him and eventually, they wordlessly get along.

As Garnet comes down the stairs, Pink Steven shoots her a glare. She ignores it for the most part as the gems settle down.

Human Steven leaves a space next to him on the sofa, but Pink Steven just stands. Maybe he can pull a chair to the table.

He looks away from the couch, not wanting to look at it for too long before the- the memories, or rather, just the thoughts begin to bother him. He has more important things to focus on.

“Pink Steven?”

He looks over to his human half.

“You gonna sit or not?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He looks at the sofa. Shadows flick over his vision whenever his eyes unfocus. 

“I said no.” He turns to the stairs, taking the first step up.

“But-”

He freezes in place, turning back sharply to his counterpart. 

“I almost fucking died on that couch.”

The room went silent, and he hates it. He hates it so much that he continues up the stairs. 

That’s not what he meant to say, or at least, it’s not entirely true. For one, they both almost died there, technically speaking. Or, even more accurately, he almost lost his human half forever.

Air. He just needs air. Even though he doesn’t, really. He needs space. In both senses.

He doesn’t know what he needs.

No, he does know. He needs Steven. He needs himself. Whole. He needs to be whole. He can’t be whole.

He spends dinner up on the railing, staring out at the night sky, studying the stars until the feelings calm down and he doesn’t see the shadows anymore.


	29. Chapter 29

Steven is done giving his other half space. Well, Human Steven is tired of giving Pink Steven pace. Why can’t they just be whole? Why does he have to be so stubborn?

The morning sun falls through the windows, but Steven ignores it. Human Steven. He has to keep reminding himself he’s just the useless human half.

Pink Steven came into his room last night, content with sitting in the corner and watching Steven sleep. He didn’t come down to breakfast. But now, Human Steven, strengthened with food, continues to stomp up the stairs to his room. They need to talk.

He opens the door to find his room empty. Great.

Walking about, he notices a light coming from the dome, so he makes his way there. There’s only so many people who could be up there.

Pink Steven stands at the pink computer, operating it. He doesn’t look up when his other half enters. 

“Pink Steven?” The words still sound weird in his mouth.

The gem doesn’t answer, continuing to flick through screens and type in information.

A hint of suspicion seeps into Steven’s voice. He really doesn’t want to fight his other half again, or go to Homeworld. Ever. “....What are you doing?”

“Fixing the rebellion mess.”

Human Steven walks up next to his counterpart, looking to the screens. He distantly remembers knowing the basics of gemglyph, but the writing flickers too fast and is structured too complicated for him to know much of what is going on.

He bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to fumble with his hands. The words are on his tongue, he just needs to push them out. He takes a breath. “We need to talk.”

“About what.” Pink Steven answers flatly without missing a beat, entirely unbothered and continuing his work.

How can they be so different? How did this ever work?

Human Steven hunches his shoulders a little. Despite the words being out, his nervousness isn’t fading. Instead it creeps through his entire body, making his hands cold and turning in his stomach.

Coward. The word hollows him out from the inside, sitting like an unwanted parasite and creeping into every thought. 

No. He has to focus. If only he weren’t so afraid. So… terrified. If only he still had his-

Oh. 

If only he were still whole, then this would be a breeze; His fears would turn to a careful approach, balanced against the fearless side of his gem.

But he’s not whole. And his other half is standing agonizingly close and appears worlds more interested in whatever he’s doing on the computer.

“Do you- do you even care?” His voice cracks at the end, only adding to the fragility he feels, only adding to the lowering feelings in his chest.

“I do. Why would I not?”

He didn’t even look up. Human Steven lets out an annoyed sigh. “Well it doesn’t look like it.”

“Who cares what it looks like?”

He looks taken aback, anger boiling in his chest. “ _ I  _ do!”

His pink half looks over to him. He looks down, being a head taller.

Human Steven crosses his arms in front of his chest when he has to look up, emotions pushing out the fear. “Since when are you taller than me, anyway? And why?”

“Because I wanted to be.”

“But I’m not that tall!”

“So?” Pink Steven keeps a calm tone while looking down. Suddenly his face changes, voice dripping with hostility. “I don’t  _ exist _ for  _ you _ . To be your...  _ upgrade! _ ”

“Th-that’s… that’s not what I meant.” Human Steven takes a step back, trying to rectify the situation, but indecison and nervousness quickly cloud his mind, unable to continue.

“You don’t wear the jacket anymore, or the flip flops, or the star, either.”

Perhaps if he weren’t so unsure, he wouldn’t feel the need to defend himself and would have focused on fixing their conversation. Instead he feels he has to prove him wrong.

“Well- well people were making fun of me for it!”

“Who?”

He calms a bit, looking away and grumbeling. “...People.”

“Nobody important, I take it.”

Emotion rises up again, cracking his voice. “What does that matter?!”

“Who cares about what some people say?”

“I do!”

“That’s your whole problem.”

“Problem? That’s YOUR problem. You don’t care at all! It’s no wonder they don’t like you!”

Human Steven flinches back from his own words after realizing what he just said, covering his mouth with his hands.

His other half looks unmoved at first, staring back at him. Silence stands still between them, seperating them. They might as well be lightyears away.

His human half doesn’t dare speak, and the pink half understands somewhere deep in himself that there’s nothing he could say.

Fear. He has to push through it, one way or another. How did he do it before? He knows what he wants to say, he just needs to say it… 

Pain. Dull, silent and looming. Patience, when did he loose his patience? Did he loose his patience first, or did the pain make him loose patience?

“I’m sorry.” His human half manages to blurt out, pushing past his embaressment and fear, trying not to glance to the door of the dome. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

His pink half stands unmoving for another moment before powering down the computer.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna… go read a book?”

“...Okay.”

\---

Town is mostly quietly accepting of the new phenomenon. Steven, the human one that is, explained to the best of his abilities that they’re something of a split permafusion, but they’d fuse back eventually.

Gems from LH tend to be more careful, unsure who to ask for what. They quickly realize that treating the two living beings as if there were one doesn’t work, so for the most part, they leave them alone.

No human has spoken to them yet, and the two Stevens both share the sneaking suspicion that they will react worse, so they wordlessly stay out of town.

That, however, can’t last forever.

They both make their way through the streets of Beach City. The few humans around look after them with curiosity, but nobody interacts with them. They glance at eachother. So far so good.

A few more humans they need to pass. They make their way over the beach until a loud gasp stops them.

They both turn at the exact same time. Human Steven’s face falls, while Pink Steven narrows his eyes.

Ronaldo.

Before Pink Steven could just turn and go to ignore him, Human Steven already made eye contact. Pink rolls his eyes and reluctantly turns back, still scanning the beach for anything to help them.

“Oh, uhh, hey, Ronaldo…”

“STEVEN! Who is this? Is this you from the future? Is that your ghost? Your SOUL?!”

“Uhh, eheh, not really...”

“Well, what is it! Tell me everything!”

Steven did absolutely not feel like telling him anything.

Pink manages to finally find what he was looking for: The gems. He throws a sharp look to Pearl, who notices the group of three and starts to walk over, closely followed by Amethyst and Garnet.

“Or, wait, it’s your soul incarnated as a ghost that died in an alternate timeline in the future and-”

Before he could go on, Pearl cut him off. “Thaaat’s enough, we need Steven for a very, very important mission, interviews later.”

“Oh my gosh! You changed your appearance! How? I thought rock people were solid!”

Pearl’s face falls at his commentary and she looks over to Garnet for help, who shrugs.

Pink Steven wonders why he ever thought they’d be useful and turns to Ronaldo himself with his typical, intense stare.

“Fuck off.”

Pearl looks over at him, both offended, shocked and scolding. “Steven! Language!”

Pink’s voice is mocking when he responds. “Oh, sorry.” He turns back to Ronaldo with even more hostility than before. “Fuck off before I punch you into low orbit.”

Pearl gasps for air trying to find the right words to respond with, unable to form full words while Amethyst snorts, trying to cover her mouth with her hands so she doesn’t burst out laughing.

Ronaldo points at Pink Steven and mutters something about rock people before scrambling off. 

Human Steven is doing his absolute best not to grin, but glancing at Amethyst they suddenly both burst out laughing.

Pearl glares down at Pink Steven, who shrugs calmly. “What? I made him leave.”

He does his utmost best to not crack a smile himself, watching his human half and Amethyst laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wops, missed a day, but I hope this was enjoyable anyway!
> 
> gonna be honest, was THIS close to just deleting the whole ronaldo part, but i felt like i needed to emphazise P!Steven and H!Steven's differences in what he wants to do and what he thinks he should do/is too polite not to do.


	30. Chapter 30

“So you messed up with her and you’re too scared to talk to her? Really?”

Human Steven turns away from his other half, trying to focus on the video game in front of him. “I guess.”

“Steven, this is Connie.  _ Connie _ .  _ How _ did you mess that up?”

His human half shrugs, not wanting to meet his gaze. “I might’ve… been drunk, and said things I shouldn’t have. Well, no, that sounds worse than it was, more like… I told her my mind and she probably thinks I’m mad at her too.”

“How long have you two not talked?”

Human Steven doesn’t answer. The quiet, upbeat music of the game fills the silence, and Pink Steven gets up from the floor.

“I’m gonna go talk to her.”

“Wait! Wait, but what if she really is mad? We haven’t been in touch for so long and-”

“I’m going alone then.”

With that, Pink Steven walks out of his room. 

Human Steven calls out “Be careful!”, pausing his game, nervously listening to his other half leave. He’s too terrified to go with, and it’s not like he could stop him.

He just dearly hopes it won’t be the disaster his head is trying to imagine it being.   
  
  


Pink Steven stands in front of the door and rings the bell, counting to three. Mrs Maheshwaren once taught him how long it had to be rung, but when they’re together, they tend to be too focused on meeting Connie to care.

He steps back and waits. Judging by how long it takes until the door is open, standing on the other side is not Connie’s mother, but Connie herself.

She stands frozen for a moment, then blinks, then her eyes fall onto the exposed gemstone before going back up to the two pink diamond eyes.

Pink Steven blinks as well, snapping out of the strange trance he was in. “Hi, Connie.”

“You’re back… from space? Where’s, uhh...”

“Home. I’m here to fix his screw-up because he, unsurprisingly, insisted on being a coward.”

Connie studiess him for another moment. “Isn’t… You’re two halves, so isn’t insulting him kindof like insulting yourself?”

He opens his mouth to respond before stopping and closing it, looking away before regaining his composure. “Well, he hasn’t been talking to you, so I’m here to fix it.”

Some kind of doubt crosses her face. “...You don’t even know what happened, do you?”

“I-” His words caught in his throat again and he closes his mouth. She’s not wrong.

He regains his composure, lifting his chin a little. With his new form, he’s taller than her now, and he smooths his voice. “I hope you won’t mind telling me.” 

Connie raises a brow at him before sighing. “Alright, alright. Come in, I guess.”

He steps inside, taking note of the house. Nothing much has changed, and he waits until Connie closes the door behind him and heads inside to follow her.

She goes to sit down on the livingroom couch, and Steven grabs a chair from the kitchen to sit down on. She looks at him, but doesn’t comment, curiously following his movements and his face.

She sits with her legs crossed, unable to look away from the glowing pink form.

“So… are you two… okay?”

He thought he’d prepared himself already after being thrown off, but the question catches him off-guard again. “Hm?”

“You know, with the...” Connie gestures vaguely to him.

“We’re not dying.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

He goes quiet, blinks, looks around, then to his own hands. He sighs, finally. “Stop doing that.”

She has an amused smile when he looks up at her again. “Doing what?”

“You… You keep...” He trails off, unsure how to put it. Breaking his confidence? Ridding of the illusion that he knows what he’s doing? Sassing him? None of that really feels accurate enough.

She lets out a soft, amused laugh. “Steven, I  _ know _ you.”

He looks back at her, and to his dismay he can feel his face change color. His other half was right. Connie is something they need to face together. Dammit.

He looks down again. “Fine.” Then, softening his voice as he could, “I’m sorry for my idiot other half, he’s too scared to talk to you.”

Connie smiles for a moment more before sighing, tired. “I honestly thought he was mad at me, too, I mean…” She trails off, then focuses again to tell him what happened. 

“I started kindof avoiding him but he never said anything, and then I was supposed to stay at Sadie’s place because my parents were both out for the whole night and… Steven told me he noticed, but… I think I hurt him with doing that, but at the same time, I don’t know how to be around people who had alcohol, I never see that kind of thing! But I just let him storm out and wouldn’t talk to him right there and now he probably thinks I don’t like him anymore.”

“Why were you avoiding him?”

“It’s just… everyone was trying so hard to act like he’s right there, when he… wasn’t. I mean, you’re not him either, but… you’re not pretending to be. Or, at least, you’re not expecting from me to act the same as before. Or maybe I just… Maybe I just felt bad because of what happened.”

He looks at her, trying to process everything she said, so she goes on. “Sorry for all that, it’s just… I miss him, you know?”

Something deep in his gem moves at the statement and his feelings once more break down all fences and walls and go haywire. He doesn’t let it show, or at least, he thinks it doesn’t show.

Think, Steven, think. What would his other half say? Come on. Be nice for one minute. Think of Connie. “I, um… don’t… be sorry for talking. That’s what I came here for.”

“Well, I don’t want to force anything either, of course, and… maybe it was a bit immature of me to avoid him like that, too. But he did it as well, and I still… feel like… when you were whole, I could’ve helped you, if you had only let me.” The last part comes out more quiet, more careful.

“We… were in turmoil for a long time.”

“Why didn’t you come talk to me, or the gems? Or anyone?”

“He… didn’t let me. Although, I didn’t want to talk, I wanted to… fix things differently.” He perks up, suddenly. “Ah, I’m talking about myself- I do that. He’s better at that.”

“No, no. It’s okay. You’re a really good listener.”

A good listener. More color on his face changes, and he places one hand on his face to partially cover it. Some habit in him tells him to go, to run away from these feelngs, this vulnerability. But that’s what she did. And then it’s what he did, too.

Although he wants to run… that’s not what he came here for. He breathes out, and suddenly dearly wishes he were whole. Sure, his other half would want to run, too, but at least he’d know what to say.

“So, weird question, but…” 

Pink Steven looks up at her, waiting for her to finish.

“What’s the difference between you two?”

“I’m a gem, inorganic, fearless, logical. I have a purpose. To protect, to guide, to fix and defend. He’s… human. Organic, directionless, but kinder.” He remembers that his other half did manage to drive Connie away. “Emotionally different.” He corrects.

“I know you need eachother, but… do you  _ want _ to need eachother?”

“Yes.” He answers before he can think over why.

“So why aren’t you back together yet? I mean…”

“We…” How does he explain this? The fights, the leftover resentment, the stubborness... “Have… talking to do.”

“Ah, yeah…”

They both go quiet until Steven speaks up again, carefully placing his hand back on his lap from his face. “You’re treating me like a real person.” He states.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

He goes quiet, and she goes on, more careful. “Do the others make you feel like that? Like you’re… not… a person of your own?”

“I’m not. But...”

“But do you… want to be treated that way?”

“I… “ Frustration builds in him and he groans holding his head with both hands, voice suddenly louder, broken out of the monotone default. “I don’t know, he’s always the one dealing with feelings!” He breathes out, lets his hands fall back down, and goes on quietly. “...maybe we both should have been dealing with them.”

He looks back at her, the flood of emotion once more invisible. “I turned all this into something about me. I’m sorry.”

The flat, direct voice only underlined the honesty in the apology, and Connie just shook her head. “I wanted to help you from the start. So, whatever was… if your other half is ready to, maybe we can all talk again? And you can let me help you?”

“We have training tomorrow. They still want him to learn to hold a shield.” 

He knows once he’s done talking that he should’ve asked more, or whether she really is free tomorrow, or at least been softer about it. But he also knows where that feeling comes from.

Connie overgoes the bluntness, focusing instead on what to do now. “Hmm, when? If it’s in the afternoon, I might make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats while my buffer runs out*


	31. Chapter 31

“The others are getting worried about me.”

Pink Steven looks up from the doorframe he’s sitting in. “Who?”

Human Steven sighs, laying in bed, tossing his phone away. “My human friends.”

“Which human friends.”

“You know, the cool kids? Jenny, Sour Cream, Lars, Sadie… Oh rght, I didn’t talk about it yet. They’re helping me relearn the guitar, and I help them write songs for their band.”

It feels odd to have to say what happened. They both share the same memories, and it puts a slight sting in Steven’s chest to think that his gem half wasn’t there for any of music practice.

Pink Steven shrugs. “What do they want?”

“We meet once a week, and it’s been three weeks, and… you know, we don’t go into town, really.”

“I know.”

“So… they’re worried.”

“And you want to meet them.”

“Yeah.”

Pink pauses for a moment.

“When?”

  
  
  


Thankfully, not enough people are out at night for anybody significant to spot them. Pink Steven walks behind his human half. His purpose is to protect him and not loose him. That is all.

Well, he also insists on carring the guitar and the sleepover bag. No need to strain the more fragile of them any more than neccessary. Human Steven protested. Sadly, or luckily, his protest went unheard.

They approach the house, Pink Steven trailing behind to keep a careful eye on the surroundings as well. Pearl off-handedly mentioned his human half getting hurt while he was alone. All the more reason to be careful.

After ringing the doorbell, Lars opens the door and pauses, blinking. Used to gems, he catches himself relatively quickly, stepping aside to let both Stevens inside, leading them to the basement.

Music equipment, cables, electronics and snacks are spread out around the room. Sadie is helping Jenny tune a guitar, but they both look up when the two Stevens walk in.

Human Steven clears his throat, speaking up. “This uh, is my gem half? It’s kinda complicated, um, he’s just gonna stick around for now, if that’s okay?”

Pink Steven threw him a look at the part ‘if that’s okay’, implying to the others his disagreement about that statement. He would be Steven’s shadow no matter where he goes or who allows it.

Jenny shrugs a little, mostly curiously looking at the pink form. “Sure.”

Both their eyes are glued to the two as they sit down. Pink Steven stares back until they avert their eyes, focusing on the guitar again while Human Steven sighs softly behind him.

Pink Steven remains silent. It’s easy to pretend he isn’t there as Human Steven talks to the others. Occasionally, Pink Steven would pick up the plastic packaging of food that his other half is eating and read through the ingredients, just to be sure.

The phenomenon wasn’t going to go unspoken of, however, and Lars is the first one to speak up about it. As soon as Human Steven had to go to the bathroom, unwilling to take his other half with him, Lars clears his throat. 

“So, Gem Steven, you don’t need to eat, yeah?”

Lars knows gems typically don’t eat quite well, but the conversation starter works nonetheless. Pink Steven looks up from the bottle of juice he was reading up on. 

“I don’t.”

“So you guys are just gonna stay like this?”

Pink Steven shrugs, putting the orange carton down. He looks over the table. He’s read through everything at this point.

Lars watches him, unsure whether to go on or not, so Pink Steven looks up at him to ease the tension.

“We will fuse back in time, probably.”

“Oh!” Lars relaxes a little as if it all makes much more sense now. “So you’re like, a perma-fusion?”

“What do you know about permafusions?” Pink Steven didn’t want to come across as hostile, but the moment the words left his mouth he already knows it’s too late to take them back. 

Lars shrugs it off. “I have a couple gems I’m friends with who are permafusions. Is there… anything we can help with?”

“Oh, right.” He blinks. “Help with?”

“Yeah, I mean, if there’s anything bothering you two we can help you work it out? If you want to, that is.”

Pink Steven doesn’t know how to respond, thinking for a moment. “Well. I don’t think… we see eye to eye on how we… feel about eachother?”

His voice grows unsure, but Lars’ gaze remains calm and attentive. It feels vulnerable. At the same time, maybe Lars  _ can _ help.

“He says he wants to fuse back, but it’s only talk, and… I don’t think… ” He notices Jenny looking over as well now, but pushes himself to go on. “I don’t think he gets that I want to, as well. In a way. I’m protecting him but, it’s just...”

Jenny chimes in once he falls quiet. “Frustrating because he doesn’t get how you feel?”

He nods to her. Jenny gives him a small smile, the chair squeaking underneath her as she readjusts herself to face him better. “Reminds me of me and my sis. For the longest time, we like, really thought we didn’t like eachother, till we got that we just express ourselves differently.”

Human Steven walks back downstairs, stopping after a few steps once he sees everyone staring at him. “Um…? Everything okay?”

Jenny thinks for a moment, then perks up. “Yeah! Steven, come sit down too.”

“Okay?” Human Steven goes to sit beside his other half again, who isn’t meeting his gaze.

Jenny goes on. “So, like I said, I think you two just express your feelings in a different way. Actions versus words, you know?”

The two Stevens look at her with similar looks on their faces. Had one not been more gem-like, they’d look like identical clones.

“So, me and my sis thought we hated eachother, and after we had a fight, she decided to tell dad that she would be doing my chores for the week! And I asked her why, and she said it’s cause she wanted to make up for it. Even though I always thought she was just doing it for praise or something.” 

Jenny makes a hand gesture as she continues. “But she was doing it for me, yknow? Can you imagine how emotional she got when I decided to help her with the chores anyway? She was like, near tears! Cause for her, actions are so much more important than words. It was like me telling her, hey, I love you, sis.”

Lars nods along before glancing between the two Stevens. “Maybe you guys just need to figure out what you actually do for eachother? Maybe without even noticing? I don’t know if it fixes anything, but it could help.”

Pink Steven speaks up first, lifting his chin a little as he talks. “Well, I obviously spend literally my entite time on earth, next to Steven, protecting him, healing him, keeping people off his back, communicating with Homeworld so he doesn’t have to, and-”

“I thought you like communicating with Homeworld?”

“Well, yes, but I’m doing it your way.”

“I, well…” Human Steven looks down, clearing his throat a little and taking a breath. “I always try to make sure you’re okay with what we’re doing, and if you feel okay, but… you won’t talk to me? And that makes it really hard to guess what you’re thinking.”

Jenny crosses her arms in front of her chest and leans back a bit, whispering to Lars so she doesn’t disturb the two Stevens. “See? That’s exactly what I mean.”

“If I need to do anything, I’ll just do it.”

“Well, yeah, but I know it’s not always that easy. But, if you don’t want to talk a lot, that’s okay too! I can just… talk more? A-and… try to balance that out. I don’t want to push.”

Pink Steven lets out a breath, facing his other half more now, talking quieter. “You’re trying to take care of my emotions, and I’m trying to take care of you physically, but… I think you need the opposite? No, I know you do, but...” He looks down. “I don’t know how to take care of your emotions. I can’t even take care of mine.”

Human Steven places one hand on his other half’s hunched shoulders. “That’s… okay. I can take care of me, and I don’t think I’ve ever really said that… it means a lot to me that you’re just trying, you know? Because it’s not always clear when you’re really trying to be better, but… I think I need to remind myself of that more often, too.”

He takes a deep breath, smiling a bit, going on. “And maybe I just need to focus more on how much physicality means to you?” His smile falters a little as he goes on. “Since I‘ve been just me, touch feels so different. Kindof… hollow? It felt better when we were… Us.”

Pink Steven stares back at him, unsure how to feel. At the same time, it feels a little better. “Yeah.” He says quietly. “It did.” 

The unspoken question on why they don’t just fuse back now suddenly weighs heavily on his shoulders, and he looks away. “I just...” He trails off, then looks back at his other half. “Everything that happened, I...” His voice cracks, uncharacteristic in tone.

“Wanna… go outside to catch a breath?”

Pink Steven nods.

Cool night air washes around them when they step outside. Pink Steven looks over to his other half, trying to sense if the temperature might be just a bit too cold. As long as he focuses on those problems, he doesn’t need to think of his own.

They sit down on the pavement, long cold despite having been warm during the day. Eventually, though, the sun will rise, in a few hours, and warm it up once more.

Pink Steven breathes out, still insistant on doing so despite not needing to. But it grounds him, reminds him of a time where everything made a lot more sense.

He has to talk. He knows he does, as they both sit in silence and stare at the sky. It’s difficult. He breathes again. Maybe he can start with that.

“It’s… not easy.”

Human Steven replies softly, looking over. “I know.”

Where would he even start? “I… Spinel, she’s still… out there.”

“Yeah.” Human Steven’s voice sounds a bit solemn, but it quickly cheers. “She’s doing a lot better, though.”

“But…” His voice rises, pain mixed into the protest. “But I’m not doing better!” 

They both look at eachother and Pink Steven breathes out again. “She- she almost killed us, Steven...”

“I know… But what can we do? We can’t get mad at her now.”

“But… but what about being mad in general? I know I tend to be a bit… extreme, but… it doesn’t have to hurt anyone. If she can get mad, why can’t we?”

“We can, it just…” Human Steven quietens. “It feels so bad…”

“I know. It feels wrong.”

“Guilty.”

“Unjust.” Pink Steven looks to the sky, to the pulsing star that is Homeworld. “But it’s not.”

Silence stretches between them. Eventually, his human half speaks up again. “You think… we can be okay again, eventually?”

“Yeah.” Pink Steven breathes out one last time, his chest feeling a little lighter. It doesn’t have to be now. “Eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, proobably a little break of a few days follows while I finish writing, but at minimum 3 more chapters are there!


	32. Chapter 32

Winds hurl over Beach City, the storm that has been brewing for days finally beginning to unleash upon the small coast town. The two Stevens walk next to eachother. They should be fine in the house.

Pink Steven glares at his surroundngs with intensity, as if daring nature to try and so much as disturb his other half in any way. 

Waves crash loudly onto the beach in the distance as they pass the forest. Human Steven looks around with interest, but keeps up his other half’s pace.

Loud thunder makes him stop for a moment, turning away from the wind as it tries to shove at them with little avail. Pink Steven reaches out a hand to place on his other half until he sees where he’s looking at.

Something moves in the light undergrowth, giving off a quiet noise, while the tree above sways dangerously. 

Pink Steven darts for the noise, his shield up just in time as a large branch crashes down on top of him. Human Steven stands in shock as the branch falls to the side to reveal Pink Steven gently holding an elderly cat in his arms.

“You saved it…!”

Pink Steven can see the stars in his other half’s eyes and keeps walking, looking away shyly. “Let’s just get back as quick as we can.”   
  


Pink Steven closes the door behind him with a foot. The frail, fluffy cat purrs in his arms like there’s no tomorrow, and Human Steven quickly rushes inside to get a blanket and a flat bowl of water.

Just as they finish settling the cat down, carefully petting it after it had some water while it still lays contently in Pink Steven’s arms, the gems warp in.

Pearl sees the two Stevens and relief washes over her. “Steven! We were worried about you, we told you to wait for us before you went home!”

“Pearl’s right.” Garnet goes on. Before she can say anything more, though, the gems seem to realize that neither of the Stevens are particularly listening because they’re too focused on the happy cat purring like it’s in heaven.

The gems glance between eachother, and Pearl sighs. “We can talk to them about the storm later.”

Amethyst heads over to look at the cat as well, watching them petting it. “Woah, you guys just found her? What’s her name?”

Human Steven looks up. “I think we should call her cloud. She’s really soft! And cute! Isn’t that right, huh cloudy cloud?” He scratches her ear and the cat moves her head back a bit in compliance.

Pink Steven carefully trails his hand over the cats back, feeling every single old hair beneath his fingers, and the way the flesh underneath has seen better days. 

“What do you think, Pink Steven? Isn’t she adorable?”

“It’s so… fascinating.” His voice is breathy, filled with emotion as he talks without paying anyone but the cat any attention. 

“Even though she must only have only a few years left to live and she was caught outside in that storm with no help, even though all these thin scars beneath her fur must have been awful, this living, breathing being is here, and just, so… happy, and content, in a way that we all strive to be, and yet, never seem to be able to achieve. We wish to have what she has, but... without the scars. But we can't.”

The room is silent, and Pearl smiles at them both, a reminiscent but content smile on her face. Human Steven looks at the cat with wonder now, and Cloud happily shifts to show her side.

Pink Steven blinks when his vision is slightly blurry, and a smalle smile rests on his face.

\---

The pink room lays calm and serene, soft clouds building to the sky as far as the eye can reach. The two Stevens step into the midst of the calmness as the door dissapears behind them.

Human Steven leads his other half by the hand and they both sit down, facing eachother.

Pink Steven already knows what this will be about, looking around the scenery.

“Hokay.” Human Steven nods to his other half. “Now, we can… talk.”

Pink Steven takes a deep breath, then releases it. “Yeah.”

“So… About Spinel, for example.”

They’re both quiet for a moment before his gem half answers, pushing past his awkwardness. “It’s not that I’m that mad at her specifically, but...”

“But?”

“I dunno, I don’t want you to force us to pretend to be all buddy-buddy with her now, just because it’s beneficial for her. She has to learn that there’s consequences to what she does, too.”

Human Steven bites his tongue so he doesn’t blurt out the first thing he can think of, and breathes in and out himself. He has to think, and try to understand. “Yeah.”

“I know you think it’s not her fault.”

“Well, it isn’t!”

“It isn’t her fault for getting hurt. But it’s also not our fault for getting hurt.”

“I- well- yeah. No, yeah, you’re right.”

Silence. Human Steven speaks up again. “How… did it… hurt you?”

Pink Steven looks away, fumbeling with his hands for a moment in nervousness. “Those hours, days on… on the couch, I… I thought… ” His voice cracked. “I know you don’t remember much because you were blacked out for most of it, but I thought… I was going to die.” Water stands in his eyes and he hates it, trying to blink it back.

“It’s okay.” His human half moves to sit next to him, and he lets his taller half lean on him and wrap his arms around him tightly.

“And then I- I did all those awful things, I thought, if I could take on Homeworld’s perspective, it could… hurt less.”

“Yeah…”

“It didn’t. It hurt more.”

Human Steven ignores the urge to move as the pink arms hug him tighter. He can stand the feeling if it means he gets to help.

Pink Steven goes on, shutting his eyes tightly. “It felt like you hated me.”

“Yeah, I... I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I’m sorry for… putting everyone in danger.”

“Are you still mad at Bismuth?”

“I was, but… not really, anymore. Just mad at… myself.”

“I get that.”

“...Yeah.”

Pink Steven sniffs and finally releases his other half from the hug, now realizing it was probably too tight. And his other half probably didn’t complain about it on purpose.

“What about you?”

Human Steven tries to smile a little, but it falters quickly. It feels forced. “I didn’t want people to think I’m like the other dimonds! It felt so bad to remember that I hurt them when I was rejuvenated, and, and now we’re different than before? And I just… wanted to catch a break, but I think it’s all my fault anyway.”

“No, it’s not. We both need to do differently.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. We… This is who we are. We’re short-tempered with ourselves, but patient with others.” He squeezes his hug tighter again. “We need to let go, too. Both. But we also need to accept.”

“Accept what?”

“That we’re a diamond.”

“I don’t want to be like them.”

“We don’t have to be. We just need to be us. But we’re strong, and we’re important, and powerful.”

Human Steven tenses up. Powerful is what you tend to call bad people. People who are capable of causing harm to others, but he breathes out. It doesn’t have to be like that. He relaxes, and finally, nods.

They stay there for a while, continuing to talk about everything that happened while the other half wasn’t around. 

Warm, pleasant rain starts to fall from the pink clouds, and neither of the two bother to shield themselves from it.

\--

Later that day they finish setting things up for Cloud and spend hours introducing her to Cat Steven, bit by bit, only to find Cloud purring at the younger cat when they fall asleep next to eachother. 

She’ll make a nice addition to the little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we go on!! Chapter amount is set now!


	33. Chapter 33

Human Steven takes a deep breath, trying to form the words right. The three gems sit patiently, wondering what all this is about. Pink Steven is nowhere in sight.

“Okay, so… Um, I know the whole split thing is weird, but I talked to Pink Steven, and… How do I put this...”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Just spit it out dude, we can take it.”

“He doesn’t feel like you… treat him like a real person?”

Amethyst sits up. “Whaat? Why?”

“I mean, he’s more than just my powers, he’s… a part of Steven, you know?”

Garnet hmms. “I see. That makes sense.”

Pearl looks at him quizzically. “But, we haven’t been doing anything any differently, have we?”

Amethyst shrugs at her, but Garnet places one hand on each of their shoulders. “If that’s how we made a part of Steven feel, then that’s how it is. But we can do better.”

The other two gems think, then nod to eachother. Pearl looks up at her with determination. “You’re right, Garnet.”

“Alright!” Amethyst punches the air, grinning excitedly. “Mission get along with Pink Ste-man is a go?”

Garnet smiles. “Indeed it is.”

Human Steven lets out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, guys.”

\---

“Pearl?”

Pearl looks up from her phone to see Pink Steven standing in front of her. Last she knew, they had both been in their room playing video games.

“I have a few questions. For you.” He sighs internally at himself. He’ll never have the more gentle approach of his other half.

“Oh. Certainly. What is it?”

“Do you… miss Homeworld? Space? The stars?”

“Uhm… which Homeworld?”

“Either of them?”

“Well, I… “ She looks away, trying to make sure her answer doesn’t come off wrong. How does she put this? She has to be honest. Above all else.

She clears her throat a bit, and when she speaks, her voice is calmer. “Homeworld… has always been the center of the Empire, and gems are programmed to feel… something for it.”

“Do you?”

“Well, let’s put it like this. The Homeworld I used to think of and, maybe even used to miss, was… not real. I mean, I was there, obviously, but Homeworld never was perfect. It hurt a lot of gems, and I certainly don’t miss that. At the same time, it was supposed to be a gem’s dream: Precise, effective, colorful, geometrically abstracted, categorized - in one word - perfect.”

Pink Steven looks at her, following her small hand gestures with focused pink eyes, the diamonds in them attentive and interested. 

Pearl smiles a little seeing his curiosity. “The new Homeworld is a lot brighter, than before. Sure, it’s not as effective or powerful anymore. But I think seeing gems being themselves and being happy there is worth a lot more than polished floors and idealized, objectified living beings that need to pretend to be something they’re not, don’t you think?”

Pink Steven looks down at his hands. “Yeah… yeah. I get that.”

“Well, I do still visit sometimes, though.”

He looks up at her. “Is it… satisfying?”

“A lot has changed. And I get to walk through the halls I know and remind myself that… it’s changed for the better.” She lets out a small, nostalgic chuckle as she goes on. “Then I remember, Earth is even better than that, than perfection, or sparkly decorations... It’s home. Moreso, it’s a home that we chose is worth fighting for.”

\---

Amethyst stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the pink version of Steven sitting on the sand, staring out into the sky. Caught mid shoving a fry into her mouth, she thinks for a moment, then tosses the fry in and goes to sit near him.

“Hey there.” She does what she can to sound her casual cheerful self, and the pink gem acknowledges her with a short look, but doesn’t answer.

“Sooo. You and Connie get along, yeah?”

He nods.

“Just relaxing, watching the sunset? Pretty, isn’t?”

He shrugs.

  
  
  


Amethyst thinks, then manages to somehow gather her last bit of cheerfulness and try again. “Oh, and, hey, have you tried eating as a gem yet? It’s super weird, but also cool, and then later you can compare when you’re fused again?”

He doesn’t react to her, and she deflates a bit, staring out into the sky. Cold silence lies between them.

She doesn’t want to, but at the same time she remembers Steven’s request to her. It’s the least she can do, and she does want to help.

“Anything I did to… set you off, or do you just want some alone time?”

Pink Steven stares at the sand, running his hand through it. “Not much.”

“Not much? Come on, you gotta talk to me.”

The hand grasps tighter into the sand.

“I don’t have to.”

“I- Well- No, but… if you wanna feel better… Right, yeah. I guess I tend to push.” She tries a small half-smile. “Guess I know where I got that from, eh?”

He goes on, quieter than before. “You got a lot more mature.”

“Really? Yeah, I guess so… I try.”

“Feels like you left me behind.”

Amethyst stops, blinks. “What?”

Pink Steven sighs, annoyed. “Ugh, you know what I mean.”

“No? You saved the galaxy!”

His voice rises steadily. “You’re not having anger outbursts, though! Or yelling at the other gems, or messng everything up, and I just… am, sometimes.”

“Woah, woah. I still yell sometimes.”

“Yeah, but- you’re a lot more mature than me now.”

“Steven…”

“You’re even here trying to make me feel better, even though you don’t want to be!”

“I do want to make you feel better!”

“But you don’t want to be here!”

“Yes, I do! Because I wanna help you, Steven.” She lets out a sigh and lowers her voice. “It’s what you always did for me, and I never really got it until I started doing it too, you know? How much you really tried.”

He grows quiet as well, pulling his shoulders up and wrapping his arms around his legs.

Amethyst watches him move, then leans foreward to still be able to look at him. “Steven.”

He turns to glance at her.

“I’ll be here no matter what, okay? I want to help you cause I just do. Besides, I still think you’re someone to look up to. I mean, the fusion anyway, but both of you, too, yknow?”

Pink Steven relaxes, and feels himself smile a bit as well.

“You know, aside from in a literal sense.”

He lets out a small laugh, and finally, the tension seems to break into something warmer as colder nighttime hues settle on the beach. With the first steps made, they watch the stars together, and for the first time in a while, he feels like he doesn’t miss them as much now.

He still misses them, a little, and that might never go away. But that’s okay, because he has a place, right here.

\---

  
  


Amethyst leads both the Stevens to two chairs in the middle of the house and sits them down. “Okay, now just wait here.”

Human Steven sits down, looking around. A small stage is built up inside. “Amethyst? What is all this? Is this why you needed us out of the house this morning?”

“It’s a surprise! Just wait and see!”

He and his other half exchange a glance, and Amethyst switches off the lights. Pink Steven’s glow has diminshed a lot the past few weeks, and despite him being well visible, everything is dark. They can both hear shuffling and steps of the other gems, curiously anticipating whatever the surprise is supposed to be.

The lights go on, and on the stage is Amethyst with a set of drums, Pearl with a microphone and a cello, and Garnet with a keytar and a microphone of her own. Amethyst throws her hands up. “Surprise!”

Human Steven lifts a brow. “What is all this?”

Amethyst wordlessly starts up a beat as Garnet and Pearl join in on their instruments.

Pearl starts singing as the Stevens recognize the melody.

“Why don’t you talk to eachother?

Why don’t you talk to eachother, 

just give it a try.”

Garnet goes on, a small smile on her face.

“Why don’t you talk about what happened?

We know you’re trying to avoid it, but

We don’t know why.”

They continue together, their voices harmonizing.

“You might not believe it,

you might not believe it, but you,

got a lot in common, you really do…

You both love us and we love both of you.”

Human Steven has to smile a bit, watching the gems try to do for him what he always does for them. It warms his heart a little, and he can see from the side of his vision that his other half seems at least a little moved as well.

The gems go on singing, doing their best efforts.

“We know you both need it,

we know you both need it,

someone who knows what you’re going through.”

Pink Steven finally cracks a small smile at the display. The gems are really, really trying. They must have planned this for weeks.

“You might not believe it,

you might not believe it, but you,

got a lot in common, you really do.

You both love us and we love both of you.”

The music softly fades, and Human Steven stands up to clap. After a moment, Pink Steven smiles a bit and joins in. The gems smile back, getting down from the low stage.

Pearl looks to them both. “We thought it might help you to remind you that we’re all here for you.”

Before they can respond, Amethyst perks up. “Oh! The snacks! Come on Garnet, Pearl, I can’t carry them alone!”

“Oh, right!” Pearl heads after Amethyst, calling back. “We can’t forget the snacks!” Garnet joins them with a content smile.

They dissapear upstairs, and as Human Steven stands up from his chair, so does the gem next to him. 

Human Steven smiles and wants to say something while stepping foreward, but manages to trip on one of the floorboards and his gem catches him with ease. 

“Careful.”

Before the gem can let go, his human half sighs and hugs him. The gem returns the gesture after a moment, breathing out.

Human Steven sighs in turn, eyes wandering over the windows letting light fall in from outside. “Do you… miss Homeworld, still?”

“...Not as much as before. Here is nice, too.” The gem pauses. “Do you miss being on your own? Without me breathing down your neck all the time?”

“Nah.”

They both stand in silence for another moment, both refusing to let go.

Human Steven thinks. He wants to share so many things that make him happy, so they could have an effect on his gem. But what could he enjoy the same? “Have… you tried learning music?”

“No. It’s not the same. You know.”

Human Steven’s voice grows sadder. “Yeah.”

He goes on, talking to the windows while seeing the pink glow at the bottom of his vision. “It’s weird. I’m a lot… more of a mess, and that makes me worse? Meaner?”

“It’s a balance. But we’re not going to be less of a mess.”

“Yeah, I get that now. Things are weird, and hard, we just… have to work through them together, and… you know. With other people, too. Getting help and all that.”

“Sounds good.”

“...We should totally prank someone and pretend you’re my long lost twin.”

The gem lets out a snort. “Why? I thought we already told everyone?”

“Yeah, but like, imagine!”

Pink Steven tries to supress a grin. There’s something lively in his human half that he might never learn. Something he doesn’t even want to learn. He wants to learn to live with it.

Human Steven pulls back a bit to see his gem half smiling, feeling a bit of pride swell in his chest. He did something right for once. They look at eachother for a moment before a soft laugh escapes them both at the lighthearted atmosphere. 

Laughter turns to another hug, and that other hug turns to the gem effortlessly picking up his other half and swinging him upwards. His human half squeals both in joy and surprise, and when they both hug eachother again tightly, sinking into the feeling of being close, of being there for eachother, a bright light floods the room.

The gems stop mid-staircase as they come down to see Steven.

Steven lets out a small laugh, still sunk deep in his emotions. He opens his eyes, smiling, looking around, only to notice the looks on the gems’ faces. He looks at them quizzically, then suddenly at his own hands, then notes that Garnet is grinning all over, Pearl is near tears and Amethyst has already put the food tray down to run up to him.

He’s himself again. Whole. He hugs Amethyst tightly, grinning once he sets her down. 

“Woah, you grew taller.”

“Did I?” He likes the sound of his voice. Not too monotone, not too weak. 

“Yeah, dude!”

Pearl and Garnet join them, and he lets out a long breath. “Well, it’s good to be me, that’s for sure.”

Garnet gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up while Pearl tries her best to contain at least a part of her emotions.

Still swung high on his euphoria, he spots his guitar from across the room, rushes up to it and starts to strum it. The notes come easy and the motions feel so simple, but they sound natural, lively.

Perhaps not focused enough to come up with something entirely new, his hands fall back into motions he already knows well.

“Let’s think about cake,

let’s think about flowers,

let’s think about dressing up

and dancing around for hours!”

The gems watch him, never happier, as he hops around the room with ease, barely touching the ground.

“Theeere’s an awful lot of awful things

we could be thinking of-!

But for just one day let’s only think about love!”

He skips outside, and the gems follow to watch him float down to the sand, twirling around, caught in his own happiness, in his own wholeness, his own world.

They glance to eachother and hug, feeling a lightness in their beings. They haven’t seen him this happy in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another mini wrap-up chapter to follow :)


	34. Chapter 34

Beach City lays silently beneath the night sky. Steven steps out of the house, carefully closing the door behind him. He floats down, humming a short tune once he starts walking over the sand.

He stops, for a moment, and closes his eyes. He can feel the soft breeze on his face, the feeling of sand beneath his flip flops, even just the slight sensation of the collar of his pink jacket against his neck which he typically blends out.

He breathes in, salty, warm air filling his lungs, and for a moment, he just enjoys being himself. Appreciates it. Being whole. When he opens his eyes, the stars greet him, along with Homeworld’s system - a bright, recognizable spark amidst the darkness.

He continues to walk over the sand, stepping back to see the temple, bathed in moonlight. 

Tonight.

He hops up and floats up to the railing leading the way to his dome, entering the blue construction. The warp pad glows in response to his presence, and he steps on it. 

The cool blue warpstream engulfs him whole. He can sense it, space, cold and endless just beyond the white stream surrounding him. He closes his eyes once more until his feet stand solid. Homeworld.

Unlike Earth, wrapped in a lullaby, Homeworld is up and active. The diamonds aren’t here right now, though. He lets out a relieved sigh. They actually listened to his request, now that he had the bravery to bring forth his request at all.

A small gem, an azurite, greets him enthusiastically. He follows the small blue gem as she leads him to yet another warp pad, telling him the number of the room that they’d done all of the preparations in. He thanks her, and she warps off.

He steps onto the warp pad, and shortly after finds himself somewhere in the bright, geometric maze of Homeworld’s chambers.

The room he enters is yellow with green accents here and there. The large gemtech machine sits in the room as if trying it’s best to fit, confusing systems of tubes and square shapes making it up.

Pink Steven has been here before, and he places his hand on the hand-pad to activate it.

Certainly, he’s a little nervous, but knowing how the contraption works eases his nerves a lot. 

One of the large cubes opens on one side, and he pulls his pink jacket from his shoulders along with the rest of his clothing, while also making sure the room is locked.

When he walks into one of the square chambers, he can feel the green liquid sticking to his skin and even sinking through, the machine reaching through to him in it’s own way. It takes a little effort to let go of his breath, but once he does, he finds the liquid sustains him just fine.

As he calms down, he feels the liquid sink ever deeper into his skin, taking in every cell, every molecule, every connection, every flaw, every process. Slowly, like a dull fire spreading over his body, the liquid stitches cell after cell, molecule after molecule out of light, while simultaniously transferring the information directly to his gem.

He shivers a little when the process reaches his neck and moves to his head, but he barely feels anything, and when it’s done, it feels like nothing changed. But it has.

The liquid starts to drain out, and he stands in the chamber for a moment before it opens. When he pulls his clothing back over his body, he can feel the contrast to the still warm clothes and his cold skin. Everything feels a little different, but not hollow or numb like he had feared. 

He lets out another breath, though, now, he doesn’t really need to.

“I’m me. And now, I’ll always be me.”

He’ll never have to fall apart, ever again.

\---

Cracking two eggs into the frying pan, Steven quickly tosses the eggshells into the trash and picks up the pan to spread them a little. They frizzle in the heat.

His apron shuffles a bit when he leans over to grab another egg. Just as he spreads the third egg onto the pan, he can hear the door to the house open behind him. From the sounds of it, Garnet, Connie, Amethyst and Pearl are greeting whoever just came in.

He turns back and sees Bismuth seat herself, along with Peridot and Lapis. He humms as he turns back to watch his eggs, calling back a greeting to them.

When he finally turns off the stove and plops the eggs onto a plate, he turns to the gems fully. Plate in hand he heads to sit, too, choosing a chair near Amethyst and Connie.

He gives the three gems that just came in a smile, but he sees Bismuth stop and pull her brows down. 

“Your eyes.”

“Hm? Oh!” He sets the plate down and puts the apron aside. “I hadn’t told you yet… I want to keep them like this.”

Peridot looks up at his pink diamond eyes as well now, curious more than anything. “Why?”

“Because they’re a part of who I am, now.”

Bismuth looks around, a semblence of unsureness written on her face. “Are you sure?”

His tone grows a little more serious, though not scolding. “Yes. I am a diamond, and these eyes mark me as such.” His voice grows softer, but not loosing the firm, decisionate tone. ”That doesn’t mean I can’t be me at the same time.”

“Well…” Bismuth sighs, relaxing. “It is your choice to make, after all.”

He smiles, the sun shining into the house and warming it up already. Fall would be starting soon, but for now, the last bit of summer warmth was still enough to make the house comfortably warm. 

The storms had passed, at last, and clear skies await them for the rest of the week, and maybe even longer after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAaaaand we finish, JUST in time before the second half of SUF airs!
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for reading and especially leaving Kudos and comments!! I probably would have stopped after Part 1 if it weren't for all the positive feedback I got!! This definitly motivates me to write and post more what I write, even if it's oneshots or the like. 
> 
> On my other works: I have a oneshot of Steven attempting to fix Jasper in his 'own way', called "Fixed"! https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893188
> 
> And a comic-like series on tumblr called Lots Of Irony, still ongoing. (hopefully) https://allet-art.tumblr.com/post/611422551905878016/clean-lines-coloring-and-actual-comic-panels
> 
> Generally my tumblr is @allet-trash for tons of reblogs and @allet-art for art and occasionally writing: https://allet-art.tumblr.com/
> 
> If anyone still has questions regarding the plot or certain details that weren't clear/would have otherwise been spoilery, ask away! Not 100% of the things I thought of made it into this fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to "Kudos" if you liked it!  
> Comments of all kinds are warmly appreciated! :D


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